Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
I sat in the Oslo airport anxiously and glanced at my watch. Three minutes. They felt like an eternity, 180 seconds to last a lifetime. My legs crossed and uncrossed. Shoulders tensed and relaxed. Foot tapped the ground in an uneven rhythm. Fingers of my right hand played with the ring on my left. Breath came in and out unevenly. Thoughts raced by, beyond the speeds of comprehension.
I checked my watch again. One minute. I stood shakily, my legs weak with anticipation. My hands were clenched tightly at my chest, in an effort to still them but instead allowing me to feel my own rapid heartbeat.
A figure emerged from the private gate, tall and lanky, but with considerable muscle. His movements were all timid, as if he were afraid he would break something. Tired but highly alert eyes peeked out from a mess of brown hair, searching the open area for someone.
The eyes locked on me, making my heart race with itself and paralyzing my body. Rapidly, though slowly at the same time, the figure crossed the space between us and wrapped its well-muscled arms around me. When it pulled me close, its eyes released me from their spell, and I melted into the warm body.
When the figure used his voice, it used a high and slightly boyish tone. “You look gorgeous.”
I blushed deeply. “You’re not too bad yourself.”
He took a deep breath, and it seemed like he was trying to restrain himself. After a couple seconds, however, he muttered “Fuck it,” and pulled me into him before pressing his pillow-like lips to mine.
As our lips danced together the tango they knew oh so well, everything fell into place. Everything that neither of us could say was in that kiss, the I love yous, the whys, the I need yous. The urgency and passion, the relaxation and coolness, the complete contradiction that we were, it was all summed up in those few seconds.
I pulled away to catch my breath, and Asher ran his fingers over my lips. “You’re even more beautiful now than you were last time I saw you, and you were a goddess then.”
I blushed deeply in the way only he could make me. “You look good too.”
He shook his head and held me to him. “Not even close to how beautiful you look.”
I blushed, and then inhaled deeply, trying to breathe in every last bit of his scent. “It’s an hour’s drive to my house.”
“I don’t care.”
I smiled softly and pulled away, causing him to whine softly. I reached over and took his hand, and he smiled again. “Let’s get going, yeah?”
He nodded, and I led him out to my car after we found his bags. As I slid into the driver’s seat, he slid into the passenger’s, and once again took my hand.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered, kissing my hand.
“Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done,” I whispered back. “Every day I thought about you and missed you and wanted you.”
“I’m here now, and we never have to be apart again,” he assured me, squeezing my hand.
I smiled as I drove. “I’m guessing you’ve heard my album.”
“It’s all I’ve listened to.”
“I’m also guessing that you were able to pick out which song was about you.” I bit my lip.
“If Only?” he asked, rubbing circles on the back of my hand to soothe me in the way he always had.
I nodded, wishing I could curl up on his lap so badly. Asher seemed to sense this and smiled at me. “We’ll be home soon, love.”
The restrained term of endearment sounded foreign on his lips. He never called me love, it was always something more personal, more deep. However, with both of us unsure of where we stood in our relationship, it was one of the only ones he felt comfortable using.
“I want to be home now, though,” I whined.
His soft laugh filled my car. “I know.”
“When we get there, we, um, need to talk,” I sighed.
“I’d rather we just forget and go back to how things were.”
“Me too.”
He smiled widely, a deep, genuine smile that the world rarely saw from him anymore. “God I love you.”
I smiled. “I love you too.”
We rode in silence the rest of the drive, stealing shy glances at each other and giggling when the other caught us. When we arrived at my house, we noticed that the other Range Rover was gone, so we entered and carried his bags up to my room before curling up on my bed.
The first thing he did was kiss me, deeply but also sweetly. “I love you so goddamn much, Lauren,” he whispered against my lips.
I blushed and buried my face in his neck, his familiar flannel and old-book smell the same after all this time. “I’m so sorry for everything,” I whimpered.
“It’s in the past, princess. No need to worry.”
“But still-”
“All that matters is what we do from today on. I’m sure you did what you had to.”
I sighed. “Can’t you just let me be sorry for hurting you?”
“No, because now that you’re back the damage’s been repaired. There’s nothing to be sorry about.” He ran his hands through my hair, pausing occasionally to play with certain strands.
Tears welled in my eyes as I pressed my lips to his neck softly. “How are you so perfect?”
He hummed in content and lifted my chin so that our eyes met. “I’m not, princess, but you are.”
I shook my head, and he pressed his lips to mine before I could argue. Pulling away, he smirked. “You never won an argument against me, and you never will.”
I giggled. “Good to know nothing has changed.”
“Absolutely nothing, princess. Absolutely nothing.”
End of chapter
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139,749 Literary Works • 672,693 Reviews
Hello, friend. I'm back again, and without realizing it I might become a permanent fixture to this work if you plan on finishing it. I have a couple of thoughts, as always, and I'm interested to see where this goes, but not all of my thoughts are positive. Mind you, my tastes don't lie in this sort of thing, so it might just be me--but if it's any consolation, the meeting was very sweet. It serves it's purpose, and it's purpose is to reunite these two after the protagonist's disappearance.
Small Nitpicks:
I think you started this chapter on a strong note of doubt, a note that I actually quite like. The reader hasn't been familiar with Ash, not as familiar as the protagonist is, so the reader feels the same sense of dread and anxiety the protagonist is feeling. I also liked how you showed her movements and nervous tics, because it subconsciously forces the reader to picture themselves in the same situation, mimicking the same movements and picking up the same habits. Very good.
I'm not sure how I feel about this line in particular. I don't see a lot of people clutching their hearts nowadays, but it might just be me. Usually, nervous people try distracting themselves or practicing their breathing, the movement conveyed here is a little...melodramatic.
I personally feel this sentence is awkward. I would rephrase it to "The eyes locked on me, and my heart raced faster. I stared, paralyzed." There's plenty of space and pauses between the commas, so the audience has an easier time absorbing the dramatic moment.
I'm not sure if I like 'pillow-like,' either. It's not as bad as 'moist' mind you, but it's not exactly the imagery I'd want to think about when thinking of lips, and it's too many syllables so the potency of the scene is slightly decreased. Maybe a simple 'soft' would do. This one's subjective, so it's up to you.
Just removed some unnecessary words. You could keep 'oh so' but 'together' shouldn't be there.
The protagonist blushes four times in this thing. Pick up a different action that signifies admiration or embarrassment, or maybe just use 'turned red.'
Right, so here are where my serious problems come from. After thinking about it for a while, I've decided (from my personal opinion) that Ash being so accepting of Lauren isn't satisfying. At all. You see, most stories have to have some sort of dramatic appeal, and usually that appeal is from some sort of conflict. However small that conflict it is, it needs to be resolved in a satisfactory manner. That's where pacing often comes in. There's a reason why Goldilocks goes through cycles of three to find a possession of the bear's that is 'just right,' and Delilah needs to trick Samson more than once in order to truly find his weakness--because if the problem was immediately resolved, the story would be boring.
Now, I'm not saying Ash HAS to be angry at Lauren for the story to be interesting. Far be it from me to tell you how to write your characters. What I'm saying is that if you're setting up a conflict where Lauren is unsure that Ash will accept her once he sees her, you need to find a way to tie up all the threads in a satisfactory manner. This may be completed by ending the chapter with Ash running to Lauren and kissing her, silencing her thoughts, and thus resolving the chapter. It may also be completed by Lauren being doubtful and obsessed with her own perception of how Ash feels about her, awkwardly staring at him and being silent, unsure of how to face the situation at hand; thus, the conflict may continue until they get home. But at this point in time, after the kiss there's no reason for me to read further. I know they're going to go home. I know they're going to resolve their issues. Why should I keep reading at that point?
And I do agree with Alice, if it were up to me I'd make this reunion a little less amicable. But amicable reunions ARE possible, and they are also possible to write. But they aren't problem-free--one or both of the parties involved carry a certain weight, a question of whether they can maintain what they once had years past. This could easily be explored through silence or a small, desperate argument, but I didn't really get that. At least, it wasn't forceful enough for me to feel any emotions for the characters.
A final nitpick, that's edging towards an actual problem for this part. There are three 'I love yous' used here, and I find the phrase 'I love you' to be extremely powerful but then extremely tacky once overused. The more you say it, the less I believe you, and this is especially true since they're in such a rocky place. 'I missed you' would've sufficed, because at least that's telling something the audience knows to be true--they do, objectively, miss each other. But love? The audience hasn't seen any real proof of their 'love' since they haven't seen each other in a while and now suddenly, bam, they're together again. Unrealistic? Yeah, sure, but most fiction is unrealistic. It's just a matter of how good you are at convincing people it could happen.
Anyway, those were my thoughts. Overall I felt the chapter started out well, but then dragged on a little too long for my tastes, leaving me a little more lukewarm about it. However, I'm still invested, and I eagerly await what happens next.
--Elliot.
Thanks for popping by! I definitely see where you're coming from with this one, but I do want to say that this is very much the reunion and honeymoon phase. Things don't stay perfect for long, and there will be conflict. I just felt, as an author, that a little bit of sweetness before drama starts building up is a nice break. I like to build the utopia before I destroy it, no? Also, these two are very much an emotional couple, and Asher a very emotional person where Lauren is less so. This also causes drama later on. I think, as the story progresses, you'll see what I mean. Thanks for stopping by though!
aye sis, can u explain the story to me? i read a little, understood nothing, but i like your style of writing. you have a good and strong u
catalogue of word, which makes the story more interesting to read. anyways keep up the work, and explain your story in the shortest form possible.(im just reviewing this for points. im selfish, i know that)
also focus on the grammar.(i dont know why i said that, it makes no sense). also is this a love story? i have a hard time figuring them out.
Thanks for coming back again, and I'm glad you're enjoying the story! First off, I do want to promise that I'm going to address the differences in their relationship, but these two are a very emotional couple, and they always have been. They're in what most people call the honeymoon phase at the moment - so happy to just be together again that they're ignoring reality. Things heat up soon, so keep reading!