The raindrops free fall from the clouds
each fleeing from the burdens of life.
Gray skies, gray clouds, cool air.
They fall
silent
silent
until the ground comes into view.
Shouts rise from below,
"Mr. Raindrop, why did you jump?
Mr. Raindrop, you had a wife and kids!"
*
The roaring of the river's unrelenting rush
are in view of the droplets on a leaf.
Cohesion keeps them together
but the wind keeps them apart
until they fall back to the river.
Drip
drip,
each droplet crying out,
"How come every road leads back here?
How come no matter how far I get,
I fall back to the river again?"
*
Silent waters stretch out in all directions
under a boiling, relentless sun.
Day after day, wave after wave
in
and out
until voices whisper under the moonlight,
"Some day we will rise above this.
Some day it will get better."
*
Thunder and lightning are promised
if the stormy clouds just get thicker.
In the cold, icy wind, clouds are blown
and they race across the sky.
Shh,
shh.
It's the silence before the storm.
"Just a few more minutes,"
the clouds promise.
*
The raindrops free fall from the clouds
each fleeing from the burdens of life...
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
Hey! I think this poem is very interesting and I like the concept a lot. It flows quite well and the rhyming is good, if a little predictable in places. One thing I would say is that a big block of text is a little bit daunting to start reading, so I'd suggest having a look at it and maybe split it up into stanzas. Also, there are places where you've made some typos, so make sure to check your work over, else it looks a little bit sloppy. Apart from that, good job!
This is absolutely beautiful! You write so well. The imagery was absolutely amazing. Personafacation... forget about it... you are truly a talented writer. Your vocabulary is lucious. Please please please continue writing I would love to read more! Thank you so much it was truly an honor to read your poem.
HEELLO Dachsie,
A poem about water in the form of life's sadness. The quotes you added at the end of each stanza are very helpful in understanding the poem better! Also, I like how you had a specific formatting in each stanza. Patterns are good when it comes to poetry.
Repeating "the raindrops free fall from the clouds each fleeing from the burdens of life" was nice. Kinda puts more significance to the words.
I notice it's you're new to YWS. No worries, I just came a few days ago too.
Keep writing,
Night Kaizer
Thank you for your review!