Despair
I'm slipping away,
and there's nothing I can do.
Anguish
How much more of this
can I take?
Dejection
There was once light,
now it's gone.
Bitter
You hurt me.
You did this.
Dreary
It is forever winter
in my heart.
Broken
Now I am a fragment
of myself.
Sadness
Despairing, anguished, dejected, bitter, dreary, broken.
The shades of sadness.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Hi Dachsie! Becca here for a quick review.
I thought the idea of depicting/delineating the shades of sadness was a really neat one. I like how each one has its own little description. I wonder if each of these could be expanded, though. Maybe they could include more descriptions, can you show us examples of what these shades of sadness look like? I'm very curious how/why the narrator is so hurt, and what exactly this person did to them.
I also think it was kind of confusing for sadness to be a shade of sadness. I'm not sure the last stanza is necessary.
Hope this was helpful. Keep writing!
Hello! Irid here with a review.
Now I like that you took a poke at this. It's very interesting. You say the "shades of sadness" are the words that are italicized and then you put down your emotions that pertain to that shade. It's a very interesting concept and I quite like it, but I just wished that you could have elaborated more.
"Sadness" is a very broad emotion and you did cover it partially with these words that mean sadness. There is so much more to that emotion than what you put down here. Elaborate more on how you feel because it's rather simplified. With a broad topic you're talking about, I feel that there should be more to it. Here's an example:
I personally like these two lines, but they can have more detail to them. Why is it winter? How does it feel? In this poem, your goal should be to evoke emotion from the reader.
When writing poetry, ask yourself basic questions, like "what is it?" "How does it feel?" "What does it look like?" "What does it mean?"
In poetry, you want to show and not tell. Show the reader how you feel. Overall, this isn't bad at all. You can definitely improve on this, and once again I appreciate you taking a poke at this. Thank you and have a nice day!
-Iridescence
Thanks for the review! I'll work on the poem.