a figure in red comes down from the heavens
with a message from xenia, bearing the gifts
that all look for as the white haze falls from on high.
is this what the people are expecting?
or is this the
work of a metallic disguise?
what will this storm bring to all who have their
eyes pointed with a glaze, to the unknown blue
sky.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,783 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Is this about methamphetamine?
Good job!
First two lines I think are the strongest and most well-written of the piece. The third line of the first stanza might need a little tweaking to help match it with the superb cadence of the first two.
For the second stanza - I didn't understand what it meant, but I do think the cadence could be adapted to match itself - meaning that at least make the two questions have the same rhythm.
Third stanza - That was confusing from a standpoint of poetic meter/ how to read it. I think you could make it so that it is easier to read. Also there needs to be a question mark at the end because it is a question.
It's an interesting poem, just needs more clarity. I do very much appreciate the vocabulary and the imagery. That was very satisfying.
Hey friend! Its Sophie here to review your work!
~
Stanza numero uno!!!!
~
this is a nice start but I feel like its very action filled to start. it is good if that's what you were going for. it is very clear and I like the tone. the meter though, in the first two lines, the meter is 11. then the third is 12. that kinds of annoys me but of course, that could be what you were going for.
~
Stanza dos
~
I like how this is questioning. its a break in the writing to question the fourth wall and the purpose and that pulls the reader in so good job.
~
third stanza
~
tp be honest, im a little confused here. I don't really understand whats going on but it might just be my stupidity in action
~
overall
~
this is a good piece and its nice to read. its a little confusing but of course, its your piece, you don't have to listen to me. anyways, nice.
Good job and write on