who goes there in the darkness,
spreading around their ideas of
what information must be hidden
from the public light?
creating a simple saying in a moment
of sheer panic, and now their jokes
cause pain for the rest of the world.
and who is the fake rider in white?
who has decided they must come
from the nowhere to make a fight.
asking for their movements to not
be held back, to let all information
run free, while still protecting the
force that will never free citizens.
move on. there is no truth to be
found in these groups.
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Canary word: Present
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140,788 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on this lovely day.
So let's get this review started.
I must say you have a really good poem here, it was super fun to read. I think you have done a brilliant job. As I read through your poem I could feel the emotions in your words.
I have to say to say when I saw the name to your poem I had another idea in my head about what it could be about. But what you have here is just as good.
Now down to the review.
Now your punctuation in your poem was really good, but I saw some places where we could change like a comma into a question mark, so I'll get to showing your those right away.
The first this is this.
Now this sounds more like a question, so I thought that maybe you should change the comma into a question mark. But that is your choice.
Moving on to the next thing.
I think the fall stops here should be changes into exclamation marks. To me it would make it a bit more dramatic. That is if your aiming for that type of ending. But again that is all up to you. I'm just here to read your work and tell you what I think.
Well that's it. I can find anything else wrong. Again I know I have said this quit a put through out the review, but I think i will say this again. You have done a really good job here, and I look forward to reading more of your works when ever they are out on YWS. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.
Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Hello,
I would like to start by saying that I think the content and use of words in this poem are really good. I like the way it flows, in that sort of mysterious style. Its slightly aggressive but in aan emotional way.
As far as the layout of the poem, I think it could have possibly been arranged a tad bit different to maybe make the scene of the poem bolder and more organized. The thick paragraphs are effective, and this is my own personal opinion, because I am just a fan of short, choppy line breaks that is very precise.
I really enjoyed this work and I hope to read more from you soon.
Again great work
xx Smugg xx
Dear DEA,
This poem sounds so cool! Honestly, I think it was very well written, and it has a very important underlying meaning. I would love to hear more about your motivation/inspiration for this piece of work!
Just a couple of things: I'm not sure how significant this is, but maybe you want to add capitalizations? I noticed you do use punctuation, so in order to maintain proper format, I thought you might want to go back and capitalize letters at the beginning of sentences, unless you have a specific purpose for the lowercase letters.
Also, the sentence
implies that this force is trying to free citizens but cannot, and I got the impression that this force is preventing society's freedom. This may be insignificant as well, but just thought I'd mention it. (I really hope I quoted that with the correct quoting format..)
Anywho, an excellent poem! I will definitely look for your name in the poetry section!
- B