No
more.
No more will we burn at the hands of your kind,
No
more will we sit back and watch as you continue to slaughter our
children, our men and women.
We stand with you, we fight with
you, we think of you as our family.
Yet you murder us.
You inflict horrors on us, that my father and his fathers before him
have faced.
We fight in your wars, we aid your healers,
we trade, we laugh, we live, together.
Yet we are treated
with inequality.
You promise us brotherhood, unity, and a
safe haven.
Yet you commit acts that endanger us, you spread
willful hatred towards us
Why? Because we look different from
you? Yet are similar in every other way?
You stare at
us, with annoyance, with hatred.
You stare at our scales, our
horns, our tail.
Do you forget that you too are not so
different?
But some of you know compassion, love,
kindness.
Some of you look at us, with adoration in your
heart.
It gives me hope, it gives me happiness.
The love
outweighs the hatred.
But it does not erase it, The hatred
is everlasting, ever-present.
It is like a virus, a sickness, it
festers and it grows in your heart and minds.
It is far more
lethal than any ailment, known to civilization.
It made
you hunt my kind, for hundreds of years.
My forefathers, my
ancestors, tore from their homeland.
Bound in chains.
Enslaved.
But the fire in their hearts was not extinguished
easily.
Even though their bodies were chained and beaten,
Their
hearts were forever ignited;
Their souls, soaring still through
the serene skies of their beloved homeland.
Eras
passed, and we, were all but enslaved,
to
act as domestic animals and your playthings.
Until we rebelled,
we rebelled for our lives and for our freedom.
Some of your
kind stood with us, stood for our liberation.
We waged a war,
against those who stood by and aided in the horrors you
inflicted on us
It ended in our liberation, but at the cost of
bloodshed, on each side.
We were no longer slaves, no longer
tortured for mere enjoyment.
We had faced enough war for all of
our lifetimes.
We wanted to live in peace and harmony,
but it was a luxury we could never possess. You would not let us.
We
realized that even though we had earned liberation,
we were not
yet free from the injustice.
Even though we could finally live
and love for ourselves, by our own rights.
There were still more
horrors to come.
The stigma still prevailed and so did the
discrimination.
Little by little, they continued to harm us.
The
little stares of disgust, a snide remark here, a little denial of
service there.
We were tired, we wanted peace, our hopes were
teetering on the edge of chaos,
We stayed silent. We made a
mistake.
Years went on, and the hatred was hungry, it was
no longer satisfied with blatant racism.
It hungered for blood,
and you executed its wish like it was a holy sermon.
The
killings began anew.
But we had hope, we lived in a modern
civilized society where law & order prevailed.
We hoped that
the lawmakers would see to it that justice was carried out.
It
wasn't.
So many of our brothers, fathers, mothers, and
sisters were sacrificed to your dark god of hatred.
It felt
excruciating, like an old, healing wound being ripped open again.
Why
did you take them ? They were innocent. They were peaceful.
You
skewer your leaders over the slightest inconvenience in your daily
life.
You call it your right as a democracy to call for
justice.
So where was the call of justice, for the ones we lost
?
Where was it, for Jamar Clark ?
For Philando Castille ? ,
For Dreasjon Reed ?
So many, taken from us, so many futures and
families destroyed.
Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, Botham Jean,
Trayvon Martin.
Why did they deserve death ?
Michael Brown,
Michelle Shirley, Redel Jones, Kenney Watkins, Tamir Rice.
Did
these lives mean nothing ?
Some of your kind sympathized
with us, they loved us and they felt the pain that we did.
They
broke out in rebellion with us, to support us. They demanded justice
from the leaders you appointed.
And so, what did your leaders do
? What did your lawmakers do ?
They sheltered the murderers, who
had no remorse for the life they took.
We were shocked, we
were broken. You promised us justice but instead denied it.
And
then we stopped grieving, we stopped believing that you would give us
justice.
So we demanded it, we made waves against the
privileged and the bigoted.
And you called us vile, disobedient,
law-breaking vagrants.
While you abetted the true monsters, and
branded them as upstanding citizens and misguided souls.
My
mother had weaved for me, stories of greatness and heroism and
compassion of your kind.
Was this your compassion ?
Was
this your greatness ?
You expected us to sit silently and
accept your injustice.
You forgot that we are creatures of fire
and brimstone.
We chose peace, but we will not be forced into
silence.
We are creatures of fire and brimstone and we will
not,
Be silenced.
You deny us justice, yet cry foul, when
we seek vengeance.
You have taken another, and for that
rages a revolution in the streets.
We revolt for the one you’ve
taken from us, His name was George Floyd.
He was kind and
caring, a happy man, a man with a family.
You killed him, as if
he was a monster.
If it is a monster you seek, take a look in
your mirrors.
If it is a monster you seek, turn to the dark god
of hatred you worship.
Today, those among you, who believe
in justice and fairness, stand with us.
They revolt with us,
they stand against you and they demand answers.
You have
no concept of the retribution that approaches you.
This is not a
wistful declaration of our pain.
This is an omen, of the end of
the reign of your dark god.
We, the ones who seek justice, will
continue to fight,
Until our very last breath.
We will be
the undying flame, the one that you can’t snuff out.
How
many can you kill ? How many can you silence ?
Can you silence
the billions of raging souls, that demand the end of your tyrannical
bloodthirsty reign ?
I once held a given name, Henry Hall,
he was person who believed that justice is dealt to those who most
deserve it.
He is long gone, burnt away, when your injustice and
inaction gave birth to me.
The one with the unending rage, the
one who sees the pain and agony that the souls felt when you took
them from us.
I am a dragon reborn, the undying fire.
I
am but one of many, a minuscule part of a legion.
I am
Lockheed.
I demand Truth.
I demand Answers.
And
I demand justice for George Floyd, and the ones before him.
Heed
our warning.
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Hello!
I’d love to review this heart wrenching story you wrote. I am so glad you have decided to use your writing skills to send such an important message out into the world. It’s not fair for people to be treated this way. We are all the same and deserve to be treated equally. My favorite line in your story would definitely be this one: “ We stayed silent. We made a mistake.” It may be short, but it is so powerful. Everyone has been trying to act like racism doesn’t exist. They try to ignore it. It needs to be brought into the spotlight and eradicated completely.
Your word choice really helped to get your point across. When you use words like “festers” and “unending rage”, it shows the situation without sugarcoating it.
One thing that I would like to point out is that during most of the poem, there was a space between the last word in a sentence and the question mark. I saw that this happened repeatedly. Was this purposeful? In the beginning, there weren’t any spaces between words and question marks. I just wanted to bring this to your attention.
Overall, this one of the best things I have read on YWS so far. Keep up the hard work!!
VioletFantasy
thank you so much for your review ! it means a lot to me, and the spaces between the last words of the sentences and question marks were totally unintentional they just slipped through during my last edit.
Hi CyberGanji! I'm Shade, and I'll be reviewing your story today.
First off, I just wanted to tell you that your poem had a beautiful message. While I was reading it, it almost sent shivers down my spine. This is very important right now, and I agree wholeheartedly with you. The senseless killing has to stop! I know ChrisDixon has already listed a bunch of problems, so I'll try not to repeat what they said.
You could combine this differently and it would read better.
"Yet you murder us and inflict horrors on us.
Horrors that my father and his fathers before him have faced."
I notice that you like to put a space before you put a question mark, but you aren't really supposed to do that.
Also, in this part, this should be one sentence.
That was all that I noticed, considering that the other review got most of the grammatical errors. This is great writing, and it really touched me.
Keep writing!
-Shade
Thank you very much for pointing out my mistakes, i'm very new at this and i'm so thankful that you liked it !
Thank you very much for pointing out my mistakes, i'm very new at this and i'm so thankful that you liked it !
Hi CyberGenji. I here for a review.
First of all, I really enjoy reading this story, and the truth within it that happened on May 25th.
Second of all, there are some spacing issues in some parts of this story:
"Why ?" you don't need to use a space between the letter and the question mark, so "Why?"
"you ?" I suggest you no to leave a space between the letter and the question mark, "you?"
"way ?" I don't think you need to use a space between the letter and the question mark, so"way?"
Lastly, here are some mistakes I suggest you to fix:
"You promise us brotherhood, unity and a safe haven." You need a comma after 'unity'.
So, "You promise us brotherhood, unity, and a safe haven."
"But it does not erase it, The hatred is everlasting, ever present." ever-present is a compound word.
So, "But it does not erase it, The hatred is everlasting, ever-present."
"It is far more lethal than any ailment, known to civilisation." "civilisation" is misspelled, it needs to be fixed to, "civilization".
So, "It is far more lethal than any ailment, known to civilization."
"We realised that even though we had earned liberation". "realised' is misspelled, it's spelled "realized"
So, "We realized that even though we had earned liberation,"
"It hungered for blood, and you executed it’s wish like it was a holy sermon." "it's wish" isn't the right way to write it. I suggest you either write it as "it wishes", or "its wish".
"It hungered for blood, and you executed it wishes like it was a holy sermon."
OR
"It hungered for blood, and you executed its wish like it was a holy sermon."
"But we had hope, we lived in modern civilised society where law & order prevailed."
You need "a" before "modern". And "civilised" needs to be changed to "civilized".
So, "But we had hope, we lived in a modern civilized society where law & order prevailed."
"So many of our brothers, fathers, mothers and sisters were sacrificed to your dark god of hatred." I suggest you put a comma after "mothers" and before "and".
So, "So many of our brothers, fathers, mothers, and sisters were sacrificed to your dark god of hatred."
"Some of your kind sympathised with us, They loved us and they felt the pain that we did."
"sympathised" is misspelled, it's spelled "sympathized". And also I suggest you make the "T", a lower case since it's a compound sentence you don't have to capitalize it. If you are empathizing "they", then you can. But I was suggesting you this since I didn't really see the clear reason why you capitalized only "t", especially at the case of moving on to another part of a compound sentence, it may confuse the reader.
So, "Some of your kind sympathized with us, they loved us and they felt the pain that we did."
OR
"Some of your kind sympathized with us, They loved us and they felt the pain that we did."
"And you called us vile, inobedient, law-breaking vagrants." There isn't a word such as "inobedient". If you are trying to express the word that means 'not obedient' or 'rebellion", then it's spelled "disobedient".
So, "And you called us vile, disobedient, law-breaking vagrants."
Overall, it's quite an impressive writing that describes so much about how we really feel about the unfair truth.
Great writing.
Again I really enjoy reading your story.
Keep on writing!
Your reviewer, ChrisDixon
Thank you very much for pointing out my mistakes, i'm very new at this and i'm so thankful that you liked it !
Thank you very much for pointing out my mistakes, i'm very new at this and i'm so thankful that you liked it !