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140,903 Literary Works • 673,706 Reviews
True words in every. What do you call them? I think its a verse. well, I truly appreciate a fine choice of words such as yours. And I don't have review motive either.
Hey.
I think that you're tackling an overdone topic here. The challenge then is to present this love poem in an entirely new way. Otherwise, everything from the concept to the wording would be a bunch of cliches. I do think that this poem could be improved upon in a lot of ways.
First of all, as to the technicalities, you really need to fix your punctuation. Particularly that line of periods near the beginning of the poem. Punctuation is really important in poetry. There are ways to really make use of punctuation in order to improve the flow of the poem. Sometimes it's even used to forward the theme of the poem.
I think that you're writing about a really nice sentiment here. However, I think you could have executed this in a better way. A lot of reviewers on this site often emphasize the importance of 'showing' rather than 'telling' in poetry. Now, in this poem, you 'tell' the reader everything. There's no vivid imagery in this poem. The reader is left knowing what happened but no lasting impression is achieved because you didn't create the images that would make the reader see and feel what the persona is experiencing.
In the beginning of my review I said how I thought this was an overdone topic and I think that the way to tackle something which everyone has already said something about, is to express your self in a very original way. I really think that the biggest fault of this poem is that every line sounded like it came out of a song or an old movie somewhere. Everything just seemed not-new.
I hope that helped and keep writing. I'm sure you'll have something more for us.
--Nixie
I really liked this. While I was reading it I could actually feel the emotions that you were trying to portray. I enjoyed reading this.
Hey I'm Amie and I'll be reviewing tonight
So I don't really have any nit-picks with this piece. It's charming. The only thing I would say is I'm not entirely sure that the last line is needed. The poem finishes nicely without it. Especially since you stated their thoughts are the same as yours so doesn't that already answer the question?
Lovely piece
Keep writing
-Amie
One VERY large error that sticks out like a sore thumb, hon:
It's not huge, but, of course, it's noticeable. You're lucky I'm nice! Others would have been cruel about it, haha!
And now to your poem as a whole. I found it very sweet, and not at all simple. At first, upon reading the first line, I believed it would be a piece of complex wording (not that I would have minded). However, it proved to be just another love poem dedicated to that special someone. It's difficult to find someone that compliments you so comfortably, and to finally find that person is a remarkable experience. Thanks so much for sharing.(:
~Panda;;