Chapter 3 – Where worries start
“What?” cried Lakea and Hail, jumping to their paws in surprise. Lakea desperately tried to stay calm, but her heart was racing, how could their mother have done that? She was supposed to protect them. Hail was more angry than anything else, his hatred for his mother had built up over time and he laughed like a psycho, spluttering everywhere. True gawped at him.
“What are you doing Hail? We’ve just lost our mother.” She shouted angrily. But he didn’t care, he muttered something about his soul and Kirja and burning, but no one understood what on earth he was talking about. Lakea sort of understood; mother was never kind to Hail and he had a right to be somewhat glad for her riddance. But she could see that True was hurt by the whole thing and put a comforting paw on her back.
“Come on True, we have each other now. Everything’s going to be alright.” True nuzzled her sister in thanks and closed her eyes to yawn. True always got more tired than the rest of them and always seemed to go to sleep first. Hail looked at Lakea and she nodded.
“I think it’s time we had a good rest for now, we can figure out what to do tomorrow. How does that sound True?” But True was already fast asleep and her two siblings soon joined her, tails over each other’s muzzles and sharing body heat.
The gentle light of dawn shone through the eyelids of the young pups and they awoke as the first cock crowed. True stood up and shook the fresh dew off her fur first. Hail and Lakea followed and took time to look at their surroundings. The fire had burnt most of the forest to a strange black graveyard, where the dead trees looked like evil two legs, their long spindling fingers reached out to the pups and they huddled back. Dead trees lay everywhere and the wood stank of burning, and wet. Hail looked at Lakea gravely and said quietly,
“The two legs have come with water to quench the fire. That is one thing that us wolves and the two legs have in common; fear of its hot fiery breath.”
Lakea nodded sadly and stared at the remnants of the wood. True just looked confused and tilted her black head to one side in question, but Hail just shook his head.
“Don’t worry True.” He said kindly “I’ll explain when you’re a little older and understand the world better.” He smiled at his sister, she was young and weak, he felt older and stronger and he knew that she looked up to him as the leader. But where was he leading them to? So far all he had done was lead them into trouble and grave danger. Hail started to feel scared for the first time of his life; he wasn’t scared for himself, he was scared for his sisters.
Hail had never had to be responsible for his family in his life, they had never had any problems such as fire, water, bears or any other animals. There was never a shortage in food as Riko provided them with plenty of variety, from fish to berries to meat to shoots. But now Hail had to look after his two sisters, it was his duty as the male of the ‘pack’ that he had established with his sisters. Lakea spoke for the first time this morning.
“We need to start moving again, you know what the two legs are like, once they know we’re here there will be no end of trouble.”
Lakea kne
w about the two legs from Riko, he often told them stories of his tangles with them as a young pup. Their father had lived with his pack all his life until one day the pack had been sabotaged by the two legs, all his family had got attacked apart from himself and his brother, Rakja. Riko had been a yearling when that had happened and Rakja died several months after. Meanwhile, Riko had found a mate of his own, the feisty fire Kirja, Kajj whom he had met while on a hunting trip and fallen completely in love with. Kajj, Rakja and Riko had travelled together in search of a safe place to rear Kajj’s pups and find a nice young she-wolf for Rakja. Sadly, that never happened as Rakja died one winter’s night when the humans had shot him.
Riko had told the pups this story to teach them that the two legs are creatures that bring hatred to the world; they kill things that they do not eat, and torture their own kind. What wolf does that unless they have a serious illness? None of the pups knew the answer to this, in fact, none of the animals on earth knew. And to be truly honest, none of them wanted to find out. The Two Legs were different creatures than them, and certainly not a race to be messed with. She felt slightly sick in her stomach; she would never see her father ever again to ask him why his brother had died. Lakea had so many questions that she had wanted to ask her parents, if only she had said goodbye. Hail looked at his sister and knew what she was thinking.
“There is no use dwelling on the past Lakea. Nothing can change what happened yesterday, and yes, I know that it was partly my fault that Mother turned on us like that. But the one thing we can do is change our present so that the future will be brighter.” Lakea nodded and agreed silently with her brother.
True, by this time, had wandered off to the bank of the lake for a drink. She lapped the cool, crystal clear water and the liquid dripped off her long black whiskers onto the dewy grass.
“Come on you two!” she called to her siblings. True sat down and looked into the lake, she stared into her own yellow eyes and down her black muzzle to her nose, how large and lean the she wolf had become. No more the stumpy black tail or the oversized ears and paw pads, no, she was a traveller now.
Hail and Lakea padded over to their sister and looked at her, they both thought how much she grown, physically and mentally. True looked back at her siblings with pride, how much bigger they were than her, and how much stronger! True knew that she would never be like them, but you know what? She didn’t mind so much anymore; she had them as her family now and they understood her, which is more than her parents had done. True’s siblings moved to her side and drank greedily, enjoying the feeling of the cool water running down their throats.
“This is lovely.” Lakea breathed as she looked across the lake. On the other side was a wonderfully dense forest, full of pines, firs and spruces of all different sizes and shades of beautiful greens and yellows. How lovely it would be to hunt there one day with True and Hail at her side, then return to this lake for a nice cool drink. Lakea closed her eyes and imagined this, the magical sight of True and Hail being older, and Hail bringing an elk down with one sharp bite.
“Lakea...” Hail said, nudging his sister with his moist black nose. She opened her eyes with a start and the image vanished, she stared at her young brother and smiled.
“Just day dreaming.” She said with a laugh but Hail looked serious.
“I can sense a bear is near, a huge hairy creature with terrible claws, we must be on the move again.” Lakea sighed and True huddled against her sister, True didn’t want to leave either. “I know that you two don’t want to leave and neither do I, but the fact is that while you two were asleep I heard a great roar. It came from a bear, I know it. "
“But in the story you told us of Beo and Rak, the bear was a wise old thing, what was his name?”
“Suteck” said True knowingly, for she always remembered her brother’s stories.
“Yes... Suteck. Didn’t he help Beo and Rak to compromise? Surely he must have been a gentle old thing, right?”
Hail looked at his sister and smiled weakly, shaking his head at the same time. Hail rolled her emerald eyes. He knew that there was no time to chat, and no time to go around the lake. The bear had caught their scent and was lolloping towards them this very moment.
“Get in the lake. Follow me.” Snapped Hail sharply and dashed into the lake. The edges were shallow and he beckoned his sisters to follow him. Desperately they splashed through the water, kicking their hind and front legs like crazy, Lakea and True could smell the danger now, it was seeping into their nostrils and down their throats and they knew they had to speed up. Once on the other side of the lake they hauled themselves up onto the bank, it was muddy and slippery but somehow they managed it without getting themselves entangled in the water reed or stuck fast in the muddy earth. Even True had little trouble as they helped each other. To Hail’s shock, just ahead of them lay a huge, steep hill, something that they had not thought of in advance. The siblings gasped, how where they ever going to manage. Hail stepped forward and made for the slope. Lakea smiled grimly and pushed True onward with her snout.
“Come on.” She whispered to her sister quietly. True gaped at her, but carried doggedly on. Hail was in front, and leading them to safety. Not once did he look back while he was on the slope, he needed to speed his sisters up again, and closed his eyes for an extra spurt of speed, which got him to the top. Ahead of them, lay a dense forest, where firs and spruces scattered over the forest floor, thick with leaf litter.
Speeding through the forest, dodging through firs and pines and spruces, leaping over rocks and puddles, they flew like birds on the wing. None of them stopped to look back until they knew that the creature was off their trail. Then, and only then, did Hail stop and tell them that it was time they rested and maybe had a search for some food.
“I’m going with True to go and get some food, Hail please can you find a place where we can shelter for a few days?” Hail nodded and set off up a steep deer track path which was overgrown with brambles and covered in sharp rocks. Hail knew that there must be a disused badger set or fox den somewhere up the path; he could smell the old, faint scent of these creatures that had passed many, many moons ago.
Hail scrambled up the path, his soft paw pads got cut by the rough stones and bled, but he would not give up. His forelegs often got tangled in the brambles and long grass, tearing out chunks of his tender skin and soft maroon fur. Still he carried on, for he knew that he could not let his sisters down this time.
Finally he was at the end of the path where the forest was thickest, spruces hugged against each other in a tight embrace and it was extremely hard for Hail to move around even with his lean body. It took Hail quite a while before he found what he was looking for, an old disused badger set. The earth was soft and sandy, perfect for digging so they could expand the set if they needed more space. Hail made sure that it was completely disused by spending a great deal of time smelling the ground and air around the set until he was completely sure that the badger no longer lived there. Even though badgers aren’t known as particularly fierce creatures, they could definitely cripple a wolf pup with one sweep of a mighty paw. Hail shuddered at the thought and took a few paces back from the set; he expected a humongous paw with a sharp set of pointed claws to lash out at him at any moment. But it didn’t, and Hail decided it was a good idea to check on his sisters.
Lakea and her sister beamed at each other, despite the hunger churning in their bellies. They padded through the lush green wood, side by side, in silence. The leaves were damp beneath their paws and every so often the two pups would sit down to lick up the damp from the leaves. True turned to her sister and said nervously,
“Where are all the animals, sister?” Both of the sisters were starting to get worried now, it had been 20 minutes and they hadn’t even caught a slight whiff of any creature. Lakea stopped to smell the air for a final time and stared deep into her sister’s eyes. It was odd. All forests, the pups knew, were usually bursting with song and life at this time of day. But this forest was as silent as an eclipse is dark.
“We have to get back, the animals have sent us a warning, and Hail is in danger.”
That was when Lakea turned and raced towards where she had seen her brother head. She could only hope that True would follow her, for she did not look back. Lakea tore through the forest, her long pink tongue lolled out of her mouth and her eyes were shut, she knew where she was going. But was she going to get there in time?
Hail turned back to the path, he had a skip in his step and a twinkle in his eye, he and his sisters were going to be safe and happy at last. He was just about to start fighting with the brambles again when a dark shadow cast across the forest floor right beside him and a horrible screech pierced the cold crisp air. Hail didn’t need to look up, for he could tell just what it was. He knew the stories about wolf pups that had been taken by them, but never in his wildest dreams had he expected to encounter such a creature. The eagle plummeted towards him, he didn’t even have time to move a paw and he was about to be snatched by the hungry monster.
“NO!” cried Lakea as she skidded to a stop and launched herself at the humongous bird whose talons had gripped onto her brothers back. Hail yelped loudly and blood gushed from the deep gauges in his back, staining her glossy maroon coat a bright shade of crimson. Lakea winced and leapt at the bird, attacking it from every angle possible. There was a huge frenzy into which True now joined, snarling her fiercest snarls and snapping her hardest snaps at the vicious creature that had no boundaries.
Lakea tasted the first of the blood which was shed from the bird. She had sunk her fangs deep into the bird’s wing and once she had tasted its blood she knew she wanted more. Lakea’s aim was to kill that bird, and save Hail. He was weakening under the tight grip, and she knew that he was soon to collapsing. It was a matter of moments before the bird loosened its grip of Hail and fell limply to the ground with a thud. Hail was faint, Lakea was exhausted but her sister was fine, she had not contributed much to the fight, but both her siblings were glad that she was the one to guide them to the nearest water and she carried the bird proudly, despite its weight.
“Well done True.” Praised Lakea tiredly, she had lain herself down in the shade of a mighty old spruce that was long since dead, but provided a lovely home for a family of woodpeckers, who were making their well known noise to the world.
“If it wasn’t for you, I’m sure we would have all perished.” Lakea meant every word. It was True who had shown them to water, it was True who had carried the bird, and it was True who had encouraged them to go that extra bit further so that they could not only enjoy the coolness of the water and the warmth of the bird’s blood in heat, but in shade.
True looked up from cleaning her brothers wounds, she was licking them gently, hoping that it would help to prevent infection. Hail was fast asleep, he had passed out pretty much as soon as he had sat down, but Lakea had helped her sister nudge him to the bank of the river so he could feel the cool water lap up against his body.
Lakea decided to have a final munch at the eagle and then go for a quick swim to sharpen up her senses again. Lakea eased herself into the clear turquoise deep of the river; she shivered, but liked the tingle of the coldness on her skin. Slowly but surely Lakea was disappearing into the water, until only her little blue head was showing. She splashed around happily alone for some time and then called for her sister. But True was tired now, she had stayed awake for some hours trying to help Hail and she needed some rest.
True laid her head on her brother’s flank and closed her amber eyes to rest. Lakea let out a long and impatient sigh. Even though she was happy that True was getting much deserved rest, she felt lonely that no one would accompany her in her swim. But Lakea wasn’t a selfish wolf, and heaved herself out of the water to curl up next to her beloved siblings. Lakea shook the water droplets off her fur and headed off to her siblings. She lay down next to Hail and draped her tail over her long snout, something that she always did to keep her nose warm.
It wasn’t long before the first screech of a bat was heard, signifying the entrance of the night. Hail was the first to wake, he made an effort to haul himself to his paws, but failed as searing pain screamed through his back and he yelped quietly. True pricked her ears to the noise and turned her small black head to her brother.
“Hello Hail, it would probably be a good idea if you got some more rest.” She said gently, nuzzling her brother’s wiry neck ruff caringly. Hail rolled his bright silver eyes, even though he loved his sister, he wasn’t used to getting this much attention from her and could do nothing about it. Hail knew that he had to give in to this affection and flumped his furry head to the ground. He watched Lakea intently, monitoring every twitch and little whine that sprung from her lips as she slept, he wondered what she was dreaming about, but he couldn’t put the nail on it. True licked her brother’s wounds as carefully as she could, but despite this, every so often he would flinch in pain. But True would apologise softly and then get back to cleaning the wound.
It wasn’t long before she realised that her stomach was beginning to growl gently and she got up to get the remains of the eagle. True grabbed the eagle by its powerful neck and carried it proudly towards Hail. She tore off a wing and crunched a small amount up before turning to Hail and saying,
“Would you like some, brother?” Hail nodded feebly, but inside he was snarling, why couldn’t he move? It was like some great bear was pinning him down with its mighty paws. He felt weak... and totally useless. He was supposed to lead them; and all he had done was to cause them problems.
Lakea had started to wake up when she smelt the blood mixing with the air and opened her blue eyes wearily to look around, staring face to face with her brother.
“Been up long?” she murmured quietly. She was wondering what she had missed out, when she saw True tearing a bit of breast meat off for her brother and tossed it in front of him. Lakea heaved herself up and nudged the meat closer to his muzzle. She then called back to her sister,
“Can I have the rest of your wing?” she said slyly. True stared goggle-eyed at her, how did her sister know she had eaten a wing? Lakea hadn’t even looked at her!
“Sure, but how did you-“
“You’re a very messy eater.” Lakea grinned and pointed a muzzle at the small wing bones scattered around her paws. True laughed, but was secretly very embarrassed, her sister was so much more aware than she was. True knew that she was just a non Kirja.
In the shelter of a holly tree lay a black wolf, he eyed their every move, their every twitch, he had been following them from the very, very beginning.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,801 Reviews
Ello again.
I've not found much to critique on for this chapter.
The story seems to be told in a slightly fairy-taleish way, as if it's written for young children, but the speach of the characters and the way they talk is a bit too advanced, and it seems to be inconsistent with the rest of it.
I'll try not to echo what I said in the previous review too much, but again you need to look into the nature of wolves. The good thing about this perspective is that it's different to a normal human perspective, but when your characters act like humans it's not as much fun.
For example, do you know why the image of a lone wolf is so interesting? Because wolves are not lone creatures, in fact they're quite the opposite. They stay together, almost all the time. For that reason it makes no sense that their mother would actually throw them out, or that the rest of the pack wouldn't follow them.
To part four.
Ah okay.
xD Was it the one that Maroono wrote? (He's a good friend of mine and his main character is called Wind)
About the Kirja burning thing, I really don't know because I'm not sure what it is yet. XD It does seem to be important to Hail and the way he develops as a character, so I don't think you need to get rid of it, but maybe spend a bit more time describing it and explaining it.
Really? No Wind? Hmm, maybe my brain's going faulty.
Edit: I just remembered that that was from a completely different wolf related story. Sorry!
You're so welcome! I'm glad I was able to help
Thanks Kiwi!
I totally get what you're saying about the random burning, Kirja thing. I should probably get rid of it. xD
Wind? I don't think I've got a character called Wind. Their father is called Riko. Yeah, you're right, it is a sudden dump of info, maybe I should add it to the beginning and refer back to it instead of dumping it in this chapter.
I'll definiately do what you suggested about the eagle attack.
Thanks so much for this review!
Hey!
Great chapter! It's definitely my favourite one so far. I like how you've shown more of the pups' characters. It looks like Isha's already covered a lot of the stuff so I don't have that much to add.
I thought that none of the pups actually knew what Kirja was yet? In the soul burning part it seemed like neither Hail nor his mother really knew what was going on, so it seems a little odd that he's muttering about it. Then again, maybe he's found out more. I don't know.
Wasn't their father called Wind? Also, this is a bit of a sudden dump of information. If they were told this story when they were younger it would perhaps fit in better if they were told it in an earlier chapter. Is it really necessary to give this much information about their history? As well, this is another instance of you talking about Kirja as if everyone already knows what it is. If you have the characters who know what it is talking about it then that's fair enough and helps to build up the mystery but when the narrator talks about it in passing in this way it seems to the reader like it's something they should already know about.
I love the action scene with the eagle but I think you could make it more exciting by describing the pups' panic more, so that we know what they're feeling as it happens, and maybe putting a few shorter sentences in (e.g, "The eagle shrieked fiercely." or "Lakea leaped", that kind of thing) to make it feel fast paced.
Aside from these suggestions all I have to say is that I enjoyed the chapter and I'm looking forward to finding out about this mysterious wolf!
Thanks Isha!
What you said about dialogue made perfect sense and I never knew that before! (stupid English teachers)
Thanks so much for your review!
Alrighty!!
You know the colour drill already, so I won't repeat it.
Let's do this!
Okay! So!
Loved this chapter, as usual.
However, I'm still seeing a lot of places where one paragraph should be two or more paragraphs. Remember, that whenever you switch between one thing happening to another, a new paragraph should probably be formed. (i.e, say that you're talking about Hail hunting down a rabbit, and he's almost got it. If you wanted to say that the rabbit narrowly escaped, it's a good idea to put this on a new paragraph)
Also, when using dialogue, I noticed that you seemed to start a new paragraph every time the dialogue came after the 'she said' or 'he said' or whatever. You should keep the dialogue in the same paragraph, and the actions afterwards should start a new one.
Also, one more thing. When you punctuate your dialogue, this is what it should look like:
'"The cherry is in the basket," said Kim.' If you have a 'said', 'groaned', ect... afterwards instead of a seperate action, then end the dialogue with a coma (or question/exclamation mark) and start the 'said' (or whatever) with a lower-case letter.
Then:
'"The cherry is in the basket." Kim motioned with her hand to the basket on the counter.' It's an action rather than describing how it was said, therefore you end the dialogue with a period (or a question/exclamation mark) and start the action with a captial.
IF that made sense....>.> I'm not so good at explaining things like that.
Other than that, this was incredible and I can't wait to see chapter 4 up!