Published December 11, 2007
Her hair swirling around with the playful wind. Her lips red like a crimson sonnet so perfected they could be sculptured by angels. Her grace, her poise and her appearance all tainted by the absence of passion in her eyes.
No passion. No love. No hope.
Walking mindlessly though the crowded streets of New York bundled in a stylish pale gray coat, she is living a life of non existence.
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141,329 Literary Works • 674,350 Reviews
It's a pretty good description, but you really "lay it on thick". I mean, non-existance? There is a line between a beautiful, unpassionate character and a... overly dramtized character. I see an overly dramatized character. And it would help if we knew why she wasn't passionate. And most of all, passion, love, and hope are different things. Passion for what? It could work, just tone it down a little. And tell us why.
Overall, it just needs a little work to make it good.
*Moved to Other*