Young Writers Society

Hey CrazyGirl. I don't know if you will consider this a review or not but I just want to say how I feel about this work. I have never seen anyone write such a work in the "Other" category before. Usually people end up writing essays and what-not but I think you managed to use this particular category in the best way and publish a work that is so meaningful yet so simple. Sometimes we do tend to neglect these everyday details, particularly because we never want to look at the darker side of life. But, if I, personally, would have to have a slight jolt-back-into-reality then I'd rather read this work than some other intense poetry. Great work on everything! Waiting to read more such works!!! Thank you

Hey there! Shey here for a quick review!

I find this to be an interesting piece. It's not exactly poetry, but when read, the prose sounds a bit rhythmic. It's clearly written as prose, and yet I can't ignore that the rhythm and the message are highly poetic.

I did enjoy this, which is something I need to make clear. It was a great read. I guess my only issue with it is that the meaning behind the work was unclear. It was very mysterious. Hey, mysterious is great for any work. Yet, I feel like this piece was written to convey a message, and it bugs me that I can't figure out what the message is.

I'm not really sure what my comment would actually be, but it's something I figure is worth telling you. Getting reader's perspective is definitely important, always, and so I think that my short review could actually possibly maybe help a little bit in future works like this.

Overall, great job! Keep up the awesome work, and I look forward to seeing more from you!

Hey, CrazyGirl! Lupa here for a RevMo review. Let's get staaaaarted!

1)

Not in any tangible way no, I mean not the distorted you see in a Picasso painting but in the way you feel so disconnected, so out of touch with yourself like watching yourself scream in slow motion, everything is broken around you with more shit falling down and an ironically cheerful classical music playing in the background.

Not in any tangible way, no. I meanNot the distorted you see in a Picasso painting, but in the way you feel so disconnected, so out of touch with yourself. It's like watching yourself scream in slow motion; everything is broken around you with more shit falling down and ironically cheerful classical music playing in the background.

Hey there, CrazyGirl! I thought I'd come on over and give some honest thoughts about this work.

So, first and foremost, I like use of repetition and the central concept of being distorted. As I'm currently in the middle of something like the first paragraph, I can relate to the sensations of despair and chaos hovering around the "you" being described there. On the whole, these are situations that, due to their timing or nature, can adequately be described as distorted, and I find it a rather apt word for dissonant serenity or tired minds However, I can't help but feel that paragraph, and the piece as a whole, is vague. While, indeed, frustration and insomnia are common sensations, they are described without much color or scenery. What's broken? What's falling down? It's hard for me to truly absorb myself in the work and its feelings if I can't envision each situation as it's happening. Too, the third one, due to being more a critique of society than the others, doesn't fit. Why is it distorted? What should it be? How can it related to private, internal feelings of despair?

Beyond that, the flow of the piece is choppy, and could do with some reading over and figuring out where appropriate pauses go (especially at the beginnings of the first two paragraphs). Perhaps it can considered stylistic, and maybe stands as an embodiment of the sense of distortion and the way it can affect language, but I found it ultimately confusing, especially as the best use of phrases run together is in the most impersonal paragraph (the third one). Lastly, the use of "I mean" may not be appropriate here, as it's a sudden change to first-person in what is mainly a second-person perspective. This, combined with the narrator's lack of recognition of themselves over the rest of the piece, means that I think you'd be better off removing it. Nevertheless, this was a decent piece to read, and, though it needs plenty of fleshing out, it has a solid base. Well done!

Heyo, I'm here to get my RevMo started off to a non-pathetic start (as in, doing at least one review on the first day).

Nit-picks:

so out of touch with yourself like watching yourself scream

If they were smiling walking all alone while just taking a trip across the sidewalk I imagine you would be more concerned about that. If you're absorbed in what you're doing you're probably going to have your business face on. If you're relaxing, or chatting to somebody odds are then you're going to be having a good time. I would hardly say they lost interest in everything or anything close to that.

I would agree that when people ask "How are you," that half the time it's just a formality or a mannerism. I like to see a realistic piece in here: it's good to be raw sometimes.

thoughts from Wrisky's Airspace