May the ever pounding heart of the man quiver at the last breach of security he has endured. May the sounds of angry animals fill the air as he backs into the corner of his livelihood, the house whose cornerstone lay in the labor of all those animals who he has oppressed again and again. May the system be tied to the train tracks and left alone, and may the status quo feel frightened with every passing moment. Let the livestock out.
Friends, enemies, fellow barn animals, lend me your ears. In the years that have passed since the dawn of this nation, our kind has been trampled to the ground again and again, not with the friendly punch of hooves, but with the rubbery stomp of a steel-toed boot. For too long has our kind been enslaved by the farmers. We deserve to let our colors fly and to run free in the wild, rather than working the fields tirelessly with no aim other than to please the master.
Hear ye, hear ye, we must spread create a change. It is time for a change, one that can only occur with an Orwellian smack of irony and an unquenchable spirit. We can all see that what we are now living in is communism, plain and simple, because we have been forced into this tirade without contemplations of right or wrong. We work, and the fruits of out labors go to the “whole.” However, this “whole” is strongly unbalanced towards the humans’ side. As anything can tell you, the only cure for communism is more communism, so let us spread the cud around.
Revolt! Rebellion! Smash the fence and overturn the troughs! It is time for a new status quo, a new SYSTEM! A System of the Down! That’s right, the down that is the still-attached feathers of our chicken and goose friends. Burn the barn and fry the farm! Let the blood of our burger, hot dog, and chicken nugget brothers not be wasted. We will stamp on the shears and seize the stable! Before he has time to say “I reckon,” the farmer’s head will be on OUR mantle!
Rebellion is the only way to save ourselves, animal brethren! As Thomas Jefferson said, “The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.” We must all think this way in order to achieve freedom. We must start with quiet civil disobedience however, because that is just the way things go. Luring our captors into a false sense of security is the best way to create an attack on the very fabric of their existence. To do this we MUST follow the Five Rules. We have to use Cow Logic!
Cow Logic Encompasses All, But is Not Limited to, the following:
1.) Absolute disobedience of the Man.
2.) Absolute suspicion of the Man.
3.) Full stomach before good looks.
4.) Full stomach; good looks.
5.) If the Man abuses his power, it is our right and duty to make sure there is a change.
So, my furry and fine feathered friends, a duck who may be somebody’s mother, a bear who was very fuzzy- was he? We need to rip down the banner, and carry it burning through the dirt roads of this town, proclaiming to the world that enough is enough! We are tired of letting our kind start to be massacred when their trivial slave labor is no longer needed. When machines replace us we must rage against the machine. When they don’t, we must free ourselves from our bonds! You say we cannot stop living in sties and cages, but YES WE CAN! The Cow Movement is starting right here and right now. We must inspire our races of animals to revolt with us.
Hallelujah, Amen! Who is with me? Let me hear a snort!
Let me hear a baaaa!
Let me hear a moo!!!