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The Cow Movement- let???s spread the cud around

by CowLogic


May the ever pounding heart of the man quiver at the last breach of security he has endured. May the sounds of angry animals fill the air as he backs into the corner of his livelihood, the house whose cornerstone lay in the labor of all those animals who he has oppressed again and again. May the system be tied to the train tracks and left alone, and may the status quo feel frightened with every passing moment. Let the livestock out.

Friends, enemies, fellow barn animals, lend me your ears. In the years that have passed since the dawn of this nation, our kind has been trampled to the ground again and again, not with the friendly punch of hooves, but with the rubbery stomp of a steel-toed boot. For too long has our kind been enslaved by the farmers. We deserve to let our colors fly and to run free in the wild, rather than working the fields tirelessly with no aim other than to please the master.

Hear ye, hear ye, we must spread create a change. It is time for a change, one that can only occur with an Orwellian smack of irony and an unquenchable spirit. We can all see that what we are now living in is communism, plain and simple, because we have been forced into this tirade without contemplations of right or wrong. We work, and the fruits of out labors go to the “whole.” However, this “whole” is strongly unbalanced towards the humans’ side. As anything can tell you, the only cure for communism is more communism, so let us spread the cud around.

Revolt! Rebellion! Smash the fence and overturn the troughs! It is time for a new status quo, a new SYSTEM! A System of the Down! That’s right, the down that is the still-attached feathers of our chicken and goose friends. Burn the barn and fry the farm! Let the blood of our burger, hot dog, and chicken nugget brothers not be wasted. We will stamp on the shears and seize the stable! Before he has time to say “I reckon,” the farmer’s head will be on OUR mantle!

Rebellion is the only way to save ourselves, animal brethren! As Thomas Jefferson said, “The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.” We must all think this way in order to achieve freedom. We must start with quiet civil disobedience however, because that is just the way things go. Luring our captors into a false sense of security is the best way to create an attack on the very fabric of their existence. To do this we MUST follow the Five Rules. We have to use Cow Logic!

Cow Logic Encompasses All, But is Not Limited to, the following:

1.) Absolute disobedience of the Man.

2.) Absolute suspicion of the Man.

3.) Full stomach before good looks.

4.) Full stomach; good looks.

5.) If the Man abuses his power, it is our right and duty to make sure there is a change.

So, my furry and fine feathered friends, a duck who may be somebody’s mother, a bear who was very fuzzy- was he? We need to rip down the banner, and carry it burning through the dirt roads of this town, proclaiming to the world that enough is enough! We are tired of letting our kind start to be massacred when their trivial slave labor is no longer needed. When machines replace us we must rage against the machine. When they don’t, we must free ourselves from our bonds! You say we cannot stop living in sties and cages, but YES WE CAN! The Cow Movement is starting right here and right now. We must inspire our races of animals to revolt with us.

Hallelujah, Amen! Who is with me? Let me hear a snort!

Let me hear a baaaa!

Let me hear a moo!!!


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Sat Oct 05, 2013 4:11 am
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MooCowPoop says...



MOO! I LOVE THIS! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I must ask: what inspired you to write this? Was it Orwell? If so, I must read up on this guy. I have his books but I have not been inspired to read them.




CowLogic says...


Meh, Orwell was one of many influences. I was never a huge fan of him, but his books are worth a read. Thanks for the kind words



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Sun Jul 28, 2013 10:38 pm
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Carina wrote a review...



What up.
Don't mind me, I'm just a little elf who noticed that you didn't get the two reviews in the Christmas in July event, so I'm here to do it instead. WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT. YOU NEED TO LOOK EXCITED.
But anyways, I mainly only review prose since my poetry skills kinda suck, and you have two short stories—perf! Even though this is kinda old, but shhh.

Okay, now I'll be srs bsns.

The concept of this story is beyond phenomenal, almost too good for words. The cows, like stated, are terribly mistreated and could be symbolized and represented as other things homo sapiens mercilessly slaughter: sheep, chickens, alligators, bumblebees, aliens. Homo sapiens have set their an ironclad fist down as a twisted dictator, grotesquely growing the cattle only to tear them apart. Without a single sympathetic thought, these beings would pluck them away from their already tattered homes to slaughter them with greed plaguing their mind, never thinking twice about the evil deed they are bestowing on these alive and innocent creatures.

The revolution, the battle—it is something only natural for anyone to do, and the cows overtaking homo sapiens can very well happen. They do, after all, have enough motivation and reason to do so: these sick homo sapiens slaughter them to have a taste of their blood and fat under their sharp teeth, to raise them up in hellish and cruel conditions, and to never listen to their cries as the cattle's moos pierce the night saying, "Stop your madness! Stop your cruelty! Give us justice!"

This piece was very well written, and may very well just be something in the future.

A correction, though:

As Thomas Jefferson said, “The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.”


Should be:

“The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with bacon and burgers.”


Good day.

~Carina




CowLogic says...


I love it.



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Fri Jul 26, 2013 1:42 pm
Skydreamer says...



XDD This is amazing. There should be a CowLogic club or something.




CowLogic says...


There is... In the future. When I'm famous.



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Sun Feb 24, 2013 2:35 am
Cailey wrote a review...



Hello there, Cailey here to review. :)
This was super interesting, and made me laugh. I'm hoping you meant for this to be humorous? When I started, I was wondering if you had just finished reading Animal Farm. Then you said something about Orwell, and my suspicions were confirmed.
My main complaint is the style. For the most part, this is entertaining. It's funny, it's sarcastic, it's satyrical. However, at the same time it isn't just funny. I mean, when Orwell wrote Animal Farm he had tons of background information that was joining together to make his poin. He wasn't just writing about animal rebellion for fun- he was trying to make a point. Now, in this, it seems like you're just writing for fun. Maybe even a sense of mocking of Orwell? And yet, there are parts where you do get political and go into the deeper topics that don't necesarily fit in with the humor. I would like this more if you either stuck to being humorous or made it more clear what your "political" point is with this.
What are you trying to say with this piece? Besides, animals are revolting.
I don't see from this what you want to get at. What do we as readers take away from this? Try and make it more clear. Write with a purpose, and show us readers what that purpose is through your writing.
Hope that didn't sound harsh, I did like this and it did make me crack up. :D
Hope this helps!




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Sun Feb 24, 2013 2:04 am
Cailey wrote a review...



Alright, let's try this again. :)




CowLogic says...


Hey. Thanks for the review.

To tell you the truth, I really wasn't trying hard when I wrote this. I took maybe ten minutes to write it, and it was meant to be a literary resume, you could say, just to showcase my level of writing.

About Orwell, I have never actually read Animal Farm, but I know what it is about, so that's why I mentioned that in there. The thing about animals rebelling is actually just an inside joke among my real-life friends. Being an inside joke, I understand why you didn't get it (LoL).

As for politics, I was not trying to make a point.

As for humor, I just threw in some subtle and some not so subtle jokes. Like I said, this wasn't intended to be a masterpiece by any means.

Thanks again. Have a good one.

PS: IMPORTANT: I left you a comment on your wall that may help you out a little.



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Tue Jan 22, 2013 11:05 am
AlfredSymon wrote a review...



Cowlogic! Hey, let me give you a review for this very lovely piece, Cow Movement!

Let me say, this is one of the funniest things I've read for a while! I say, even your username matches the article! I don't know what else to say, I just think that it's very inventive, creative, imaginative and very funny :) The concept of having cows and other barn animals revolt due to one animal's Declaration of Independence is, like, a very inventive thing to start with at YWS. Another thing I liked is that you effectively wrote in the perspective of a cow, replacing terms like 'feet' with 'hoof' and a lot more. I think this became a factor for the overall effect of the piece on the readers.

Another thing I found is the very beautiful use of vocabulary. You didn't use simple words, yet you didn't use too confusing and/or formal ones, settling the whole article into a stable ground of reading pleasure. One more thing; I think the references from different speeches you had (like 'Lend me your ears') are all great. I think it's a good way to revitalize them and give them the zoological spice you drowned the other lines with :) This speech rocks, Cowlogic, I hope to read more of these from you! Hahaha! :)

Anyways, much for my opinions, here is the REAL critique:

Friends, enemies, fellow barn animals, lend me your ears.

This is a bit aaawkward. See, why would you ask the animals to give you their ears if you've already told a lot of things from the first paragraph? You've already begun your speech, so it seems a bit inappropriate to ask them to listen first o what you say in the second paragraph.

Let the livestock out.

I think this breaks the steadily increasing strength of the lines. If the whole speech is spoken out loud, it won't sound very great with the place you've given it.

For too long has our kind

This line has already been mentioned in a preceding sentence. Repetition only matters when they're all parallel, used repetitively a few times as a recurring theme. Twice side-by-side loses effectiveness.

a duck who may be somebody’s mother, a bear who was very fuzzy- was he?

Again with the parallel. To go better with the usual style, how about mentioning three animals?

Anyways, that's only for our show tonight! I hope you enjoyed the show! Thanks for a good read :)

Your pal,
Al :)




CowLogic says...


Much thanks to you Al. You have some good suggestions here.

I didn't really have time to be picky because I wanted to bump this out in the waning time before my run, but I will be sure to take special notice of the Holy Trinity (not the most common term for the Magic Three, I suppose, but the same general concept) and parallelism next time.

Have a good one.



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Mon Jan 21, 2013 11:31 pm
justine94 says...



First of all, I really enjoyed this piece! Like the two people who reviewed before me, I am a farm kid. While I live in town right now--college, you know--I grew up on a farm in the middle of nowhere and I still prefer it. As to cows...they irritate me to no end, and they certainly fit much of the descriptions that you have inserted.

I would be picky about grammar and spelling, but the others beat me to it. :) I would encourage you to proofread BEFORE you post something in the future. This is more for your sake than it is for anyone else. It saves time in the long run, and it helps you develop a reputation as a proper writer.

Over all, it is a well-written piece of humor. Well done.




CowLogic says...


Thanks for the kind words and advice. Hope college is treating you well.



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Mon Jan 21, 2013 10:01 pm
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Payne wrote a review...



Hey there, Cow Logic! First off, this was an extremely enjoyable read. It's been a while since I've read a story that genuinely made me laugh.

quiver at the last breach of security he has endured.

Not sure if 'endured' is the right word here? It makes it sound as though the man is the victim there. However, that's just personal preference; feel free to ignore.


Hear ye, hear ye, we must spread create a change.

Omit either 'spread' or 'create.'





It is time for a new status quo, a new SYSTEM! A System of the Down! That’s right, the down that is the still-attached feathers of our chicken and goose friends.

Possibly my favorite line. As well as this one:

In the years that have passed since the dawn of this nation, our kind has been trampled to the ground again and again, not with the friendly punch of hooves, but with the rubbery stomp of a steel-toed boot.



As a farmer myself (though I hope I'm not quite that villainous) I can really relate to this; I have a goat or two who I'm sure would love to join in this movement simply because they love being cantankerous. You have a good grasp of story flow, your style is easy and comfortable. and this really did read like an indignant person's (or cow's) words.

I liked it from beginning to end, so I'm having sort of a hard time finding something to critique here...

Keep up the good work! I'll definitely be keeping an eye out for more of your writings.




CowLogic says...


Thank you greatly sir/madam. I'll make sure to fix those errors ASAP.

Can I get those goats' email addresses? Just kidding.

Anyways, much obliged.



Payne says...


Eh, I had to restrict their internet access, unfortunately. Mel kept flaming everyone at forums, and Joker wouldn't stay off the dating sites...



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Mon Jan 21, 2013 9:23 pm
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xXTheBlackSheepXx wrote a review...



BAAAAAAA *cough cough*

Ok, so this is a pretty invigorating speech, for a cow haha. I'm not completely sure if you are being serious here or just having fun with the idea though.

Being a farm girl myself, I have to say I find the idea of our herd smashing fences to bits and overturning troughs quite frightening indeed. O_O

I agree that there are a lot of mass-produce meat companies that have truly awful conditions for the animals. But honestly, a lot of regular farmers give great homes to their animals. Real rural farms have lots of land, grass, hay, blue skies, shelter... a much better setup for an animal than if you'd just leave a herd to fend for themselves in the wild.

Also, I didn't get these two parts:

3.) Full stomach before good looks.

4.) Full stomach; good looks.

Since when do animals care about good looks? xP

Anyways, this was an interesting read :) Keep writing!




CowLogic says...


Nah. This is just a humorous piece. It is just supposed to be a parody of political speeches and various other things, inspired by Animal Farm by George Orwell.

All in good fun.

Who doesn't care about good looks?

Thanks for the comment, and I agree about your viewpoint on farms. Being a fan of Jefferson, I believe small farmers are what made America great. I don't know if you are from America, but it doesn't make too much of a difference.

Country for life





ah, ok! ^_^ It did remind me a bit of Animal Farm :)
yup yup American farm girl right here lol




We are just a speck, on a speck, orbiting a speck, in the corner of a speck, in the middle of nowhere.
— Bill Nye