Entry 2 - What If I'm Wrong?

Hey there Cow! (Thought for a second you were CowLogic reborn for a moment, but I suppose you are just two separate cows)

This is really powerful poem. I interpreted it to be about anxiety, that small voice in the back of your head that seems to hold you back from so much, and the way for some people that voice can be controlling, demeaning, and persistent to a hellish extent. I've also struggled with anxiety, and I felt that this poem did a good job of subtly showing one of the ways anxiety can affect the daily lives of young people. The way you exhibited this message in a subtle yet powerful way was my favorite part of this poem.

As a subtle grammar nitpick, this line:

I remember the class being asked questions

is grammatically very awkward and interferes with your flow, especially if someone were to read this poem aloud. I would suggest you find a way to rephrase this while keeping the emphasis on the parts of that sentence that you wanted to be emphasized to make it less awkward and wordy.

On a larger note, I think separating this into stanzas could help create a more clear narrative arc for your poem. That's more of a housekeeping note; you could make this poem work without stanzas, but I think there are enough subtle transitions that it could help divide your poem in a neater and more clear format than combining it in a single group.

Secondly, I think you have some opportunities to show rather than tell that you don't utilize to their full potential. For example, rather than saying "My teacher made me nervous // A big lady with a loud voice", you could say "When my teacher's booming voice commands the class // My stomach twists and my little fists clench" or something to that effect. In the following line, "It made me quiet", you could say instead "I stopped mid-conversation with my classmate // and began refusing classmate's attempts at discussions". (Those lines are just suggestions of ideas of how you could begin to show rather than tell, since I recognize that tone and voice may not be what you're going for in this poem).

But overall, this was a powerful poem that I was able to connect to emotionally and made me feel something, so great work on that! I think working on some more formatting options and exploring that area a little more, as well as being careful to show rather than tell at every opportunity, will help take this poem to the next level. I hope these comments were helpful to you, and if you have any questions please feel free to reach out!

Best,
Tuck

Hi Cow,
Wow, this poem really brought up memories! Especially the thing about rice; I still do that whenever I can.
Okay, I'll quickly run through whatever I think you can change/edit.

It smelled clean,

What smelled clean exactly? If you mean the air, perhaps you could add that?

Glue was mentioned twice, both times close to each other, so try using another word in one area.

I remember the carpet,

So colorful yet grimy.

This was a very nice image, actually, but it felt too random and out of place. One or two more lines that connect this with the previous memories would not be amiss.

My teacher made me nervous,

This was rather abrupt. While this may have been intentional, I do believe it can follow a smoother transition from happy memories to bad memories.

a loud voice,

I think a semi colon should replace the comma.

Whup, whup. That's it. Now what I did like.

Like Crayola wax and glue.

The sounds in this sentence blended together very smoothly and made a pleasant effect!

The ending was quite good. It's sad, but well written. Just so you know, you're an amazing person. Don't doubt yourself. What if you are wrong? That doesn't make you someone to be looked down on. It doesn't make you any less awesome either.
This was a good read. Keep tagging me, I would love to see more of your work.
Good luck!
- Lee