"Go on, shoot. And we both go down, and you win. Go on. I'm dead, anyway! I always was, right? I didn't know that until now. Isn't that what they want, huh? No! I can still do this. I can still do this. One more kill. It's the only thing I know how to do. Bring pride to my district. Not that it matters."
~~~~~~~~~~
This is it huh? After everything that’s happened this is how it’s going to end. How did I come to this? How did the world come to this? I thought we could make it, me and Clove. Damn you, Thresh! At least I’m not going to give District twelve what we couldn’t get. I can still snap his neck. I’ve got my hands around it right now.
She’s recovered. She’s aiming her bow at me. I tighten my grasp around his neck.
"Go on, shoot. And we both go down,” I say, she hesitates, “and you win.”
I can’t win. Not anymore. I know that. I’m bloodied and battered. She’s fresh out of rest obviously. I can’t possibly beat her. She’s got a bow. Me with my bare hands, I could injure her. Pretty sure she’s not too good at hand to hand combat. But it’s useless.
I’m a pawn, that’s what I am. It’s just a TV show. And I’m going to die. I wish reality shows weren’t real.
“Go on. I’m dead anyway! I always was, right?” Why is she not shooting? Oh, right. Lover boy. “I didn’t know that until now.” Yeah. Even a few minutes ago I was confident. I could’ve won. I could’ve. “Isn't that what they want, huh?”
Really? I was trained for this since the day I could walk. I lived for this. This was supposed to be an honor. Not something I die for uselessly. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I was supposed to make it…
It’s not fair, damn it!
She pulls the bowstring slightly, preparing to shoot. I’ve probably been standing still for too long. “No! I can still do this.” I place my palm over Lover boy’s ear. She knows what I’m talking about. No one else could’ve blown our supplies. We would’ve found a body otherwise. I smirk. It’s useless, I know. But I smirk. “I can still do this. One more kill. It’s the only thing I know how to do, bring pride to my district.” Lover boy traces something on the back of my hand. I don’t think it’s important anymore. “Not that it matters.”
Everything else is a blur. The next thing I know, the wolf mutts are on top of me. They’re ripping me apart, limb by limb. I scream. The pain, it’s unbearable. Is this what the others feel when I hit them?
I see her looking at me from on top of the cornucopia. The sky is becoming lighter in color. Dawn.
There’s pity in her eyes. At this point even I pity myself. I could’ve lived. For something different. Something better. But this world didn’t allow it. The Capitol didn’t allow it. And I hate them for it.
This pain… It’s too much…
Please… Make this end...
She aims her bow at me.
Something sharp hits my skull. And that’s all there is to it.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Damn, this is deep. Bravo. *claps* Ok, I couldn't find any simple errors. Honestly this is just plain good.
Thanks!
Hello!
Finally! Someone wrote a Fanfic about something I know! So as you might have guessed, I've never read Fanfic. That's OK, it just means this will be interesting!
I really liked how you played the pawn thing that Katniss was always obsessing about. It's interesting that you put Cato on their side, in the end... I found that somehow quite realistic. It reminded me of suicide victims and how after they tried to kill themselves, supposedly the vast majority realized that all the problems in their lives could be fixed. I'm not sure why that reminded me of that, but it did.
Something's off about your present tense. It feels like you're talking in the past about the present... though maybe it's just because I haven't read anything in present tense for awhile.
I didn't really like that there's no mention of time going by when Cato is being eaten by the Mutts. Since, as we know, in the Hunger Games it's quite a long time before Katniss ends his misery. Maybe you're aloud to change things like that in Fanfic...? I don't know... but I'm not too sure I like it.
Anyway, it was a pretty cool short, regardless! Keep it up, my friend!!!
See you around!
-Socks
thanks for the review! and about the time thing... this one was shot out of the movie, sort of, so yeah...
Oh, it was based off of the movie, rather than the book?
yeah sort of...
Ah, I see... cool!
Hi! Cricket here for a review!! *eyes page* I'm gonna have a hard time with this one! Hunger Games fan-fic? Awesome! My brother once wrote one of those, but nevermind that for now.
Ohh, it looks like you've done a fairly beat up job on capturing the character of Cato (btw, he's like one of the characters that I always watch the most). Cato was somebody who was, although a pawn entire time, understood who the actual enemy was in the end, (at least that's how it was for me), but didn't want to give up the idea that he was bringing honor to his district. As a watcher of the movie and now some fan-fic, I have learned to thoroughly respect him, but obviously not for his choices! His power is so intriguing! You captured his mind fairly well too, as I didn't see Cato as the most intelligent of people. Your thought connection made him see simple but brutal. Well done!
I thought this seemed a little dry, and unemotional. They didn't seem to connect well to each other, in my opinion. So yeah, I'd run over them and try and see if you can rephrase them a bit.
Comma before names.
These sentences I didn't think flowed very well together. Seemed to have very loose connectors.
Needs to be capitalized.
Comma after fair.
I don't think this is enough emotion for such an EMOTIONALLY charged moment. Maybe go into more of it, and make it seem more graphic.
This didn't seem to be a very good ending line to me. Maybe go into like the sky faded out, and the pain slowly went away. (not exactly like that, but something that seems hopeful). Try and make him seem like he's given up hope, yes, but also looking towards what is going to happen once he's dead. Just something along those lines I think.
OK, and I think this is it! A shorter review than usual, because WELL, this is a pretty fab piece. Just needs some brushing up on your sentence connectors for the most part!
Hope this helped you!
Thanks for tagging me!
~CRICKET
You bet it helped me! And thanks for bring this out of the green room... I owe you one!
And I'll fix those things...as soon as I get time...
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It hurt just hearing the last part.
I like how you're always to-the-point...
Hi.
So contrary to your previous work I kinda found this a bit predcitable.
The characters were miserable, well characterised but kind of depressing.
The ending of the work leaves no hope for the reader:
I wonder what inspired you to write this and I hope it's not based on real life.
You have good descriptive techniques in the previous paragraphs:
Although the thing you are actually describing is a little bit cliche
Keep writing.
Hey maybe maybe you didn't notice that it's actually a hunger games fanfic... well it is my fault for categorizing it wrongly...
Glad you liked it!
-facepalm-
I am so stupid. XD
I was busy looking at the way you had written it, as opposed to what it was about. oopsie.