Driving to Michelle’s apartment I didn’t know what to expect. Our “girl’s nights” ranged from full on partying to mini-counseling sessions. I was in a particularly good mood at that moment so I hoped I could let out that happy energy with a night out with the girls.
After I arrived at t he complex, I parked the car, walked upstairs, and knocked on the door, “Hello?”
Slowly creeping in Michelle’s cute apartment I noticed, to my surprise that all the lights were turned off.
“Michelle?” I surveyed once more. “Is anyone here?”
I pressed my hands onto the wall searching for the light switch. When I found it and turned it on I heard a huge, “SURPRISE!!”
Just then about ten of my closest girlfriends jumped up out of their hiding places and hollered. Michelle came up to me shouting excitedly, “Happy birthday!”
My birthday. I had totally forgotten! I had never forgotten my own birthday before then. I was flabbergasted!
“Man, thanks so much you guys! This is crazy nice of you to do this for me!” I gave each and every one of the girls a hug: Monique, Natasha, Susan, Liz, Hali, Katherine, Jennifer, Heather, and Pennie. “You all are so amazing,” I continued. “Thanks for remembering.”
“Unlike you!” Susan joked.
We all migrated towards the snack food and started our fun girl chatter. It was no surprise the first question they asked me was about Justin.
“So Mandie,” Heather started. “We all want to know…has he popped the question yet?!”
There was immediate giggles and smiles of excitement and curiosity coming from everyone, even some slipping from myself. With a sad smile I had to answer truthfully, “No, not yet.”
Sighs of disappointment came from all ten of them, and I have to say I was completely feeling the same way.
Michelle decided to question me, “Well, how long have you two been together?”
“Three years,” I responded, grabbing a chip and shoving it in my mouth.
“He’s bound to ask you any day now,” Liz stated simply. “It’s the end of your senior year at college, you’re both 22 years old, it’s the perfect time! AND it’s your birthday!”
A thought quickly popped into my head, “Gosh girls, I just remembered, I can’t stay all night. I have a date with him tonight somewhere. It’s a surprise. I’m so sorry!”
“Don’t worry we all know” Katherine told me. “We called him to make sure if he had plans with you already.”
“We were going to invite him too, but he told us about his plans,” Monique piped in.
“Plus,” Katherine continued, “It would totally ruin the definition of our ‘Girls’ Night’”
The girls chuckled in agreement and I quickly got excited, “Do you think he’s going to do it tonight?”
“Probably,” Michelle said while getting a soda out of the refrigerator. “He’d be an idiot if he didn’t take his chance tonight.”
I let out a sigh and thought to myself, I hope you’re right.
The rest of the short night consisted of mainly girl chatter and gossip. Who’s cheating on who, who isn’t going to graduate, and oh, can you believe she did that with him? The girls gave me their gifts, some apologizing for having to bring theirs another time, and I thank them all at once. Unfortunately, it was time for me to leave and follow my mini-map to get to my mystery destination.
Natasha gave me a hug and told me, “Good luck with tonight. I want to be one of the first to know!”
“No you’re supposed to set ME know first!” Michelle exclaimed in protest.
There was a slight outburst from the rest of the girls arguing on who would be granted the honor of hearing the news first, and I had to kind of shout to get them to settle down, “Girls! Stop! I need to find out if there IS going to be any news tonight first!”
They calmed down. I said my final goodbyes and shut the door. At once I started to get nervous about tonight. Every step down the staircase created new and more butterflies in my stomach. I wouldn’t have even thought about Justin proposing if it hadn’t been for the party, we had been together for so long. I can still remember the day I first met him, he was so cute and goofy, I always acted like a freak because I grew nervous at first. Thank goodness that slowly went away as time went on and we started dating. Three years, man, I thought to myself, I never thought that this could last for three whole years.
Getting into my car and closing the door, I grabbed my tiny map and laughed to myself. The directions started from Michelle’s apartment. He knew I was going to be there.
End of chapter
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140,852 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
I really liked this chapter. I cant wait to read chapter 3. I hope he pops the question to her. Off to read chapter 3. Jenn
Dear friend,
I really like your story, sorry for the long wait on the review. I like how you used the ironic factor in the surprise birthday. keep up the good work!!!
-Lily <3
Hey! This chapter is brilliant. I saw few mistakes in the story, I'm not going to point them out so I just suggest you proofread.
Overall I love this story.
I'm going to read the third chapter now
Ikafe
I have to say that this is a great story! I'm glad I get to be your reviewer right now!
These two sentences don't match up; they say surprise then they jump out of their hiding places then they holler? Maybe you could put it a little differently.
"SURPRISE!!"
It may be longer but it makes much more sense.
It doesn't sound right, it almost sounds like it's missing something. It's awkward. Try to fix that.
The rest is very well written and is very grammatical. I like it.
Sorry if I ripped it to peices!!!
Hiya
These are just my opinions, so you can completely ignore me!
1. I actually thought your MC age was between 15-19. I figured she might be 17 because she is driving etc. But when you mentioned she was in her twenties, I was shocked. She just appeared to be too young, and the girls night in thing is more appropriate to young teens. Maybe if you wanted it to be some sort of get together or something instead, or having dinner around that persons house etc.
2. She forgot her own birthday, this isn't really realistic, it can happen but only when there is something that irks your MC or something has happened to make her forgot her own birthday. Maybe on the car ride to the party, you can add some troubling thoughts that is bothering your MC. It may be the fact her boyfriend has not proposed to her or something else.
3. Work around your senses more, to make everything more real to the reader. What is the night like, is it too dark to drive? What does her car smell like, is the radio on or off etc. Was there an eerie silence when she stepped into her friends house? Was she creeped out that the door was left open?
4. When you introduce to many characters, it puts the reader off. Are all the characters you mentioned important? the fact that there is 10, makes it far more easier to begin forgetting characters. You may need to work on who which character is essential for your story and which is just a minor character.
5. Overall I liked this and I think you have something pretty impressive here. The ending made me want to read on. I also wanted to know if he is going to propose or not!
Hope you found this useful.