z

Young Writers Society



Stay Forever [Chapter One]

by Confused.pirate


This is my first romantic fiction story and I would love to hear on what you think!

Chapter One

“Excuse me, but have you seen Justin Rudolph?” I tapped a man’s shoulder.

The man shook his head and turned quickly around, eager to get back to his own business.

I had been searching for my boyfriend for about ten minutes now, all over campus. He wasn’t in any classroom, his dorm and none of his friends that I had come across had seen him. I needed to find him because he said he had a surprise for me, and I was eager to find out what it was. He said he would meet me in front of the student center, but he never showed up.

“Pardon me, do you know where Justin is?” I questioned a random student.

“It’s Justin Rudolph, right? Has kind of shaggy black hair, a bit tall?” the girl pondered as I nodded. “He was with Sean and Evan earlier, not sure where they were headed.”

“Thanks so much!” I told her, and headed over to the first place that came to mind: the basketball court. Justin and his buddies always went there when they were together. It was either that or at the BMX course outside campus.

I headed towards my car, got inside, and put the keys into the ignition. The red Sonata’s quiet purr slightly disturbed the peace, and I started to drive towards the courts, hoping to myself that Justin would be there.

During the quiet five minute cruise, I tried to figure out what Justin had for my surprise. Knowing him, it was probably something silly or small, like an invitation for a walk in the park. He really liked to get me excited, and not once has he failed in the three years we’ve been seeing each other.

Pulling up to the courts I noticed right away that Justin just had to be there. There was a pick up game with a variety of college men. Desperate sorority girls were splayed across the fences, hoping to be recognized by the talented players. There was also the assorted amount of curious bystanders, innocently interested in the game.

As I walked towards one of the games, I spotted some familiar faces, one of them Evan, the other my very own Justin. My body went into full throttle as I saw his face, and to my beautiful luck he was on the skins team. Butterflies soared as I saw him move around the court, chest sparkling with beads of sweat. At a break, he caught my gaze and huge smile immediately plastered onto my face. In return he flashed a grin so magnificent, I could barely stay on my feet.

I broke into a fast walk heading straight to Justin, “Where have you been?”

He chuckled, “What does it look like, Sassy pants?”

We embraced in a hug, but I quickly let him go, “Ew, you stink.”

“Hmm, I wonder why that is?” he pulled me in again for another hug, but this time, just to bug me.

“Okay, okay, enough,” I pulled myself away. “What’s the surprise?”

“Well aren’t we anxious?” he stated. “Well, under one condition am I going to tell you what it is. You must join me in at least one game.”

Justin was talking basketball. I loved to play, but I wasn’t really in the attire to join at the moment, “Rain check?”

He laughed quietly, “Alright then, just let me finish this game and I’ll get back to you.”

I smiled sweetly, gave him a kiss, and let him go.

His team ended up winning, which put him into an even better mood than before. Justin was extremely competitive, and needed to always win. If he didn’t, well, he would most likely demand a rematch and continue until he had victory. We could have been there all night.

After the game I walked over to him, congratulating some of the other men along the way.

“So,” I stated as I reached Justin.

“So,” he mimicked.

“I believe you have something for me?” I reminded him once more while he gathered his belongings.

“Why yes, I do,” he replied with a dazzling smile. He reached into his backpack and held out a rolled up piece of parchment tied with a small ribbon I felt giddy inside as I started to open it. As I said before, I just loved his little tactics.

The message in the note said this:

“Miss Amanda Greene,

Please join me in dinner.

Follow the directions to find out the location.

Love, Your Secret Admirer.”

There were directions to the mystery restaurant underneath his signature.

“Oh, I have a secret admirer, eh?” I teased while grabbing a hold of his hand.

“Why, is that what it says?” he put on an act of astonishment. “Well we better find out who that is and break the news to him that you’re taken.”

I chuckled, “Well what if he doesn’t care, and he’s here to steal me away?”

“Then I’ll fight him to the death with my trusty steed in a joust!” Justin puts a heroic look on his face.

“Alright then. Sounds like a plan.”

We were already at my car, so we stopped and turned towards each other.

“I’ll see you tonight,” he muttered.

I gave him a small peck and stepped away, “Yes, you will.”

Justin opened my door to the driver’s seat and announced, “Your carriage m’ lady?”

“Why thank you kind sir,” I said in an English accent, and hopped inside.

Driving away I received a text message. At the stop light I took a look and saw it was from Michelle, one of my really good friends, “Hey. Girls nite. My house. Come ASAP.”


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Sun Dec 05, 2010 1:50 am
hockeyfan87 wrote a review...



Confused.pirate wrote:This is my first romantic fiction story and I would love to hear on what you think!

Chapter One

“Excuse me, but have you seen Justin Rudolph?” I tapped a man’s shoulder.

The man shook his head and turned quickly around, eager to get back to his own business.

I had been searching for my boyfriend for about ten minutes now, all over campus. He wasn’t in any classroom, his dorm and none of his friends that I had come across had seen him. I needed to find him because he said he had a surprise for me, and I was eager to find out what it was. He said he would meet me in front of the student center, but he never showed up.

“Pardon me, do you know where Justin is?” I questioned a random student.

“It’s Justin Rudolph, right? Has kind of shaggy black hair, a bit tall?” the girl pondered as I nodded. “He was with Sean and Evan earlier, not sure where they were headed.”

“Thanks so much!” I told her, and headed over to the first place that came to mind: the basketball court. Justin and his buddies always went there when they were together. It was either that or at the BMX course outside campus.

I headed towards my car, got inside, and put the keys into the ignition. The red Sonata’s quiet purr slightly disturbed the peace, and I started to drive towards the courts, hoping to myself that Justin would be there.
During the quiet five minute cruise, I tried to figure out what Justin had for my surprise. Knowing him, it was probably something silly or small, like an invitation for a walk in the park. He really liked to get me excited, and not once has he failed in the three years we’ve been seeing each other.

Pulling up to the courts I noticed right away that Justin just had to be there. There was a pick up game with a variety of college men. Desperate sorority girls were splayed across the fences, hoping to be recognized by the talented players. There was also the assorted amount of curious bystanders, innocently interested in the game.
As I walked towards one of the games, I spotted some familiar faces, one of them Evan, the other my very own#FF0000 ">comma Justin. My body went into full throttle as I saw his face, and to my beautiful luck he was on the skins team. Butterflies soared as I saw him move around the court, chest sparkling with beads of sweat. At a break, he caught my gaze and huge smile immediately plastered onto my face. In return he flashed a grin so magnificent, I could barely stay on my feet.

I broke into a fast walk heading straight to Justin, “Where have you been?”

He chuckled, “What does it look like, Sassy pants?”

We embraced in a hug, but I quickly let him go, “Ew, you stink.”

“Hmm, I wonder why that is?” he pulled me in again for another hug, but this time, just to bug me.

“Okay, okay, enough,” I pulled myself away. “What’s the surprise?”

“Well#FF0000 ">comma aren’t we anxious?” he stated. “Well, under one condition am I going to tell you what it is. You must join me in at least one game.”

Justin was talking basketball. I loved to play, but I wasn’t really in the attire to join at the moment, “Rain check?”

He laughed quietly, “Alright then, just let me finish this game #FF0000 ">commaand I’ll get back to you.”

I smiled sweetly, gave him a kiss, and let him go.

His team ended up winning, which put him into an even better mood than before. Justin was extremely competitive, and needed to always win. If he didn’t, well, he would most likely demand a rematch and continue until he had victory. We could have been there all night.

After the game I walked over to him, congratulating some of the other men along the way.

“So,” I stated as I reached Justin.

“So,” he mimicked.

“I believe you have something for me?” I reminded him once more while he gathered his belongings.

“Why yes, I do,” he replied with a dazzling smile. He reached into his backpack and held out a rolled up piece of parchment tied with a small ribbon I felt giddy inside as I started to open it. As I said before, I just loved his little tactics.

The message in the note said this:
“Miss Amanda Greene,
Please join me in dinner.
Follow the directions to find out the location.
Love, Your Secret Admirer.”


There were directions to the mystery restaurant underneath his signature.

“Oh, I have a secret admirer, eh?” I teased while grabbing a hold of his hand.

“Why, is that what it says?” he put on an act of astonishment. “Well we better find out who that is and break the news to him that you’re taken.”

I chuckled, “Well what if he doesn’t care, and he’s here to steal me away?”

“Then I’ll fight him to the death with my trusty steed in a joust!” Justin puts a heroic look on his face.
“Alright then. Sounds like a plan.”

We were already at my car, so we stopped and turned towards each other.

“I’ll see you tonight,” he muttered.

I gave him a small peck and stepped away, “Yes, you will.”

Justin opened my door to the driver’s seat and announced, “Your carriage m’ lady?”

“Why thank you kind sir,” I said#FF0000 ">comma in an English accent, and hopped inside.

Driving away I received a text message. At the stop light I took a look and saw it was from Michelle, one of my really good friends, “Hey. Girls nite. My house. Come ASAP.”

#0040FF ">I really liked this. there isn't much to say, I'm going to go read and review chapter two now:)




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Mon Apr 12, 2010 6:22 am
Yuriiko says...



oh.. you left it hanging!! BTW, the story's cute and romantics! weee! interesting!!




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Sat Apr 10, 2010 2:04 am
punkrockchick wrote a review...



This is really good; there's nothing you can really say wrong with it. I love all the acting, and just the way you phrased everything - you can really imagine these characters, the way they talk to each other makes you think and you really feel like you know what they're feeling.... am definately reading the next chapter!




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Fri Apr 09, 2010 6:33 pm
Ikafe wrote a review...



This is a very interesting story. I totaly loved it. It's cute, funny, sweet. I like the way he gives her notes it's soooooo cute.
I'm about to read the next chapter. :elephant:
Ikafe :P




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Wed Apr 07, 2010 9:18 pm
callmeLily73 wrote a review...



I like your story very much, it filles me with couriousity to see where this story turns out like I think it will. I think this could evolve into an awesome hit! I will go read the next chapter as soon as I can! I can't wait! :D :elephant: - Lily <3




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Thu Apr 09, 2009 9:16 pm
Storm_Bringer wrote a review...



Hello!

Wow. This is an interesting story. I liked it very much!

Sheesh. Amanda sure is bossy. Is she spoiled, rich, and super pretty too? That's okay though. It's all in the characters.

Justin Rudolph. *laughs* Rudolph... What a funny name. But he seems cool. Although he made Amanda look all over for him (meanie).

“Miss Amanda Greene,

Please join me in dinner.

Follow the directions to find out the location.

Love, Your Secret Admirer.”


I think you should put these in italics. It would look more note-ish.

That was really all I found. Good job on all the no-nitpicks and grammer and everything else.

PM me when you write more. Or have any questions.
~Storm





You are in the wrong land even if the roosters recognize you.
— Nathalie Handal, "Noir, une lumière"