Published August 26, 2011
[Post Deleted]
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,958 Literary Works • 672,365 Reviews
Hi Cole.
This is a really amazing piece. I mean really really amazing!
I can understand it quite well. There are some churches that have gone astray. But you must remember that there are still people out there who aren't as far off as you depict here.
This poem had very nice rhyming. I liked it quite a lot. I especially liked the ending.
I didn't really see anything to critiques. Which means that everything I had to say about this poem has been said. So now I shall bid you farewell.
~WW
Awesome. Best one i've read all day nice Novel. I would read the rest of the parts but i don't have time. I assume this is the 17th part of the novel. keep writing. they will be great. have fun reviewing and stuff. GO SHAMROCKS if you aren't on my team sorry about that GO SHAMROCKS.
Nicely written. If only I could have written poetry when I was 17, and as good as that, too. You sure are gonna be the teacher's favorite! Better watch out!
Awesome. Just... awesome. You hit the topic right-on and used perfect wording!
Speechless. I have nothing to saw but you just changed my life.
Hello, HaydenSmith! This poem is very well written, and it captured the situation facing the church, and in fact the whole world, absolutely beautifully. I loved the bit,
Very symbolic, and beautiful.Nitpicks: There are only two spots where Thy and Thine were mixed up: It's like a and an. "Thine" in front of a vowel, "Thy" in front of a consonant. Not that I'm an expert. I actually looked up the rules for Thy and Thine so I could say I had a nitpick.
And in the last line, I don't know if "so" is a typo, maybe? It doesn't quite fit the sentence or the rhythm.
But don't take that to mean I didn't like your poem! I really liked it. The ryhmes were great, and the rhythm was decent. It's also great to read something without any spelling or grammar mistakes. Great job! Write on, and God bless.
~DragonGirl11
Hello. You've chosen the perfect title for it. 'She Bears a Traitor's Sword' I like it. It immediately caught my attention. I like your presentation. You've displayed a very neat poem. The description has no faults,
I like the way you've described each line with clearity. It definitely speaks of what is wrong with the world. You are a very talented writer so preserve this poem if you want so that you can read it later when you're older. It's just something I always do and it feels good. Anyway, keep it up!
Wow, this definitely felt powerful to me. I'm not a religious person, either, I'm not even sure what religion I can fairly belong to. I just felt like you portrayed this in a way that was deep and personal and lacked coming off as "preachy." That's definitely hard with religious poetry, and I think you did really well.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver