“Pure insanity,” Char growled as she released a surge of Essentia that honed her already formidable talons and dug them into my arm with renewed intensity, “And stupid.”
One of the wicked claws pierced the thin fabric of my shirt as it continued to hone, prompting Char to lighten her hold and mutter just loud enough for me to hear, “To be expected of the fool.”
“All I’m doing is finding out what Maric was up to,” I explained cheerfully, “We don’t need the ritual proper just for that.”
“This!” she screeched shrilly as her body rattled in anger, “This what I mean! You not think!”
“Char,” I said soothingly as I stroked her hard carapace’s chitin, “I need to do this, to know what he’s doing and plan accordingly.”
“Not this,” she said in agitation as her legs trembled, “What you need is patience.”
“True,” I acknowledged, drizzling the swelling fire with a generous coating of consecrated oils, “But what about when my uncle discovers my aptitude? What do you think he’ll do with the powerless freak then?”
I trailed off, letting her remember all the warnings she drilled into my head as I grew up under her guidance. Her eight-eyed gaze bored holes into my temple, but she caved just as I knew she eventually would.
She realized, just as I did, the danger Maric posed if he managed to amass further influence. She also knew, same as I, that it would mean grave consequences for my future. After all, once he had acquired the strength necessary to realize his treacherous ambitions, he would have no reason to keep up the charade of ‘caring’ for me.
“Tch,” Char chittered grumpily as she leapt from my leg and scuttled over to the smoldering acacia. The tips of her sharp claws creaked as they dug into exposed wood of the floor, leaving tiny imprints with each step.
Altered by a burst of Essentia, her fang grew to the size of my middle finger in an instant. Char slowly stretched the elongated pincer and produced a hazy ichor until it gathered in a large bead. The dark drop fell onto the charring wood, hissing quietly as Char’s bladed appendage began to shrink.
“There,” she said with a huff as she returned to her perch, caressing the throbbing fang gently with her forelimb, “You may continue.”
On her cue, the gentle orange of the flaming chalice slowly gave way to a violet hue. It darkened unnaturally as Char’s Essentia bonded with the flames, draining the light from the room as the hissing intensified.
“Here goes nothing,” I said as I yanked the cork from the flask, emptying its contents into the flaming chalice. The blackened goat blood dribbled out in coagulated chunks and sizzled as it landed in the searing container. The gooey liquid was immediately absorbed by the magical flames, tainting the rich purple with ribbons of ebony.
“You should still recite directly from the book,” Char reminded me, tapping my head with her sharp claw for emphasis.
“I told you,” I said as I began to release the mental safeguards that kept my power veiled. Unrestricted Essentia began to fill me, spreading a sense of calm throughout my body, “I got the gist of it. From here on, we do it my way.”
“Fool,” she muttered in exasperation, wagging her head back and forth.
“Engaging temporal mesh,” I declared with utmost confidence, grinning as the excitement of working magic overwhelmed the apprehension twisting my gut.
Without delay, the chalk outline began to glow as pure energy gathered around the perimeter of the circle. The radiant band crackled with raw power as it began to refine itself, forming into a metaphysical thread. The strands of multi-colored light weaved a tight pattern, slowly fading to a dull gold as they formed a skeletal dome of hardened Essentia over us.
My heart hammered in my chest as adrenaline leaked into my veins and Essentia thundered through my soul. My mouth was stretched in ecstasy as the blissful energy flowing through my body released incomprehensible pleasure. Pausing, I gave my body a chance to acclimate to the sudden influx before opening the floodgates any further.
It also gave my nitpicky mentor a moment to assess my work before I continued
Char reared back until her eyes were a hairsbreadth away from the golden lattice, examining the structure for even the smallest of imperfections. Her fangs twitched idly as she reached out her claw and strummed one of the luminescent threads. Stretching until it was taught, the thread twanged as she released her practiced grip. The manifested energy slammed back into place, releasing a ripple of white light that raced across the web. It expanded rapidly as it spread, vanishing as its boundaries collided with each other.
“Not terrible,” she relented as she studied the intricate loops and twists, “You’ve learned the pattern well enough, but your thread is lacking.”
“How so?” I questioned her criticism, unable to hide my disappointed frown. Twisting my head, I struggled to find the imperfections that Char had noticed. The only thing I noticed was the room outside of my barrier quaking, flickering unnervingly as the artificial chronology I was imposing began to settle.
“Don’t be so petulant,” Char chided as she indicated a particular strand, “Look here, the edges are fuzzy and undefined.”
“But they should be smooth and fully rendered,” I finished her assessment for her, disappointed in myself for making such a rookie mistake. I took in a slow breath to calm my racing heart and prepared myself to sharpen the mesh’s quality.
“Precisely,” she murmured with a hint of pride, pleased with my progress regardless of careless flaws, “Good start, now fix it and continue.”
I closed my eyes and focused on the energized framework that separated me from standard reality. I adjusted the torrent of energy that flowed from my core, tweaking it like you would tune an old television. I could feel the dome shrink ever so slightly, a side effect of the golden strands sharpening under my influence. The strings tightened as I refined their presence in the world, releasing a low thrum as the mesh began to function optimally.
“Preparing spatial overlay,” I solemnly whispered, captivated by the task at hand. A bubble of liquified Essentia gathered at the top of the dome, resembling a small bead of dark mercury. Trembling as the strain of manifesting it grew, the dense energy began to rapidly swell in size.
“That’s enough,” Char said abruptly, tugging on my earlobe to make sure her advice was heard, “Now concentrate on the Essentia’s quality.”
Opening my eyes, I saw that it had expanded until it was inches from my face. I quickly reduced the flow of fresh Essentia, reducing the river to a mere trickle. Looking into the obscure mass, I watched its color slowly revitalize as I extracted all impurities. A noxious odor filled the chamber as the creation hissed and released a hazy vapor that stung my eyes. But I pushed on and ignored the discomfort, injecting fresh Essentia to fill the pitted formations left behind after the cleansing.
Now free of all negative influences, the manifestation took on a mirrored sheen that reflected my delighted grin.
“Excellent clarity,” Char purred in satisfaction, thankfully finding no flaws in my craftsmanship, “Now release it.”
I dropped my hold on the difficult to maintain mass before the words even left her mouth, sighing in relief as the pressure mounting in my head eased. Rolling my neck to work out a new kink, I watched the smooth liquid vibrate as the force holding it vanished. Rather than burst like a bubble, its peak began to shrink as the edges crawled down the dome’s walls.
The spatial overlay coated the glowing strands like an ethereal lacquer as it stubbornly clung to the webbing. Its steady flow continued until all mesh’s gaps had been patched, leaving behind a glassy layer of foggy Essentia. I stared at the gleaming surface, admiring its flawless finish as I steeled myself for the next.
“Last chance to turn back,” Char offered kindly, sensing my trepidation, “We’ll be sealed until your business is concluded if you go any further.”
“There’s no need for a path back,” I whispered as I gathered my nerves, “When one locks their gaze firmly on the future.”
Without awaiting Char’s approval, I narrowed my gaze and tore at the shackles that held my spirit captive. I clawed at their chains, rebelling against their grasp as I embraced the full potential of my lifeforce. My teeth gritted in agony as the false walls imprisoning me crumbled away, allowing my soul to flourish for the first time since I summoned Char.
The rush of euphoria returned tenfold as thin streams of electricity burst forth, colliding with the glossy wall. Pale white tendrils snaked across its conductive surface, arcing with a burst of energy each time they overlapped. The small strikes of lightning were drawn towards the only metal in the chamber, the gleaming chalice filled with abyssal flames.
I traced the snaking energy with my eyes and found myself gazing into the heart of the vessel, shouting defiantly as I flooded my simple words with the boundless strength of Essentia.
“I demand an audience with Lord Azadeus, Collector of Wagers. Part now, veils that bind us, and let my call be heard!”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hello, CodyKnight. I am here to provide you a review in honor of Review Day. Let’s get started, shall we?
Fair warning. I did not read the first part of this chapter, so this review will be about this part of the chapter alone. I will not go over grammar unless it has been occuring throughout your story. Here we go.
I. Characters
The main character has this calming aura around him. I love how he think before he acts. He sure knows how to calm Char down, which, from the description I just read about her in this chapter, that she is some kind of insect? A spider? That’s pretty intriguing. Based from what I just read, the main character summoned Char, right?
As for Char. She seems kind of short-tempered and let the anger get the best of her at times, but she does seem to know how to be reasonable.
Your characters are quite interesting, can’t wait to see their development in future chapters.
II. Tone and Pacing
The tone of the story was quite climatic at first, but now it’s more calm, which is right for this kind of scene, especially what had just happened in this chapter. I love the pacing of your story, it’s not rushed, and it seems we are getting ready to start the actual plot of the story, perhaps?
III. Conclusion
Overall, this was a great read. Magic and fantasy are great genres. Both my favorites. I do not know much of the plot since I didn’t read the first part of the chapter, but from reading this, I am quite interested. I will give your first chapter a read and review it for you, that way I can give you an opinion on the plot itself. I am sorry I was not able to provide much, since I do know much what is going on. Keep up the great work! Can’t wait to read the future chapters.
Keep writing!
- Kanome
I figured I read both parts before posting a review and I have to say I am not disappointed! Magic and fantasy hold a place in my heart and I love seeing other peoples' interpretations of them! I really like the dynamic between the Lead and Char (also, giant spider goddess? Nice.) I like how you used the mentor as a way to flesh out the rules as well. Your atmosphere building is good, as is your exposition and I greatly appreciate the detailed description of setting. Overall, I really like this, so keep up the good work!