Difters: Unbounded -Chapter One-

by xXGenesisXx

Published March 17, 2015

16+ Language Violence

In 1

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

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Everything was quiet.

The air was completely still. Not a single sound perturbed the silence that engulfed my entire being. Darkness coated the air I breathed, thick like tar; suffocating.

I couldn’t help but wonder if this was what death felt like. Then again, how was I to say I wasn’t already dead?

Numbness prickled uncomfortably at my body. With the slightest bit of encouragement, I tried to move my hand. However, no matter what I did, my body would not succumb to my urges.

Meanwhile, the darkness grew heavier, pressing against me with a downward force so strong, I was sure my body would break. The pressure forced the air from my lungs, and with it, my energy began to decline. I could feel it leaking through every pore, invading my body as an unwelcome guest.

Just as I was sure I was dead, my eyelids fluttered open.

Light flooded my vision, blinding after having lived in darkness for what felt like eternity. Though the light faded, my vision remained out of focus and a loud buzzing echoed in my ears, drowning out any and all thoughts that came to mind.

My arms and legs were constricted, rejecting my requests to move. I fought against it, trying to break free from whatever had held me prisoner to such hell for so long.

I took the opportunity to look and see where I had been imprisoned. Through my hampered sight, it seemed as though I was in a hospital. But why?

My pulse increased at such a rate, I was sure my heart could burst from my chest and flutter away to leave me in this bed. Ridiculous, I know. Anxiety flourished through me at my sudden realization that  I had no recollection of anything at all. Not even my name.

During my confusion, I hadn’t noticed someone had entered the room and began furiously working at the leather binds strapped around my body. Her frantic gestures gave me a sense of urgency I wasn’t aware I should have felt until now.

She was yelling, but no sound breached through the ceaseless ringing in my ears. No matter how hard I tried to respond, my lips were sealed shut. As much as I wanted to get up away from the flashing red light that eerily lit the room, it simply wasn’t possible.

Her face froze in a look of pain and something I couldn’t quite identify before her body slumped to the floor. Blood oozed out of two holes in the back of her chest, pooling onto the floor.

Despite the scene, I couldn’t help but notice the black mass looming in the doorway. The room began to feel dark, its presence permeating the air with a sickness fouler than anything I had felt before. My mind connected this dark, almost depressing presence to death itself, coming to take me away from this nightmare.

As my mind began to lose sight of consciousness, I noticed the feeling starting to ebb away, replaced by the vision of a stunning pair of blue eyes before they too, were swallowed in the dark.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
HenryVIII
Review
HenryVIII wrote a review Review · Mar 18, 2015

'Lo there.

Very nice prologue, but it might serve you better as a first chapter, especially since this seems to be information you could most likely easily include in your novel as you write.
Save the prologue for something that you can't include in the novel very easily.
That being said, I could be completely wrong.
Either way, the ending pulled me in and served its purpose as a cliffhanger.

You also have good descriptions the few times you include on. You could have more of those.

Write more.
~TheEighth

Thank you for the advice! I'll definitely think it over and see what I can do. Prologues do tend to be tricky things for me.
~Genesis~

bellathebookworm wrote a review Review · Mar 17, 2015

Hi Genesis! I love this prologue! Normally, when I read metaphors, I roll my eyes and sigh because of the cheesiness, but in this one I actually enjoyed them quite a bit. The writing was smooth and lovely, and you made the length just enough to intrigue me but not enough to wear me out.

The only edits I have are these:

Can sight be slurred? I have never heard that use of slurred before, so I don't think it can.

"It was the anxiety talking because I was suddenly aware I had no recollection of anything at all."

This sentence is a little bit rough. It interrupts the flow of the story and is confusing at first. Something more like "Anxiety surged within me as I realized I had no recollection of anything at all." seems to flow better to me.

The last two paragraphs are also choppy. Revising those would definitely help your story.

Those are just nitpicks, honestly. I hope you continue with this, because I would most definitely read the rest!

Thank you for your input, other people's opinions really help! I do agree with the last two paragraphs as I did rush a bit towards the end. I will definitely end up going back to work on it some more as it is only the beginning. Thanks again!~

User avatar
Bloodsrain
Review
Bloodsrain wrote a review Review · Mar 17, 2015

I enjoy the writing, the first person perspective in my opinion isn't used enough. A few suggestions though, the wording in a few sentences is a bit odd, but thats about it. The writing makes me curious as to what happens next, which is good for a prologue, so make sure to write more down as soon as possible! Keep up the good work I say, at least, the story seems interesting.

I know, I haven't written in first person in a while, so it feels a bit different as I've always preferred third person. Thank you for the feedback! It is much appreciated and I hope to upload the next chapters soon!



A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
— Unknown