The Captain's Prediction

This is lovely. I like how you started it with talking about the captain and ended it with that as well. I think it may get a little confusing in the in between, I would suggest just making it more clear by having more direction or complete whole thoughts. I can feel what you're trying to express and I can relate. On that note:


"There's been so much passion you can hardly call it the calm before the storm because its like bubbling magma beneath the surface of the earth before a volcano explodes and lava flows down."

Keep writing! I like ur style!

-Laci <3

Hi Claire,

I'm here as promised! Let's see what we've got here.

This was a nice piece of writing. You've got some good comparisons to what love is like in here, and that does well for the imagery. I do agree with Barefootrunner when she says this more so fits in the short story section rather than poetry. And because you've already been given good advice with all the grammatical parts to the piece, I'll try not to repeat and focus more on the story.

I understand how this whole love story began with the little joke the Captain played, and still does use. It was a nice little idea in there, but it was kind of only half done, not really focused on. You focused more on the love part of the story, so maybe you should make this longer and add more about the joke and the Captain in there? Or maybe you want to cut it out completely? Or just ignore what I'm saying It's just that it seemed like it didn't have enough focus, like it was quickly added, so it wasn't exactly necessary. My advice is to either add more about the Captain and kind of make it necessary, or just leave it out completely.

The describing of the love was pretty well done. We could really understand how the speaker was feeling from all the metaphors you gave us. It was interesting how she talked about her past boyfriends and how he had managed to make her opinions on them shift within a week. It really shows us how much she likes this guy, even if it has been just a week.

The story here is good Grammar is already covered so there isn't much more for me to talk about here. Nice title ^^ Keep writing!

Deanie x

Hi there I'm here for a quick review of your work.

Okay, so for spelling and grammar:
You're writing a deep sort of piece here, and you want your readers to take it slowly. What do you do? You add more commas into your sentences, that's what! There are some places in sentences where the rules of grammar can be bent slightly, for example here:

I love how proper you are and right now I know I could talk to you all day long without doing anything.

There's been so much passion you can hardly call it the calm before the storm because its like bubbling magma beneath the surface of the earth before a volcano explodes and lava flows down.

Hey, Claire!
Cookie here to do a review for you just like you requested! ^^

So, great story(or to you, a poem) here. Although, I am quite sure this will not come under Poetry because you're describing your love for someone. I enjoyed reading this, it had a lot description of love, but not character.

What I found out from here was that, you didn't describe the character of the guy, what made you like him. Because for a romantic story like this one, I think that's very much needed. And at some points, you were missing some punctuation. Grammar is a very important thing for whatever form the prose is.

But what I liked was that it was a Captain's prediction. That's kind of rare, he predicted and it came true. And the descriptive of love, those were wonderful. Like these:-

1. "Sometimes you should stop looking for love and just wait for it to find you and flash you a gorgeous smile that sends sultry sparks flying all over."

2. "There's been so much passion you can hardly call it the calm before the storm because its like bubbling magma beneath the surface of the earth before a volcano explodes and lava flows down."

3. "We watched each other from a distance actually we just checked each other out. I do wish I could shout from the roof tops and make all those girls that like you green with envy but instead I must keep it locked up with only a pout on my lips."

All these give a very positive image, almost like you're saying that love will get to you which I think you've a done good job at. Looking at my situation, I have full faith that I will get to see the guy I like even if there are a lot of complications. And comparing from all those three, I can say, it gives you that good look to love.

Here:-
"You are so elegant and graceful it blows my mind."

Elegant and graceful for a guy? Now, that's something unusual because usually, those words are used for a girl/princess/queen. When you picture that with a guy, its a funny image and its not very pleasing. I think you should change that.

The ending:-
"So last week a certain Captain predicted something that came true. Call it intuition or fate, but it doesn't matter because now I got you."

This was too quick. How did you know the Captain? Who was he to you? None of this was explained so, it was quite troubling. Next time, try to weave in all those small details.

Spelling:-
"He sorta instigated it all. Now I'm about to free fall and I hope you'll be there to catch me."

It is sort of, not sorta. Just a tiny error.

All in all, it was pretty good. Sort of like a diary entry. I enjoyed it. You can write really well and I encourage to write more. Do inform me if you want another review!

Keep Writing! ~

Cheers,
ChocoCookie