Do you remember?
Matching pajamas
Matching beds
Matching lives
Fighting over who was born first
The old swing set
Broken wrist
Dinner table food fights
Sneaking sodas into our rooms
In-school suspension
Talking about what girls we liked
Rock paper scissors over who gets to take Jennifer Williams to prom
Groaning about exams
Talking over a drink
Getting the families to meet
Watching our kids play together
Discussing God, mindless sports, how fast life went
Do you remember? Oh, do you remember?
I’ll miss you, brother
And yes, I remember
I remember it all
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140,237 Literary Works • 673,049 Reviews
Really nostalgic poem!
About family time, you know. I also started thinking about all the fun I had had with older siblings! Anyway, nice work! I like the form of writing you've used, with short lines, and somehow breaking it into stanzas doesn't seem necessary. The ending is so........nostalgic and good!
Keep it up.
As a fan of Anne Bradstreet and John Berryman, I really love elegiac poems. The intimate, conversational tone appeals to me, as I feel it reveals a more general observation within a specific one.
Your poem speaks to the human condition, victimized by time, which ultimately ends relationships and memories; it is tragic, in my mind at least, but inevitable. Your narrator deals with ephemerality in the only way he/she can, by remembering, and mythologizing, the past.
In essence, you deal with both the specific tragedy of a fading relationship, and the effect of time upon all of humanity, which is quite an accomplishment for someone so young. Speaking of your youth, I have to admit that I was a little disappointed when I saw that you were thirteen, and were writing this from the observation of others. However, when I thought about this I realized that is even more impressive than if you had experienced it. You write what you do not know convincingly, an extremely difficult task to accomplish. You also have successfully taken ideas outside of your realm of experience, and have interpreted them rather beautifully.
Your poem is one of the best I have read on this site. Wonderfully done, ChocolateLlama.
Thanks a lot for that. That really means a lot. I didn't really think much of it when I wrote it, but I do kind of know what this feels like. On the same subject as "When A Loved One Passes", my grandmother and I shared a lot of memories that I looked back on when she passed. Add that to what Hollywood has taught me, and just speculation of others experiences, and it turned into what it was.
Thanks a lot for the reviews and corrections, everyone! Like I said in reply to a comment by Roundsquare below, I only know what I'm talking about because of family members talking about it and movies. I really appreciate all of the help I'm getting. Now, I hate to advertise, but my first piece, When A Loved One Passes, was sort of flop. If anyone would like to just check it out, you don't have to review or comment if you don't want to, just some views would be great. Thanks again!
Aww sweet! My immediate question though is, is this fiction or faction? And secondly if it is faction, how old is the author? If I may be so bold to ask, since the author seems to have already lived out a full life going by this piece.
Now, as I said above this is very sweet, I enjoyed reading it, but by the end of it, it sounded a little like a eulogy, not sure if that's what you were going for.
Now some corrections:
"The old swingset"
I think swing set is two words.
Other than that saw no other spelling error, or mistake.
Hey, uh, author here. THis may come as a shock, but I'm only thirteen. Surprising, huh? Trust me, the only reason I feel like I know what I'm talking about is from movies and parents, cousins, etc talking about this kind of thing at funerals. But thanks for the correction on swing set! The Google Docs auto-correct didn't change it, so I left it alone.
Hey Tiny here!
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I really like this! It's simple and to the point without being boring, and trust me, that's hard to do. This is super cute and reminded me of my own twin sister and how we used to do stuff like this
Oh no, it's review time.
In-school suspension, kinda the same word but not really.
Also be consistent with the punctuation. Either use it everywhere or not at all. It's a kinda all in or not at all thing.
Other than those two things you're off the hook.
Great work dude!!
Keep writing
This is deeper than you first think when you begin reading it. I really like that you repeated the first lines in the end as well. It rounded out the poem nicely. Also, the emotion the poem evokes is really quite sad, but I believe you wrote it that way on purpose. Overall I loved it, I would only change one thing. I would try to make it a little less like a list, and more like a poem, but you may have meant it like that. Every writer is different! Overall I would recommend this poem to anyone who likes emotional and heartfelt poems.