z

Young Writers Society


16+

Socrates the Madman - Chapter Two

by Chaser


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Professor Socrates stepped out of his dark room into the rest of his house. It wasn't so much of a house as a ramshackle shed, but he kept it well enough. A dim lamp cast feeble flames on his couch and fridge, broken down and beyond saving. Stacks of paper were lined up neatly on the shelves, each one containing calculations complex enough to befuddle any sane human. 

Of course, Socrates was no such man. He went to his wall, observing the giant cork-board he had attached, hanging sideways at an infuriating angle. A criss-cross of lines and maps were the main decor, furnished by the occasional newspaper article.

Socrates smirked. Even in these times, the sad remnants of the old society would try to limp on until death. One such paper article showcased a mayhem of rubble in a shoddy photograph. Iron skeletons of buildings had been cast aside and twisted beyond repair, while the streets were littered with the debris of obliterated lives. Chicago in Ruins, the heading read.

Socrates blew out a puff of smoke, examining the article next to it. Moscow in Flames. He sighed outwardly. Perhaps reflecting on what had already come to pass was foolhardy. Then again, those who did not learn of history were doomed to repeat it. As were those who had studied it.

He chuckled softly to himself, pulling out his cigarette and scrutinizing a map that he had put up of the United States. A silver tack had placed a trail of red yarn in its wake, forming a line that tattooed the map. And currently, the pin was at-

"Vegas," Socrates mused. "Las Vegas, Nevada." A half-smile touched his face. "Never assumed you were the gambling type, Silverdeath. I guess we really have grown up." Stamping out the butt of his cigarette against the map, he turned back towards the computer room, his lab coat swishing out around him. "See you soon, buddy."

---------------------------------

The cold splendor of night gripped him with shivers. His breath was all the more visible now. Socrates shuddered, pulling his lab coat tighter around him. A thick scarf was all that adorned his neck, while a self-made hat squatted atop his golden hair. Still, winter in the City was living hell.

The streetlights were few and far between, flickering upon the destitute snowbound streets. Snow danced down from the sky, an unwelcome guest who's wretched kiss burned on his face. He still had a long way to go to reach Vegas.

In his hand he carried a briefcase. A simple, unassuming briefcase, typical of the homeless. He patted it to reassure himself.

A piercing cry rang out through the night. "Damn you! You Soviet bastards! Damn you all!" Ragged with grief, the voice carried on the wind, brought to the ears of all. But nobody listened.

Socrates laughed inwardly. The world's pattern never changed. Nobody had the time to care about one man. There were thousands just like him.

Turning his head down the street, he saw the owner of the voice, a man hunched over the corpse of another, sobbing in haphazard rhythm. The corpse was a woman, lifeless and blue-faced, resigned to an eternal slumber. Taken by the cold.

And the man still saw fit to blame the Soviets. The Soviet Union had dissolved long ago, due to most of its members being, well, dead. Socrates averted his gaze and continued down the sidewalk. 

The cold nipped at his heels like a starving pup. He turned silently, plodding across the street through the snow.

Cuba. That's where this had begun. Nuclear missiles poised to wreak damnation upon every American citizen who dared defy communism. Within minutes, the U.S.A. would've been dust on the wind.

He blew out air from his cheeks, watching the cloud vanish. It was impossible now, to tell who was truly responsible for what had happened. But history would remember that America struck first. 

Saint Petersburg. Kablooie. Socrates kicked a drift of snow into the air, watching it break into dust and blow away. Prime real estate efficiently transmuted to scraps of flesh and gravel. Russia was quick to reply.

Perhaps mankind had grown too reliant on power. Socrates stepped onto the curb, continuing his route. They had spent decades amassing an army of nuclear demons, ready to unleash hell upon Earth. And they did so with blind gusto. Sides were taken. They had to be. In the end, the world simply collapsed in on itself.

But then again, perhaps it was a good thing, in a way. It was through this necessity that Project Alchemy had come to rise. And now they were on the verge of immortality, immunity, and the end of world hunger. Socrates half-smiled. A blessing shall rise from the carcass of failure, he thought to himself.

He stopped, looking up at the sign that loomed above him. Crude and misshapen, it was barely visible in the indigo night. The Devil's Express, it read. Morbid, yet accurate. As were most things these days.

He cast a tired gaze to his surroundings. An old train platform, with decrepit tracks incarcerating the land for miles in either direction, cast in shadow by the indigo night. An icy breeze skulked past, accentuating the nothings and no-ones that accompanied him. It wasn't that nobody wished to travel; rather, few could afford the fare, and the people who planned to hijack the train tonight wished discretion, which was understandable.

A train whistle pierced the night. He could practically hear the vagrants beneath the platform tensing in anticipation. 

All at once, a single crimson light washed through the station, painting everything velvet red. A rickety, dilapidated train clattered in with a wheeze, its head mounted almost jokingly with a sculpture of a demon. Socrates sighed. The Devil's Express. It wasn't much; but then again, nothing was.

The door slid open, letting the light from within spill onto the platform. Socrates shivered, bathed in the unsettling hue. He stepped on slowly, allowing the concealed vagabonds a bit of time to board.

As he entered the driver's car, the driver turned his head to face him. "Got the fare, sir?" The "sir" was a bit put-off by the presence of a scowling face, a monstrous cigar, and a shotgun in his left hand. Still, the courtesy was appreciated.

Socrates said nothing, reaching in his pocket. He pulled out a small card, displaying it to the conductor, who scratched his head uncouthly.

"Special ID? Well, that's no good. Whatever. I hope that my services satisfy you, Mister-" he referred to the card, squinting a bit. "Midas? Mr. Midas."

Without saying a word, Socrates slid the door open and entered the passenger car. The carriage was completely empty. It really was a luxury for the rich. What was left of its seats were falling apart, and there was some manner of strange liquid pooled in the corner. Its rank stench betrayed its identity. A rat the size of a football skittered across the floorboards before vanishing into the thin walls. It really was a luxury for the rich.

Taking the seat that looked least liable to spontaneous combustion, Socrates sat down as the Devil's Express rumbled to life, and the City peeled away outside the window, the landscape of the night speeding up into a violet blur. "I'll see you soon," he whispered. "Silverdeath."


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265 Reviews


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Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:36 pm
myjaspercat wrote a review...



Hello again Chaser,
Myjaspercat here for another review...

like I said in chapter 1 I want to go through from the beginning so I get the full story. Now I am on with chapter 2....

It wasn't so much of a house as a ramshackle shed, but he kept it well enough.
---Ok, so does your reader really need to know this information. Right now it just seems like you put it in to fill space.

Stacks of paper were lined up neatly on the shelves, each one containing calculations complex enough to befuddle any sane human.
---ok, so the main concern for this sentence is the word befuddle, it seems weird odd and just not right with the rest of the language of the story.

...Even in these times, the sad remnants of the old society would try to limp on until death. One such paper article showcased a mayhem of rubble in a shoddy photograph. Iron skeletons of buildings had been cast aside and twisted beyond repair, while the streets were littered with the debris of obliterated lives. Chicago in Ruins, the heading read.
---Ok, I really like this for some reason. The idea of our world kind of going to shreds is just, well, intriguing. Though I would like to know a little more about what happened. What made Chicago go into ruins? So, that being said, one suggestion would to add some sort of flashback, give your reader a little more understanding. Another suggestions would to simply just explain further from here. Give your readers more, elaborate.

And currently, the pin was at-
"Vegas," Socrates mused. "Las Vegas, Nevada."
---The transitions between these two paragraphs strikes me as odd. I would suggest that you work on that a little.

...snowbound streets. Snow danced down from the sky...
---even though it is not the same word I still think that using 'snow' after' snowbound' just drags down your writing and makes it clunky.

Alright so like with your last chapter, the description is either there or not there, and that leaves your reader in times board or buckled down. Stay consistent.

Second, you had a few grammatical errors through out this piece. My suggestion to you would to reread through and find them yourself, it'll help give you a little eye for detail. (Also not trying to sound rude, if you need I know some one below has already pointed out a few.)

My next thing is that your story seems to transition very fast, you don't really take time to dwell ideas. That leaves your reader wanting more and not in a good way. Since you are writing a novel and not a short, don't be afraid to drag some things out a little; maybe pieces, like the whole Chicago thing, that could potentially add something later on to the background or the future plot. Someone once told me to just write and don't stop; don't think about what you are writing, just let the ideas out. You always have time to go back later and revise but if you sit down and just write you can get more out then you thought(and a lot of times it is still good). Like I always say, give your reader more.

That's all for this chapter, have any questions feel free to ask. Good luck and continue writing. ---Myjaspercat.
--------------------------
"Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words." Mark Twain.




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107 Reviews


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Sun May 31, 2015 5:33 pm
ChiravianSkies wrote a review...



Hey! It's the Chirave Canicthus here for a review! Once this little cue of reviews I've got up is done, I think I'll be done reviewing for the day. Well, maybe for an hour. XD

So, anyways, I really liked this. I thought you were talking about the actual Socrates, even if I'm too stupid to look at ratings and genre, :D.

I never expected a dystopia/post-apocalyptic society, if I can call it that. I like how you've sprinkled information about your world slowly but surely through this chapter, leaving us to read more because we actually want to read through every single detail, seeing what the view of this "Madman" tell us about this new society. (Is it really a dystopia? I just might be seeing this wrong.)

Socrates really didn't seem like a madman. He seems out to kill a man named.. Silverdeath? Who names these people in this new place? Is Silver a man from another country, and not a destroyed one? Well, on Socrates, he reminds me of a mix between my characters Fleck and Archer, almost. Except... yeah, they're slowly going mad too. You've already got Socrates there. Well, never mind what I was saying earlier.

Sorry about all my questions. This work is just so new and original. I never epected to see a lot of Greek names hanging around too. Midas was the one that really caught me on to it.

So, great story. I really like it, and would love if you could notify me when you post new chapters!
Keep Writing!
*The Chiravian flies away*




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Sat May 23, 2015 4:47 am
Shady wrote a review...



Yo Chaser,

Shady here for a review! I haven't read chapter one of this story, but I'm just going to jump into the action here. Your title intrigued me. ;)

A dim lamp cast feeble flames on his couch and fridge, broken down and beyond saving.
~ Pretty sure casting flames on his couch would cause it to go ablaze, which doesn't seem to be what you're going for here. Maybe rephrase? :)

calculations complex enough to befuddle any sane human.
~ Wasn't Socrates more interested in ethics and pedagogy (the method of teaching)? Socratic method of questioning and all that? I don't think he was well known for calculations. Of course there is some level of creative license, since I see you're writing a scifi (<3), but I thought I'd point that out.

He sighed outwardly.
~ As opposed to sighing...inwardly?

forming a line that tattooed the map.
~ I really love your imagery here. Well done.

Socrates shuddered, pulling his lab coat tighter around him.
~ I also like this sentence. As an aspiring scientist I find great comfort in my lab coat. I'm glad to see someone who also values the security of his lab coat being shown in a piece of writing (although, I admit, a lab coat is a poor choice if you're looking for warmth).

Still, winter in the City was living hell.
~ But... it's cold.

an unwelcome guest who's wretched kiss burned on his face.
~ who's = "who is" you mean "whose"

The cold nipped at his heels like a starving pup.
~ <3

~

Okay! All in all I like your story. If it weren't so late (it's nearing 1 AM my time) I would go back right now and read your first chapter. I really like the imagery you use and your word choices are very nice, they elicit very vivid mental images. Kudos. I also like your subtle references. They show an author that is well versed, and cause fairly well-read readers to be on the look out for more references incorporated into your piece (speaking of which, I can't help but wonder if his last name being Midas is going to be significant later on... Midas' touch and all that... ooo, exciting).

So, please don't be discouraged if my review seems a bit harsh. I'm told that apparently I'm really cold when I don't mean to be-- I'm just trying to be straightforward. I really did like your story, and would be interested in reading more of it whenever you post it.

Keep writing!

~Shady 8)




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415 Reviews


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Mon May 11, 2015 10:02 pm
Eros says...



Good job Chaser!i liked it.i am excited for next part.pls write soon.





Oh, I'm sorry. My friends are in the popcorn and I have to save them.
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