Trio - Chapter 1

“It’s a well-known fact, Echan, that you can’t out-drink me.” Caiden raised his mug to his lips and took another swig of the hard ale. He glanced at his friend, Echan Orrick, who was sitting across the table from him. He ran his hand through his black hair and twirled the short strands around his finger.

“Just because I don’t like the taste as much as you do doesn’t mean I can’t hold my brew better than you can.” Echan sat with his forearms resting on the table, watching his friend down the rest of his drink.

“Oh, I seriously doubt that. Very seriously, more serious than…er, your face right now.” Caiden blinked, wondering how exactly that was supposed to be funny. Even he sometimes had a hard time understanding what he said. He grinned at the fair-haired knight from across the table. “Come on you old horse, down the hatch!” Caiden tossed a corked bottle to Echan, who caught it in his left hand.

“You should know by now that I don’t consider being called a “horse” a horrible insult.” Echan uncorked the bottle and poured some into a tankard.

“Don’t give me that horsey lecture again. You sound like a thirteen-year-old girl when you do that.” With a grin, Caiden watched Echan take a drink. “See, it ain’t bad.”

“I know it “ain’t bad”, I like the stuff. But unlike you, Caiden, I can control myself.” Echan turned his blue eyes back to his mug and watched the contents swirl around inside. “You’re drunk.”

Ignoring the accusation, which may or may not have been accurate, Caiden shrugged and changed the subject. “Drustan should be here by now. He said he’d join us to have a talk about going after that Redclide fellow.” He muttered, idly spinning a coin on the table with his fingers.

“It’s ‘Radcliffe’. And Drustan will be here, he’s just been tied up lately with the young prince and princess.”

Caiden snorted. “And quite literally with his queen. Lunette is a woman to be reckoned with, don’t you think?” Without a pause Caiden sipped his ale again. “Reckoned with indeed, the poor fellow can’t quite handle her.” He shrugged.

Echan felt the color rising in his face. “Don’t you think that’s a little disrespectful, Caiden? Just a little bit?” He said, sounding irritated.

“Echan, I don’t care, I’m drunk!” Caiden laughed. “You should hear some of the things the castle guards talk about, that’s even more “disrespectful” than anything I just said.”

“I don’t want to hear it.” Echan groaned. “You’re just full of nonsense tonight, aren’t you?”

Caiden’s face went serious and he looked Echan straight in his eyes, leaning across the table closer to Echan as he did so. “Echan…I’m never full of nonsense. I can’t get enough of it.” He then broke into laughter again.

Echan sighed and put his head in his hands. “That my friend, was a miserable, terrible, not even funny joke.”

Puns,Echan. That’s what they are.” Raising his eyebrows in a knowing manner, Caiden smirked and watched Echan from over the top of his mug.

Shaking his head hopelessly, Echan set down his own mug. “You know, when you’re not intoxicated, you’re a lot more fun. You don’t act like a total fool then.”

Seeming to ignore him, Caiden toyed with the coin again, nearly spinning it onto the floor several times. Finally the coin rolled onto the floor and as Caiden leaned down to pick it up, the doors to the hall opened. In walked Drustan, looking tired and edgy.

“Sire.” Echan stood to his feet as Drustan entered, and Caiden scrambled to do the same. Drustan waved for them to sit down.

“Sorry I’m late…the children are a bit of a handful and their regular nurse is off for the evening.” He groaned. “Really it’s just Tristen being the problem. They say five is that age. Getting into everything, endless energy…children are exhausting.”

Caiden glanced over at Echan and winked, a broad grin spread across his face. Echan returned it with a glare.

“Well. Let’s talk about this mission.” Drustan sat at the head of the table with Echan and Caiden on either side. Caiden looked like he was about to explode into laughter, about what, nobody knew. He reached for another bottle, but Drustan picked it up before he could get his hands on it.

“I don’t think so.” Drustan chuckled and set the bottle on the other side of the table, out of Caiden’s reach. The knight sighed and tapped sadly on his empty mug.

“We’ve got a good idea of where he’s hiding out.” Echan unfolded a map that had been resting in the chair beside him. “Here, the shale cliffs. Near Brownsdale. That’s not within our borders, but this could solve the problem.” Echan handed a folded and sealed piece of paper to the king. “This is the response to your letter to Lord Eoghan if he would give us permission to bring in an armed force and hunt down Radcliffe in his lands.

Caiden grunted and muttered under his breath. “Because he’s too fat and lazy to do it himself…bet he wants us to pay him for doing him the favor of capturing this bandit.”

Drustan opened the paper and read it. For a moment there was silence in the room.

“He says he’d be glad to let us into his lands to track down Radcliffe. However…”

“Called it.” Caiden whispered. Echan heard him but pretended not to.

“…he wants us to pay a fee for bringing a fighting party within his borders.” Drustan set the paper on the table. “In his position, he really doesn’t have the means to back up and agreement like this. What’s to stop me from marching in there with my army and deciding not to pay his little fee?” Frustratedly, Drustan drummed his fingers on the table. “His army is hardly worthy of being called one.”

“So, you’re not going to pay him, Sire?” Caiden asked curiously, stroking the soft fuzz of a beard on his chin that he had been struggling to grow out.

Drustan growled. “Of course I’ll pay him. If he’ll leave us alone after that, I’d gladly give him double what he asked.”

Caiden looked a little disappointed as the possibility of teaching Lord Eoghan a lesson slipped away. Echan still looked stoic, his expression hadn’t changed since he handed Drustan the letter.

“There is a problem, Sire.” Echan spoke up. “We think he’s hiding somewhere in the cliffs and caves, but we’re not sure. And even if we were, we’d have no way of knowing exactly where. There’s a reason we haven’t caught this man before, he’s smart.”

“I’ve taken care of that. We’ve got a guide to lead us. She knows the area and is a bitter enemy of Radcliffe.” Drustan looked at the two knights at the table. “She’s just arrived here.”

“She?” Caiden asked.

“Who?” Echan chimed in.

“Ulric, come in here.” Drustan called, and the doors opened. In walked a short woman in a long cloak. Her hair was long but held back tightly in a braid behind her shoulders. Her skin was swarthy and her eyes dark, and she was grinning wolfishly.

“Evening, Majesty.” The woman bowed then walked forward.

Caiden cast a confused look at Drustan and thumbed in the woman’s direction. “Her?”

Echan looked even more shocked than Caiden, for before them, he recognized the woman as Salacia Ulric. And he’d hoped he wouldn’t have to deal with her again.

Salacia looked at Echan and raised one eyebrow in recognition, still grinning. “It’s been a while, Echan.”

Comments & reviews · 2
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Hey! I'm just gonna jump right in.
I like the way you structured the chapter. The first line is quite good and very intriguing. Overall, I think your story is great. But there are some problems, of course.

First off, I noticed you have some borderline punctuation problems scattered here and there. They can be a bit of a problem when there are enough of them. They're mostly just little things like commas. There are a lot of commas in this chapter that either don't belong in their places or could be better as periods. Sometimes there are commas missing too. It can be hard to think about flow when you're busy thinking about plot, setting, conflict, dialogue and everything else, but when you revise, you might want to take some time to read through everything and determine if a sentence would sound better without that comma, or with a period instead.

Another thing I noticed is your attempt at creativity in dialogue tags. Some of them fit very well, but others could be simplified and sound even better. For example, I really liked:
Caiden grunted and muttered under his breath. “Because he’s too fat and lazy to do it himself…bet he wants us to pay him for doing him the favor of capturing this bandit.”
but this:
Caiden’s face went serious and he looked Orrick straight in his eyes, leaning across the table closer to Orrick as he did so. “Echan…I’m never full of nonsense. I can’t get enough of it.” He then broke into laughter again.
could be improved. You could just say something more like "Caiden leaned in and looked his friend in the eye. "Echan. I'm never full of nonsense. I can't get enough of it." He broke into laughter again."
Simplicity can be good sometimes. I also feel like the word serious was used too much in that area. By this paragraph it had become repetitive and a little dull.

I really love your storyline and I look forward to watching it unfold. What's up with this mysterious stranger, Salacia? How is she connected to Echan?

User avatar
Taleof6kids
Review

Hi Chie! This is very good! I really enjoyed the dialogue and how it built the characters and gave me a better insight on each one. And the end of this chapter was just great! I'm anxious to learn more about Salacia and her past with Echan! Very well done.

I do have a couple nit-picky grammatical issues. The first is when you wrote:
Frustratedly, Drustan drummed his fingers on the table. Since you are describing Drustan and not the drumming of his fingers, this should be "Frustrated, Drustan..." I'm not even sure frustratedly is a word. :)

The other is when you wrote: There’s a reason we haven’t caught this man before, he’s smart.” I think it would be more effective if you placed a semi colon where the comma is. These are two independent clauses, and they need to be separated with either a comma and a conjunction, semi colon (which I think would be best here), or subjunctive coordinate with semicolon and comma, like: ";however, ..." or ";consequently, ..."

Other than those minor things, this is excellently written! Keep up the great work! I can't wait to read more!



For in everything it is no easy task to find the middle ... anyone can get angry—that is easy—or give or spend money; but to do this to the right person, to the right extent, at the right time, with the right motive, and in the right way, that is not for everyone, nor is it easy; wherefore goodness is both rare and laudable and noble.
— Aristotle