Young Writers Society

Hi there.

To be honest, it was hard going with the reading. All the unnecessary all cap letters and using one too many exclamation points made the atmosphere you tried to create fall on death’s ears. I suggest rewrite the story with less relying on all cap words to lazily create tension. If the characters are developed well, there should not be a need to reply on all capital letters.

Also, every time a new person speaks, it requires a new line, as in, a new paragraph. Everything looks so jumbled with multiple people talking in the same one.

At least you were able to get your thoughts down! Always a good start.

Hi there! First of all, thank you for sharing your writing with us and especially when is based on true events such deep as these. Although it is sad to read an awful dialogue knowing that it actually happened, it is great to know that there people who don't stigmatize autistic people and are willing to write about them with the purpose of increasing other people' awareness. Thank you for that.

As for the way you wrote the story, I like the honesty and simplicity of the way it is written. I would probably you less capitalized sentences but this is a matter of taste.

Keep writing!

The fact that this is a true story boggles my mind. Some people choose to be ignorant about things they don't want to understand. Poor Brent
I had a few classmates last year with autism and some things people would say just to get them to freak out is crazy. I don't know much about autism but, I know it's not an easy thing for a person to live with.

Golly, Incoming review.

As a person with ASD this hits hard. I feel for Brent in this re-telling of events. In most cases people are sensory sensitive so I bet with this guy yelling practically 3 feet away would have bothered him a lot. And that man, making a fuss over bread, and calling someone with autism dumb just makes my blood boil. Something really needs to be done about the misinformation on autism. All those assumptions can be really damaging. And you know what they say about assuming, they make something out of you and me.

If I were to critique anything maybe it would be on the formatting. When someone is done talking and the complimentary sentence after is directed at another character, typically you would make a new line as to not confuse the reader. I think another thing you forgot is capitalization. At the beginning of some sentences you forgot to capitalize. Also a quick tip for when you want to start dialogue in the middle of a sentence is, "Comma, Quote, Capital." See how I first put a comma before starting the quote? That would be proper formatting. Just one more thing I would comment on is your "overuse" I guess of capitalization. I think it comes off a bit harsh on the reader and makes the writing a bit too two-toned. Maybe you could spice it up with bold in different places or even italics. that's just my personal opinion.

But I have a soft spot for pieces about autism and you did such a good job writing this and in the situation. Good on you for standing your ground and not letting anything happen to Brent even though verbal harassment was going on. Keep on writing. Anyway byeeeeeeeee!

Good Evening! Or whatever time it is in your part of the world. Anyways, Hannah here for a quick review!
Grows:
It seems like the man was a little too frustrated with Brent than most people. You don't have to change that, and since that is based on true events don't worry about it. Just an observation.
It seems like you used capital letters a lot on this. It isn't a bad thing, it just seems a bit much.
Also, there was a lot of bad words, which isn't the best, but if it is your style of writing then whatever.
"I walk down the street. I'm babysitting a boy one year older than me, that's funny isn't it."
These two sentences seemed just off. Maybe write it more like this:
"Me and Brent walk down the street. I am babysitting him, but he is a year older than me. That is funny, isn't it?"
Also, the dialogue shouldn't be mixed in with everything else, and there are punctuation and capitalization mistakes. Here is an example of what it should look like:
" 'What seems to be the problem?' he asks.
'Can we move to a new table? I... don't like the view.'
I point to the window but say it loudly enough so the man knows what I'm actually referring to.
'Of course sir' he says as he leads me and Brent away."

Glows:
This was a really good short story! It is the sad truth, autistic people are treated with disrespect often. This was a really good way of showing that!

I hope that you have a good review day, that you have a good Valentines day, that you keep writing and that you are enjoying 2021!


Hannah

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this is an interesting story...I can relate to this personally too having an autistic friend and this stuff does sadly occur in real life...well let me get down to it anyway. At first glance, it seems pretty well written.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I walk down the street. I'm babysitting a boy one year older than me, that's funny isn't it. We walk into the restaurant, Pierre's Italian Cuisine. "Table for two please" I say to the waiter. "Of course, right this way sir." He leads us to a table and we sit down. I read the menu, trying to decide what's best for Brent. I order a plate of spaghetti for Brent and some pizza for myself. I hold Brent's hand to make sure he doesn't run off. Suddenly Brent wrenches his hand from my grasp and runs towards a table "BRENT NO" I shout. He grabs a loaf of bread off of someone else's table and bites it. The man at the table scowls at him "HEY! THAT'S MY SON'S" he shouts angrily. I rush over "I am so sorry sir" I apologize. "Come on Brent let's get you back to the table." The man stands up. Oh no, usually people understand and forgive us, this guy, he doesn't look so nice. I turn around to face him.

"YOU NEED TO TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOUR BROTHER" the man roars. "He's not my bro-"

"I DON'T CARE" he yells. Everyone in the restaurant is looking at us. Why aren't the waiters doing anything? "APOLOGIZE" he yells. "I already did sir" I say. "I WANT HIM TO APOLOGIZE" he points to Brent. "Sir I'm afraid he can't" I say apologetically. He scowls "WHAT IS HE DUMB OR SOMETHING WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF HE IS!"

"He's not dumb sir" I respond trying to stay calm "he's autistic" I explain. "So he's dumb than" he frowns. "No...autistic."

"DUMB AND AUTISTIC ARE THE SAME FUCKING THING!!! WHY ISN'T THAT BITCH IN A MENTAL ASSYLUM!!!" I feel anger rise in my chest. "Because he doesn't belong in one" I want to punch the guy in the face. Stupid asshole. "HE TOUHED AND BIT MY SON'S FOOD" he tries to shove past me. "Sir it's not his fault, like I told you he's autistic, he does stuff like that sometimes."

"I DON'T CARE, HE CAN HAVE ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION FOR ALL I CARE...HE SHOULDN'T HAVE TOUCHED MY SON'S FOOD, GET OUT THE FUCKING WAY BITCH, I NEED A WORD WITH HIM!!!" I stand my ground "sir...I don't think you know what autism is" I say. I wonder what the hell the staff are doing, are they really just letting this unfold? "OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT AUTISM IS...IT'S WHEN SOMEONE'S STUPID AND DOESN'T KNOW CRAP SHIT ABOUT THE WORLD BECAUSE THEY'RE PARENTS DON'T KNOW CRAP SHIT ABOUT EDUCATION AND PROBABLY LIVE IN POVERTY!!!" I feel my hand twitch as if to say punch him in the face right now. "His parents probably make more money than you" I say. He looks taken aback "what did you say" he asks. "Oh sorry I didn't know you were deaf." I see his face flush tomato red. "ARE YOU CALLING ME STUPID" he asks. "No I'm calling you deaf and if you had half an education you would know the difference." He slams his hand on the table. "Brent lets sit down." I lead Brent back to our seat, the man is still scowling at us. When his son comes back the man tells him to get a new loaf of bread from the basket. "Why" the son asks. "Because that stupid fucking bitch took a bite out of it." He says, just loudly enough so I can hear it. I have to use all my power to not stand up and punch him in the face. I call over the waiter "excuse me sir!"

The waiter walks over to our table. "What seems to be the problem" he asks. "Can we move to a new table...I don't like the view." I point to the window but say it loudly enough so the man knows what I'm actually referring to. "Of course sir" he leads me and Brent away. I smile despite the man staring knives into the back of my head.