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I want to close the window, but you have fallen asleep

by Charm



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30 Reviews


Points: 62
Reviews: 30

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Wed Jan 29, 2020 6:53 am
vagrant wrote a review...



Cute...

Hello, this is Vagrant on this end, here for a short review.

I like how you set the scenery in the beginning. The imagery of fog, mist and that faint light of early morning develops a cozy feeling in my mind. The later part of the poem where you mention your partner sleeping with their hand rested on your knee seems very cute to think of.

I like the whole idea and the theme of the poem. It is very interesting when short poems contain, within them, a deeper meaning.

Overall a positive outlook from my side.
Great read, keep up the good work, mate!
Cheers!




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37 Reviews


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Wed Nov 27, 2019 1:10 am
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Raelyn wrote a review...



Aww, this really hit home. This is such a sweet soft concept. I think we forget the smallest little things can mean so much. Your poem is very concise yet none the less impactful. I love how in the small amounts of words you made something so elaborate and beautiful. I have no suggestions for you. This is truly nice and keeps up the hard work.




Charm says...


Thank you!



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105 Reviews


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Tue Nov 26, 2019 8:22 pm
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LZPianoGirl says...



This poem is great. The font is amazing and so is the wording. I really enjoyed reading it. And you can read it very quickly, too, so that is great.




Charm says...


Thank you!



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951 Reviews


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Sun Nov 24, 2019 4:38 pm
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alliyah says...



Glad to see you posting poetry again, this was a light little snippet, but really beautifully written. Delicate imagery and solid word choice. Keep writing Charm. <3




Charm says...


Thanks so much Alli! <3



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Sun Nov 24, 2019 2:08 pm
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JabberHut wrote a review...



Good morning!

This was really pretty. The imagery was incredible here and really played with the senses. I loved the picture that I got out of it, how peaceful it looked and felt. I absolutely enjoyed this piece.

It was interesting to think that the speaker was breathing in the mist from inside, perhaps the breeze carrying into the room?

I really liked how that middle line stood on its own. It really provided such an appropriate and dramatic pause between the other stanzas, dwelling on that deep breath inhaling the outdoor misty air. It was super awesome how that worked out!

The final stanza seemed to feel like a run-on sentence, and I did notice there wasn't a single period even though it felt like three sentences. This could be intentional to not break the smooth rhythm when reading it, but perhaps instead of commas, dashes or line breaks could be used instead? It could also just be my inner grammar police not bending to poetry as well. Food for thought, I think!

What I love most about that last stanza is how each line really builds on the image in our head. We start with the window, then the breeze, then the speaker's partner sleeping, then the hand on the knee. Every single line builds on it, and it's SUCH a cool progression. Breath/breathe was used quite a bit, but it wasn't as distracting as one would think. In fact, I think it actually worked well here too.

It's a really beautiful piece, and I wish I had more constructive things to say about it. It was such an enjoyable read and helped me feel at peace as I read it, which is certainly a success. A great poem!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!




Charm says...


Thank you so much for your feedback!



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20 Reviews


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Sun Nov 24, 2019 5:14 am
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Bhaavya Singh wrote a review...



Hiii Charm!!!! This one is a beautiful literary work. The imagery is excellent. This is short but express deep thoughts and emotions.
"Mist lingering on tree tops
Like a blanket of soft light"
This one is my favorite. I never imagined fog in such a beautiful way. While reading I felt like I am standing on the window watching the mountains covered with mist and experiencing the cold winds.
I would just like to remind you that every liberal of the poem starts with a capital letter.
The poem is adorned gracefully and I do adore it.




Charm says...


Thank you for your feedback. In regards to "every liberal of the poem starts with a capital letter" that is untrue. In poetry, there is not "correct" formatting. Traditionally, it is more prevalent to see capital letters at the beginning of every line, but that is not the case anymore. Nowadays, it is more rare to see poets capitalizing the beginning of every line.




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