Published May 3, 2005
i am making up
sorrows and tragedies
and unrequited loves.
i am trying to forget what it is
that makes up my world and hide it
in a crack in the wall but the people around me
can't seem to forget who i was before.
i am pulling at skin
and grasping at thin air.
i am running from
pitying glances and sighing
over coffee cups,
writing inspired poems and
painting abstract paintings that i tell
people have a hidden meaning in the
scratches of purple paint.
(if no one can see me
i might disappear)
i am drinking too much vodka and kissing every
boys with smooth hair in the hope that
something will make me forget
how very ordinary i am.
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141,441 Literary Works • 674,455 Reviews
That's beautiful. I really liked it.
I love your poetry, Chanson.
This is no exception.
Great, I really like the concept, it's really understandable. It was well-written, very original. What Nate pointed out in the second stanza would really help to be fixed up, but other than that, pretty good!
"sorrow and tragedies"
should be
"sorrows and tragedies"
since the rest of the stanza is in plural form.
"i am trying to forget what is"
This line works as is, but sounds awkward. Adding "it" before "is" may solve that problem.
"i am running from
pitying glances and sighing
over coffee cups"
This sounds like the same people who are casting pitying glances are also sighing over coffee cups. Add a comma before "and" to take care of that.
"boys with smooth hair in the hope that "
Change boys to boy.
Overall, I actually did really like this; it has an interesting theme that you don't usually read. It also brings up a point that I think everyone has come across; that is, there is always some time in our life that we want to change, but too many people know us as we were before that change becomes very difficult. It's also cool how you stress the kind of frantic nature that the person is in right now, as well as the low self-esteem.