I was walking down the main hall of the castle to meet with the king. But when I passed a corner there before me sat a house cat black as night with a small tuft of white fur on its chest as if the first star after the setting sun. I was caught in some sort of spell as I couldn’t look away from the feline’s emerald eyes. The cat arose then spun around and began to wander off with its tail up as if beckoning me to shadow it. Without faltering, I accompanied it on its path. I was a man of wisdom and knowledge, but I trailed the animal without a thought of hesitation…. It was as if I was a mere child walking behind a friend to the fields. The cats’ pace started to quicken into a light jogging pace. I mimicked the cat not wanting to lose the feline, but it quickened again until it was in an all-out sprint. I again tried to match the cats’ pace but was outmatched, but still ran I needed to follow I needed to look into those eyes once more. Unfortunately, my robes had other plans for me as I fumbled and hit the cold stone floor. I opened my eyes expecting to see the cat dashing through the hallway, but all I see are my chambers. As I lay in my bed I look to my left wanting to see my wife. Sadly, all that lay there was the bedding and the small cat that was black with a small patch of white fur on its’ chest. It was the only thing I had left of her.
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140,139 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm well this is an intriguing piece here. It takes a bit of a second to actually unpack but I think once you manage to actually get a reasonable glimpse into what exactly this is trying to say you do find yourself with a lot of thoughts to consider. I will have to before diving into that mention that the paragraphing is a bit of a problem here.
At the moment its not really a wall of text per see given it is actually fairly small as a piece but it does seem to have things that should be packed into at the very least two separate paragraphs in terms of the way everything is presented right here because there appears to be two properly distinct sections there.
Getting back to the piece here the oddly specific description of the text and the way this person talks as if that was in fact once his wife makes me wonder if this is the aftermath of some sort of curse that transformed this person's wife because that is the vibe that I am getting here. Either way I think it makes for a rather intriguing piece here. You've got yourself a pretty thought provoking short story, one that could perhaps do with a few adjustments in terms of paragraphing and maybe a bit of streamlining on the flow but one that does come across as quite powerful.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I loved this short story.This person,fascinated by the cat,must mean something to the narrator.You mentioned that the cat was the only thing left of the narrator’s wife.Maybe the wife had sparkling emerald eyes,like the cat.What if that cat was her pet in life? Another thing,I loved that it took place in medieval times,it gives the story a fairytale feel.I hope you have a good day/night.
Hi Chairywrites,
Mailice here with a short review!
First of all welcome here on YWS! I Hope you have fun here.
First of all, I would like to say that this is a very interesting and exciting story. I didn't think when I was at the beginning that the end would come in such a twist. You start with a good beginning and give me more questions about the meeting with the king and why there is never an answer. I like how you start describing the cat and thereby make a clear line under the actual path and continuation of the story.
It seems like a dream all at once, how the protagonist is chasing the cat. You've adapted your sentence structure well to the story, creating a very surreal moment and yet a tension that keeps you following along until the end. The result was very exciting at the end, because it raised new questions. So you're already creating a good idea here. (I'm just a bit questioning why the story is in Art and not in Short Story)
In general, you're doing something very interesting and mystical here, which I like very much. It gives the whole text a touch of fascination. Here are two points I noticed while reading:
Here in the sentence I'm not sure, but something sounds very strange here. Either because it's a bit longer and there's so much happening or because there's just something somewhere that doesn't fit.
Here I like the sentence structure, how you follow what's happening in quick succession.
Have fun writing!
Mailice