Leave my heart for crows to peck
On the last trees on Earth
Let it fall in womanhood's dirt
And drain out all of childhood's dregs
Raise my hoe above the soil
Work the lands in mother's name
To reap the fruits of her claim
And let my pain fall in toil.
Lost underground with no way out
Eyes hidden from the morning sun
It feels as though nothing's done
And we wade in the shallows of doubt.
Shall I water the seeds with my tears?
Remember the deadened trees
Or they will be all you see
In wait of the coming years.
The weeds amongst the flowers thrive
In the grand scheme of things we must hold
For what we love we must be bold
Reap what we sow so we can survive.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Fahrvergnügen, Celty!
So I am totally not a poet and I can't offer you any criticism on this >.> Not only because I don't really know how to poet, but also because I couldn't find anything wrong with this. It was really good!
I'm totally loving the imagery you used in this. The vivid details, the raw emotion, the power behind your words - it all strengthened the poem and brought it to life in my mind. I felt like I was actually there in the poem, seeing all that you have written about and feeling pain and sorrow for the narrator and their people. The emotion behind this was my favorite thing about this poem, because it felt so raw and real and in-depth. As if I was the narrator and seeing all of this and feeling the emotions first-hand.
Overall, this was a beautifully written poem. I can't find any nitpicks because I don't think there are any. This was well written, with a clear message that was swiftly delivered, a strong flow, and a bunch of imagery that resonated in each line and made this poem what it is: amazing. It was a pleasure to read.
Hello! Emerald here for a review!
I have no nitpicks about this poem! Great job!
Favorite parts:
Leave my heart for crows to peck
Eyes hidden from the morning sun
Lost underground with no way out
Reap what we sow so we can survive.
Work the lands in mother's name
One question though, it sounds like this person is a slave, am I correct?
(Had to re-upload, sorry)
Subtle beauty is what this is... This poem creates an atmosphere of eerie innocence submerged perversity at the same time! (My interpretation).
Word Choice: Simplicity is what I found, and simplicity is usually the way to go. You owe the rhythm of this poem to the word choice. They were so beautifully chosen and they let the poem flow sonorously in the reader's mind. Also, they add to the dramatic 'feel' of the poem.
Imagery: It bounces! (At least in my imagination; mental disorder!) In my opinion, the images were clear, concise and to the point. For some reason, I imagine the descriptions in utter darkness. Anyway, I enjoyed it; they were unconventional and twisted to some levels (like- Leave my heart for crows to peck/On the last trees on Earth/Let it fall in womanhood's dirt/And drain out all of childhood's dregs). Due to the fantastic word choice, you were able to create sensuous images.
Voice: The voice gives me the feeling of defeat or unspoken resignation to the 'inevitables' of life. I also feel depression and your poem also exposes a truth about life and its machinations.
Overall, it's a good poem. My only bone-of-contention is with the title; I don't feel emotionally satisfied with it. But then again, could be my mental disorder
Tend your flame...
Thanks for the review, Temi
I'm glad you liked it 