Tragedy.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this was definitely a tragedy...oh dear...so much went wrong from that one horrible mistake made their by him...oh well...a pretty powerful story this one...and well...at least the ending is somewhat bittersweet and not a complete tragedy.

Anyway let's get right to it,

One day, there was a couple walking down the street. He stopped, and so did she. She could tell something was wrong. She looked up sadly to him, and asked "What's wrong?" He said "Look...I'm sorry, but this isn't working out. You love me so much....but, that's the problem. When someone loves me I get scared of being hurt. I am sorry."

Okay...well that didn't start off very well...I guess the title is very appropriate there...we're starting right away with some that appears to have some sort of deep seated fear of being hurt by the ones they love...and well....that can often lead to some pretty sad situations sometimes...well...let's see where this particular one is headed.

She looked down at her feet for a moment. When she looked back up, her eyes were full of tears. The tears rolled down her checks, like rain down a window. "But...I can't hurt you. It'd hurt me too! Even more then it would hurt you!"

Well...that is in fact the typical reaction that you would expect to see if someone truly does love you...and well that should definitely be true...well it should be very interesting to see where all this quarrelling ends up taking them.

"No. I don't care." He said to her. You could see the hurt in her face as she realized he really didn't care. About anything that has to do with her. And, he never did. She let go of his hand and ran away, tears still going down her checks.

Oh gosh nope that is the absolute worst thing that he could have possibly said there...well...I can predict right now that's not going to end well considering she really did seem to care for him...oh dear....well..I guess that's what you expect from a tragedy xD.

That night, she sat there. Crying, unable to stop for even a moment. She wrote a letter to him, saying on paper that she will only ever love him. But, in trying to make sure he didn't get hurt, he had hurt her beyond repair. Only he could save her...but, he wouldn't ever try.

Oh dear...well...that letter cannot be anything good...oh no...it looks like she's just prepping her to do the absolute worst thing you could do in a situation like this where you get hurt really badly...oh dear...

She graded a razor. Made sure it was sharp and, broke the blades out of their case. She slit deep down her arms. She sat there crying until she passed out. She had truly loved him, but he didn't love her back.

Aaaand that is what happens when you do that....oh gosh well...truly follows the tradition of a tragedy that one...one small mistake and boom suddenly a life is lost...and well that is a mistake you just can't fix.

Later that day he went back to apologize to her. To ask her to take him back. He did love her, he was just scared. But, he knew he had to stop before she was gone forever. When he went into her room, he saw it was too late. Her bloody body on the floor. He ran over to her. He held her and screamed to her family. He cried onto her, hugging her. They had to pull them apart. He saw the note. He went over to it and picked it up. He read it and cried. He ran home and grabbed their picture. He held it in his hands as he sliced his wrist open. "I'm coming for you Baby."

Oh no....he wasn't even trying to do something horrible like that...well that is a double tragedy we have on our hands...oh dear....well somewhat of a bittersweet ending at least I suppose...you know...in the end they will be reunited and hopefully they can sort out their differences somehow...but wow...that was quite a tragedy born out of a simple fear there.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall...a solid little story...kind of a tragic start to my large review marathon here...xD...but ehh...I will take it. Its a good story. Anyways that's all I've gotta say here.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Hey, CcIsAwesome! Strangelove here on this Review Day and I have a review for you!
Pardon if I'm rusty, haven't reviewed in a month. Anywho, onto the story.
The title is straight out named after what this is about. Tragedy. I hate to admit it, but I didn't like it. I'm not the most emotional guy, so that's probably why the feel department fell flat for me, but that's not it.
WARNING: NOT TRYING TO BE MEAN, JUST BEING HONESTY. HONESTY IS ALWAYS GREAT AND CAN BE USED TO HELP A WRITER GROW, NOT SHRINK.

One day, there was a couple walking down the street.

I didn't like that part. It seems so simple. Simplicity is good in a lot of cases, but this is super simple. I hate to say this, but I've seen so many stories start out with this. It kind of lowers the chances to be original.
Like the first comment said, it feels like a Lifetime movies. Lifetime movies are often ridiculed for having the attempt to grab emotions from the viewer. This story has potential, don't get me wrong, but it's so toned down and simple that is diminishes the chances of it. If this was longer, it could work. It could work really well, but it's small.

Once again, I don't intend on insulting you. I never called it a bad story, it just needs work. You have lots of potential, and you can do it.

Trust me

Hello Cc, Flite here for a review. I'm going to review as I read.

One day, there was a couple walking down the street. He stopped, and so did she. She could tell something was wrong. She looked up sadly to him, and asked "What's wrong?" He said "Look...I'm sorry, but this isn't working out. You love me so much....but, that's the problem. When someone loves me I get scared of being hurt. I am sorry."

When a new character speaks, their dialogue should be on a separate line.
So, it would be.

He spoke: "so and so."

She answered: "so and so."

I would also like to question your opening, opening with just one day is a bit mundane if you ask me. A short story, especially a short story. Your opening should aim to grab the reader's attention and hook them in. Starting with one day sounds like the start of a typical story, instead of saying one day. Why not describe the day to us? Using descriptions can enhance your story and set the mood. For example, later on in this story. We see the break-up between a couple, why not set the weather to accompany it.

Ribbons of rain has started falling by the time we had reached the street, the sky a monotonous shade of grey.

Or something along those lines?

She looked up sadly to him, and asked "What's wrong?"

Awkward sentence phrasing, it should be. 'She looked up at him sadly.'

Now, you said she looked up at him sadly, but why is she sad. Does she have any reason to be sad? Prior to this, there were no foreshadowing. Granted, you said she sensed something was wrong but you didn't explain why or how she felt this. When writing a shot story, it is extremely important that you provide the readers exactly why the character did this. Because you can't rely on further chapters to explain this.

Keep it in mind.

"But...I can't hurt you. It'd hurt me too! Even more then it would hurt you!"

Huh, she can't hurt him? What do you mean she can't hurt him? This doesn't quite match up with what they were saying in the earlier paragraph.

"No. I don't care." He said to her. You could see the hurt in her face as she realized he really didn't care. About anything that has to do with her. And, he never did. She let go of his hand and ran away, tears still going down her checks

You have the same problem here. You're not showing us enough, you're telling us too much. You're also not explaining enough. Let me go through each of these points separately.

Not showing enough

I'm sure you've heard of the old rule, 'show don't tell.' I like to think of it as 'show and tell'. Because a good story needs both elements. You actually have this problem all the way throughout your story, but I'll use the quoted paragraph to explain it.

In the above paragraph, you told us that she ran away and the tears were going down her cheeks. You told us that she was upset by his blunt confession. You need to show us with figurative language, use metaphors and similes. Compare her pain to something, let us make our own decisions. Your job as a writer isn't telling the readers to feel something, is to make them feel what you want us to feel.

Not enough explanation:

He didn't care. Great, why didn't he care? She could see the truth in his eyes, well fair enough. But could you at least explain how she saw the truth in his eyes. This relates back to showing as well, were his eyes flat and passive? Stone-cold, what was his eyes like that made her realize this?

[quote]She graded a razor. Made sure it was sharp and, broke the blades out of their case. She slit deep down her arms. She sat there crying until she passed out. She had truly loved him, but he didn't love her back.[/quoted]

'graded' I'm not sure if you can grade a razor, I assume you meant grabbed.

This is the climax you've been building up to all along, yet. I apologize for my bluntness, is very anti-climatic and extremely cliché not to mention stupid. The girl breaks up with her boyfriend, who doesn't even care. Then she goes home and kills herself, a bit pointless if you ask me. She's got her whole life in front of her. She's slitting her arms, you could have used this for character development. You could have perhaps shown us the relief she felt when she slit her arms, or maybe how the physical pain blotted out all the internal pain. When writing a dramatic scene such as this, a common convention to create tension is to shorten your sentences as you reach the climax.

Regarding to the ending, it also seems highly illogical and cliché. No reason save for that he just suddenly decides to go and apologize to her. I thought he didn't care, I realized that he may be lying but you've given the readers no clue nor foreshadowing if this was to be the case. With the ending, you're telling me that the girl had killed herself and for the whole day until he arrived, her family didn't notice. Highly illogical, don't you think they would have at least called her for dinner or be alarmed when she didn't respond? I thought it was just her arm she slitted, not the whole body. Wait, so his family didn't stop him there to comfort him but they allowed him to run home knowing that he will probably do something stupid because grief-stricken teenagers can be very irrational. And then ultimately kill himself by slitting his wrist as well.

I can honestly see no logic in this ending at all, forgive me if I'm being blunt. But you've given me no explanation as to why he would kill himself over her when earlier he has said he didn't care. Your story progressed far too quickly for any relationship or any character development to even occur. The story to me was a skeleton of a basic plotline that has its limbs cut-off. You haven't though much about it, you had this idea so you went and wrote it.

My overall impression of this is that you should carefully re-consider exactly what you're trying to convey to the readers here before writing it. You really need to slow down the pacing of your story and explain certain situations. Right now, both of your characters are very 2D to me. I see the husk of a person, I see no personality, no motives, no thoughts that defines who they are in this story. I realize it is a short story, which only makes it even more challenging but it is possible. A tiny detail go a long way, which brings me to your style of writing. You really need to stop telling the readers everything, and bring some figurative language into your writing.

All the best. If you have any questions, please feel free to PM me.