I miss you.

^o^ Good for you! Don't ever change it!!! ^-^ It's great that you won't compromise just to receive approval from others! <3 Your really amazing! I've seen way to many people change their work because of others, it's saddening quite frankly. Anyways this is a great poem, I don't see any spelling mistakes. Everything looks fine to me! (I'm liking this piece!)

Have a great day!

~Space

Hey Chips here to review!

Well, your poem was quite short and had a clear message but there are improvements that could be made.

I felt in general your poem was lacking in detail and imagery. There were many missing pieces to your narrative which the reader cannot make any real connection to. It seemed to be rushed and ended abruptly.

"I never hear you knock anymore

But I always hope it's you when I hear the door"

Needs a full stop. These sentences seem like they've jumped to two different sections of the story as there is no background information or link metaphorically. The reader cannot connect how the person came to be knocking in the first place, or your feelings before it. Also why you'd hope they knock could be elaborated on as its all empty information and could be explained more poetically rather than giving statements.


"Why is it that we never talk no more?

Can't you see?"

I think you should have elaborated on how you came to have a certain distance with the one you once talked to a lot.

"I miss you, I love you, it was only a foolish mistake

Why did I let you walk away?"

The first line should be broken up into separate sections since it going through three different motions. The walking away again could be expanded on.

I hope this didn't seem to harsh, your poem has potential. Keep writing! Hope this helped.

--Chips

RoyalHighness has arrived to review!
Okay, I have to agree with magpie on this one. That line has /got/ to go. It disrupts the flow of the poem. But again, it's your choice after all, since it's your poem.

Let's talk about the stuff I didn't love so we can get to the stuff I do love faster.

I think you should break up the fifth line, so that "I miss you," "I love you," and "It was only a foolish mistake," are all different lines. Also, I think you meant to spell "foolish," instead of "foulish," but if you didn't, then I applaud your usage of the poetic license. Anyway, I think breaking up that line would allow the poem to flow a little faster, and give it more of a rhythm.
The second line is a little long. Maybe try breaking that one up, as well.
I'm not sure what kind of rhyme scheme you were going for, but if you're going to rhyme "anymore," and "no more," with "the door," then you need to keep the rhyme scheme consistent throughout the whole poem. Having half of the lines rhyme and the other have not confuses the reader and makes the poem sound choppy.
Also, are you going for enjambment? Because if so, you need to make it consistent. I'd say either ditch the question marks or add some periods in there. I like the commas to keep up the flow, but if you're only going to punctuate some lines and not others, it gets a little distracting when you /do/ use punctuation.

Alright, I think that's about it for criticism.

Now let's get to what I did like.
I like that it begins in media res. I like that you replaced the cliche of waiting for the phone to ring with waiting for the significant other to knock on the door. It's a little different, and I like that.
I like the "can't you see?" line because I've been there and that's what I always feel like saying to them.
I like the last line, too, because it's a good ending to an okay poem.
Since this is your first work you've posted and it was written a year ago, I'll grade you easily on this one.
I review on a ten-star scale, so I'm going to give your poem five stars of ten. I like the overall poem itself, but you need to fix that third line, the flow, the rhythm and the subject is a little overused. But again, it's pretty darn good for your first work. Keep writing, and if you need anything at all--reviews, gifts, points, a good hug, anything--just post on my wall and I'll be there for ya. Welcome to YWS! I can't wait to see what else you'll provide for us. Great job!

Hi there!

Here is my honest opinion. It's filled with good intentions.

That line you're so up and arms about? Change it. Not because it's grammatically incorrect (though that did make me cringe), but because it doesn't fit the rest of the poem. I know many people who use "no more" instead of "anymore," but they use that kind of country language in the rest of their speech, as well. If you want to keep that line the way it is, make this a dialect poem (without being offensive). As it is now, "anymore" fits the rhyme scheme, and it is grammatically correct. I see no reason why you should keep it as "no more" instead of "anymore".
The saying is to "murder your darlings." That means if someone criticizes something you've written, and you find yourself getting defensive about it, it usually needs to be changed.

Poetry needs imagery. We have two here. Kind of. The first is the knocking on the door. The second (kind of) one is the walking away. Add imagery to create a more interesting poem. As it is, I feel like I've read this a hundred times. The trick to making an old idea fresh is to find new connections between things. Instead of saying "it was only a foolish mistake" (changed from the misspelling, "foulish"), you could liken it to something. What is a mistake that does not have to do with this? Pushing the gas pedal when you meant to brake. Accidentally buying the wrong size shirt at the store. Find your own mistake, and illustrate these vanilla lines with simile and metaphor. They're going to be your best friends. Also, don't be afraid to use a more varied vocabulary.

hear the door

Why did I let you walk away?

Can't you see?