Young Writers Society

On werewolves and vampires.
This has become cliche, through and through. I'd avoid using these if at all possible. Rely on the strength of your characters and plot, not gimmicks.

On arranged marriages and peace treaties.
Why are the two countries arranging a peace? Has there been a bloody war? Would the metropolis not want to expand further? Would the woodlands not want to defend their homeland? Be wary of fake motivations. Further, how would an arranged marriage help resolve the problems between the two cultures? They cannot reproduce, no?

Food for thought.
-D

Hey Catnip it is Bigmacloves here for a tiny review.

I just came across this and I would say I like where this is heading. This is a very brief bio so the idea isn't all that clear but I look forward to reading the novel. I also want to say that it is a very amazing Romeo and Juliet story. So with that I forbid you farwell.

Keep on writing!

Hey catnip!

I just across this and I would say I like where this is heading. This is a very brief bio so the idea isn't all that clear but I look forward to reading it when it's done.


Keep on writing!

Hey catnip!

I just across this and I would say I like where this is heading. This is a very brief bio so the idea isn't all that clear but I look forward to reading it when it's done.


Keep on writing!

Hey Catnip, Black here for a quick REVIEW!


Okay, right to business! From what I see here this is a type of blurb. It's not got enough linear information and detail to make a good synopsis or summary, but it carries a good, open, interesting-sounding end which gives it a lot of hope and makes it a good, catching blurb. All-right. In my view you have few problems! Your grammar is really quite decent, your spelling is perfect, you seem to have plot, and you seem to have a good idea. Your weaknesses are in your prospectivity and grammar.

All right. So I'm gonna do what I can to fix these two problems in your style, but you gotta remember that it's up to you to sit down and do the hard work. I can only do the basics. Remember not to rely on me or any reviewer either!

Okay, so a question that any blurb or synopsis should ask a reader when done reading said blurb or synopsis is 'Would you read this book?'. Okay, so quite frankly I'm going to answer you: No. No, I would not read this book. All right, I know that hurts, but my reasons are valid and you COULD fix them fairly easily (Even if you've written half the book already). Let me explain.

First off: You use, might I quote 'vampiric', and 'blood-sucking'. All-right. This means vampires obviously. Up to this point you've been going beautifully. The overall idea is just burning into me! I love it. However let me tell you one thing: Vampires are the ultimate mushy romance characters that have been most abused. Overused I should say. Look: If you want to use some kind of monster like vampires then do so! Just don't call them vampires. Give them a few different characteristics and call them something else!

I assure you that very few people will see the connection and that your story will be drastically improved! I personally can't stand vampires, they completely tick me off! Your next problem is in that you COULD have more prospective tension . . . but you don't. Think about this story . . . think of something really emotional you could do here. I mean, you have two people who really love each other . . . the girl is betrothed to the guy's brother! What kind of reactions would you expect to arise in the mind of that 'betrayed' and 'cornered' brother?

Now it's just fine for him to stick in the castle and be a good little boy (Possibly still loving the girl), but it would be SOOO much better if he all of a sudden hated his brother! Or felt betrayed by the girl! Or wanted to kill himself! Or simply left in desolation! . . . Let me tell you that the prospective action you have coming (Prospectively of course) is not what I'd want to read about. >.> Just a thought.

But don't be discouraged by losing just one reader. There are bound to be tons and tons of people out there who would simply love your story. ^^ Things are like that sometimes. Especially with writing. Not everyone's bound to be totally pleased.

Anyway, now to Grammar: Your main problems are in that you're being very formal and not doing too great a job. It's hard to write formal, you have to be careful. I'll do what I can to show and generalize on your problems but you must remember to do your own part! Do not rely on only me! I will disappoint!

In a dark world divided by raw nature to the west and a power surging metropolis to the east, two unlikely creatures

But when they challenge the boundaries of love, the two are swallowed by the thresholds of an unfortunate fate.

Brought to a city she is frightened of and tied to a jealous, blood-sucking husband she cares nothing for, Saybri is haunted by the ghost of love, and with the ever present Kadence just rooms away, the fires of affection between them cannot be quenched

Is this going to be a fanfic? It sounds pretty similar to the Underworld series. It's a good description of where you want to go with it. However, if you're not going to make it into a fanfic, then I suggest making a point to give this story different twists and turns so as not to relate it to the other series. It is a great start, and I encourage you to write the story. I look forward to reading it, keep up the good work.
And as always, good luck to you and your writing.

I loved the first paragraph, partly because it reminded me of a story I'd read a year or so ago. 'Her Vampire Husband' it was the same scenario and I like that there's still writers my age straying away from the typical highschool supernatural romance stuff.

find love in the silhouette of two very different worlds.

and a union made

into a union

Brought to a city she is frightened of and tied to a jealous, blood-sucking husband she cares nothing for, Saybri is haunted by the ghost of love, and with the ever present Kadence just rooms away, the fires of affection between them cannot be quenched.

Hi! I like your character's names alot. Not sure what a 'Lycanthrope' is though. It seems sort of strange that Saybri doesn't even know her 'beloved's elder brother', so I guess you'll have to address exactly why that is. And also is her 'beloved' also a blood-sucking vampire as well, or is that not a family thing. The story seems interesting enough, and I think you have good character ideas so far. Was there a title you had in mind for your story yet?

~alli-y~