The Captain

This is really nicely-written! I was so hooked on to the beginning of the poem... you used a great sense of imagery - it's as if I could see myself being in that scene! I especially loved the twist ending which I definitely wasn't expecting. This was because you painted the scene so well in my mind that the ending shocked me... so great job on that!

I would suggest looking over the flow of each line. I can't place exactly what seemed weird, but some of the lines ended in ways that didn't really flow together. One thing I noticed was the rhyme scheme wasn't consistent. I feel like if you adjust this, it may improve how it's read by readers.

Overall, you did a really great job! I'd love to read more of your work.

Wow, I really enjoyed reading this work Cathe. I will have to look into reading more of your writing.

I really enjoyed the beginning of your poem, how serious it was, how put together everything seemed to be. The shift put it all together, I liked how it lightened the mood, and may have even brought a smile to the face of the reader.
Your imagery was clean, and beautiful. With my eyes closed, at the thought of your words, I could picture a captain and his crew, in a storm. I could only imagine how big the waves would be when someone jumps into the pool!
I think that if you were to add some more structure and rhyme to this piece that it would make a rather nice piece of poetry!

Hello!

This piece made me giggle at the end. Such a twist! I really enjoyed it, and it put a smile on my face. Very cute, and it honestly is a such a beautiful dive into the imagination of a childlike mindset. It's actually very well done!

Your imagery was wonderful here, I could really picture the captain on his ship sailing the seven seas -- that whole deal. It accurately painted the picture so vividly, which helped accentuate the twist at the end.

I couldn't tell if there was supposed to be any sort of rhyme scheme. My brain would fall into a rhythm, but then the rhythm changes about halfway, then by the end it felt completely freeform. I'd definitely suggest nailing down how you want to go about using rhymes here and stick with the pattern. I definitely think a meter would really do this piece well, considering it's very light-hearted and childlike in nature. That sing-song aspect of a rhyming poem could definitely work here. Alternatively, you can make free-verse work too since it starts out very dramatically (in which case, maybe the twist at the end is a rhyming couplet or something). It's really up to you how you wish to go about it. Give it some thought though and build the piece around that plan.

To build off that point, the weird phrasing in some of these lines felt very out of place, especially since you weren't even trying to rhyme in some cases. If there's no rhyming, that leaves more room for rephrasing and creating lines that flow much smoother.

With a little more structure (or less!), I think this piece could really pull through. I absolutely loved the theme and tone here, and I hope you had just as much fun writing it as I did reading it!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Hey, Che here for a quick review!

First of all, I loved how you were able to tell a story in such a short amount of words, complete with a beginning, middle, and end. Not many people can do this well, especially in poetry, so I congratulate you on that!

The only thing I will point out is that your rhyme scheme was not persistent- that may be on purpose, but in my opinion it would read and flow a lot better if you kept the ABAC scheme you started in the first four lines. The rhyme you did use, however was really good and kept the pace of the story/poem,

The imagery in this was really strong- I especially loved the last line. It was just so powerful!

Keep writing,

Regards, Che