Chapter One
They had met in the second semester of Cate's Junior year of high school. Cate was a shy girl who was always in the background, she was uncertain and never spoke. She hated the idea of being social, too much drama and she actually had to TALK to people. The sixteen year old kept to herself most of the time, usually with a rather thick book in hand.
Michael, on the other hand, was a vibrant fifteen year old who was loud, laughed a lot, and was a major prankster. There were many days, often witnessed by Cate, where his friends were pranked by the short and speedy boy. Cate had envied him in the past, he had friends, she did not. She watched him in the corner of her eye sometimes and even laughed quietly at the jokes he'd make in British Literature. She knew he was funny and it made her smile. But, she never tried to be friends, friends were just too tricky. Friendship required honesty- something she couldn't give.
Michael noticed the brunette who kept to herself on a daily basis. She would walk in and out of class quietly, she never joked, never even talked. She was strange to him, but it made him wonder. The biggest thing he had noticed about her were though were her eyes. He would catch them ever so often when she would look up from her book in class or her phone at lunch. They were soft and gentle, coursing with rivers of blues, greens and a hazel brown. Michael loved her eyes, it's just what made her beautiful. But it was her voice that broke the ice.
Cate sat on the sidewalk at lunch and dug her headphones out of her coat pocket, connecting her phone and began listening. The soft melodies of the music made her smile as she softly hummed along to the music. She was happily oblivious in her little corner near the gym, sure that no one would hear her.
"Hey."
Cate's eyes flew open in shock and looked at the newcomer. It was Michael with a lopsided grin and mischevious eyes dancing in excitement. She let out a breath, avoiding his gaze.
"Hey."
" I heard you humming." He told her. She gulped nervously.
"You did? I'm sorry-"
"No, no. Don't be sorry, I wish you didn't stop. You have an amazing voice." Michael replied with a wink. She could feel his eyes penetrate her own, but unlike any other time, she lifted her eyes to his. Michael's metal blue eyes were sweet and full of sincerity.
" You're really good." He insisted," I don't know why you hide it." He stood as the bell called for third hour. Cate remained on the ground, still speechless from his unexpected compliment. In her daze, Cate felt a heavy fingered tap on her shoulder. Startled, she darted her head in the direction of the touch.
" You comin' or are you going make Mrs. Julie give you extra reading?" Michael asked, his back pack sagging over his right shoulder. She stood abruptly.
" Oh yeah, I'm coming." Cate responded and hastily grabbed her back pack. The black haired teenager nodded and turned on his heel towards the stairs.
Hm... maybe he's not like I thought he was after all. She said to herself, following closely behind.
The rest of the day went by rather quickly for a Friday. It was a blustery afternoon as the class bell let out the multitudes of teenagers in a throng of sweatshirts and ball caps. Cate was amongst all this, searching for her newfound friend. Her hands trembling gently as her hair blew into her eyes. In all of her junior year, she had never said goodbye to anyone. She let a smile creep onto her face, it was great feeling. Her sharp eyes caught sight of the small black head, bobbing up and down amongst the group of football players. She could hear his distinct squeaky laugh as Grant made a joke about the Quarterback of Allison Baptist High. Unconsciously, Cate drifted along the seams of the crowd, slowly inching closer to the burly group of boys She gasped instantly as she realized what she was doing. Cate turned away quickly and sped off back into the trickling crowd.
What was I thinking?! She whispered to herself, annoyed, he was just trying to be nice. Cate stopped by the edge of the sidewalk, the feeling of embarrassment and regret covered her in floodwaves. She sighed, yet another attempt at trying to be friendly. Just as she set foot on the pavement, a hand grabbed the crook of her arm. Cate turned to face a very jumpy Michael.
"Hey, I'm glad I caught you! I wanted to say bye before you leave." He said and pulled her into a swift hug. Cate grew stiff as his tan arms enveloped her.
"Oh! Well, I'll see you later." She answered quickly, giving a light pat on the back. And as quickly as he appeared, he was gone. Cate's heart welled with unmistakable happiness as she drove off into the afternoon traffic. Her hands gripped the steering wheel with delight. She had made a friend- maybe one she could even keep!
Michael watched her drive off in that navy blue Dodge she had recently started to drive. He crossed his arms and let a knowing smile on his face as he remembered that little grin she had at lunch. It was so soft and humble, almost...scared.
" What you grinning about?" Asked Joseph, giving him a wink. Michael waved him off.
"Nothing in particular." He fibbed, grabbing his bag and leaving. Oh. that was definitely more than just nothing, and he knew that too.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
I am not a professional so I could be wrong about everything! I liked how you describe things, I liked metal blue eyes, although metallic blue eyes would probably sound better. Your story flows well. I would suggest one thing, show don't tell. In the first paragraph there is a description of the character and her personality. Perhaps she could be reading during the first few sentences, not daring to look up, that shows that she is shy and withdrawn rather then saying, she was shy and carried a book. Just some advice, I enjoyed reading this!
Ello!
Me again. So this probably isn't going to be a long review because... well.... I Loved It... Again!!!! And other than me having a little bit of a chat to myself about how much I loved it I havent reaally got any improvements for you. Well I have a couple, but they're so tiny they hardly count.
Okay, two super diddy nitpicks
I think it needs to be a comma rather than a full stop after 'oh'. But yep, that was all that I spotted.
And another little one that I noticed, was that the title, way up at the top, and in the name of this post, you've called it chapter 1, is it not chapter two? Or am I reading in the wrong order.... that one could be what's going on here... But it's still amazing! But maybe just make that little bit a little clearer?
Omg this was so cute!!!! (Sorry, no intro to my mini fandom here, it's just gonna happen xD )
I love how they're so opposite and they still have this connection and aww, it was so cute. And he hugged her goodbye, and she was all awkward, and no, you're not going to get anything helpful from me because I'm a little distracted by the feels right now.
But I love it! I love your characters, and how we get to see little glimpses of their personalities and aww, so cute!!! And such a contrast to chapter one, wow. You're sending me on an emotional rollercoaster here. And the way you've written it all, the cuteness just flows so smoothly, and it's perfect!
So, on to the next chapter of awesomeness....
Hello! Ripple here. While, I'm not typically a huge fan of romance, this made me smile.
Cate seems slightly stereotypical at this point, but that's fine; you can develop her character more in later chapters. However, these two paragraphs definitely feel (for the most part) like you're telling us their personalities, rather than showing them. This does feel like a first chapter, but you've tried to cram all of your exposition in these two paragraphs. Try to expand upon these. Instead of telling us of Michael's pranks, show us one of them, with Cate looking up from her book to see it. It will help establish the characters without having to state what they're like.
Aww! He has a crush on her! I really like that you started with him falling in love before her.
I've done that.
I've never heard "metal" used to describe eyes before. It's an interesting choice, but the connotation with metal is one of separation, at least for me. You could consider changing that.
I like this scene a lot, but I don't understand what you mean by "She gasped instantly as she realized what she was doing. What is she doing? It just seemed like she was going to talk to someone in the hallway. What's wrong with that?
I like the sentiment of the ending, but the last sentence is phrased awkwardly. Maybe it's the repetition of "that", or just the last "and he knew that too." part, but I think that sentence needs a rewrite.
I really enjoyed reading this. Keep writing!
Hey,
so this is so cute! Like I'm dying. I was listening to one of my favorite songs and i usually have to just stop reading to sing along but when I read your chapter I stopped singing to read. I was supersized because when I finished i realized I missed my song.
Anyways. I really don't have much to say about like grammar or anything. it was pretty sound in that department. You could always add more description in the setting and maybe what characters look like. I hope in future chapters we get to see why Cate doesn't want friends and how Michael came to fancy her.
One thing I am confused about is it says chapter two but it seems like a chapter one. Am I missing a chapter because if I am please give me a link and I'll go read that chapter. Another thing I have to praise you on is how Michael (if my prediction is right) comes to get a crush on Cate before she gets one on him. I really like when romances to that because the other way around is so cliche.
Overall I loved this and please PM me when you have another chapter up because I would love to read it. As always keep up the good work and have a lovely day.
-Zee
OMG!! I just saw this! Yes, there is another chapter, it if you go to my portfolio and look through them, there is chapter one. Ahh, you shall see my curious friend.
I will pm you as soon as I can because I have at least three more chapters waiting in the wings for my post on here. Thank you for your comment!