Chapter One part two
That evening was quiet for Cate, just like normal.
"How was school?" Her mom asked her. She felt a gentle smile play on her lips.
" It was good." Cate answered, happy that she actually meant it this time. After dinner, desperate to write down a scene she had just created in her mind. As she went up the stairs, Cate caught sight of a paper strip hanging precariously from the pocket of the hoodie she had so carelessly swung over the banister. A tad bit intrigued by it, she swiped it and unfolded the torn sheet note paper.
"Here's my number. Text me if you want."
- Michael Weston
Slowly, Cate slowly slipped her phone into her hand and punched in the number given. Her fingers hovered over the brand new contact. Did she have the guts to actually text a guy she had just met? Cate shook her head, no she didn't. But where was the thrill in that? Against her better judgement, her thumbs sped over the keyboard, typing up a short and sweet note. The junior sighed, " No going back now."
She walked into her horse themed room, turquoise and peached paint colored the walls as her Breyer horse models stared at her. She eyed them. Cate could have sworn that they were either telling her " way to go" or " you'll blow this too". But honestly, she didn't care. "We'll see." She breathed," It's a done deal now. Can't take back that message."
Though she wanted to. So bad.
....
"Now listen, Thomas. If you want-" Michael rolled his eyes," bud, if you wanna win, you need to shut your mouhth." He said through his Xbox headset. A mumbling came from the other end followed by an explosion on screen, sending bits of shrapnel into the surrounding digital landscape. Michael grunted in frusturation," Michael I swear-" He stopped and lowered his head, feeling the vibration of his phone on his upper thigh.
Hey it's Catherine, the girl you talked to at lunch.
Thanks for the compliment, it was really sweet.
The message was short, but it made Michael grab for his phone. Pausing the game, he typed.
Hey, it's good to hear from you! No problem, it's true!
You have an amazing voice.
Satisfied with his reply, he pressed the send button and waited for her response. For some reason, he was getting insanely excited- just for a text! What was going on? He took a steadying breath and refocuzed. He had a game to complete. But every so often, his eyes would drift to the dormant phone screen, expecting a text to pop up.
I'd like to agree, but I'm not that good. Thanks though.
He grinned, only if she knew how beautifully she could sing. His fingers were poised at the ready.
No need to be so modest. Think what you want,
but I thought it was beautiful.
Cate smiled as she read and re-read the text in front of her. Someone thought her voice was beautiful. She, for the first time, didn't know what to think.
You've made me speechless.
No one's ever been able to do that
They talked for hours, all the way till nine that evening. Michael made Cate laugh and warmed her heart with his complements and remarks. She was astounded how much she actually felt...wanted.
End of chapter
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139,905 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
Ello again!
Just me, your friendly neighborhood story stalker.... Again.
Okay, one single iccle nitpick this time because everything else look fantastico to me!
So, in this paragraph here:
It becomes a little confusing as to who is talking. Usually it's better to start a new paragraph when a new person starts talking if you get what I mean.
And I know I said one nitpick, but I kind of just noticed this now, but you have made a couple of typo's on 'mouth' and 'frustration' , but yep, that's super diddy.
Okay, now for the micro fandom because I dont want you to waste all your day having me wittering on at the bottom of every review about how amazing your writing is... but oh how it is amazing. Like, the ship! The ship is so strong!!! The little text exchange was such a cute addition to the story, and I loved it! And I love how they both loved it too! So cute, they are so cute, and I love it and it's adorable! And also, I know its a super minor little thing, but I love how the texts aren't in text talk, and awww. It's amazing! This story is amazing! Your writing is amazing! I loveeee it
And I need to go see the rest, so adios for now, until the next chapter xD
Hey there CateRose17. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
Note: I haven't read any of the previous parts so sorry if I make any incorrect guesses about the plot. Excuse any of my grammar or spelling mistakes in this review. I unfortunately have to be on mobile for this review day.
This story seems to be pretty interesting and I'm sorry to have missed the first part. Due to time restraints, I don't think I'll be able to read about the previous events today. Well I better stop procrastinating and get this review on the road.
-I think this paragraph just needs a tad bit of rewording and reordering. I would splice together the first and second sentence. In their current form, it's somewhat confusing about the order of things going on. Here's one way that I would do it.
-Then I think you should combine the end of the second sentence with the third. Basically there isn't any rewording going on, just splitting up and combining sentences.
-Instead of dialogue, I think this would be better as a thought in italics. Perhaps something like this.
The text message conversation was pretty good. Also thank you so much for not using the usually emoji and text slang. I hate it when authors do that in works, even in text message context. This conversation was also semi relatable because lots of us have been in that position. I mean that is me every time i go to click on someone in the chat bar. Will I be able to act like a normal human being or will I drive the people away with my insanity.
There is one part of the text messages I wanted to comment on before I go away.
-I think you should split these two sentences into separate texts. This seems like the sort of text where you would send one part and then think about it for a second. And in that second you decide to send a clarification or you try and tie up loose ends. That's just the sort of vibe I got from this section. Do what you will with my comments, I don't mean to interfere with your style.
Well I guess that's really all I have for now. Good luck on your next chapters and I hope to be able to read them.
Happy Review Day!
Lizzy
The Queen of the Book Clubs