Wings

Hiya! Space here for a review!
Wow! I've got to say, it's pretty good. I like the concept, it has a childish feeling to it (a little girl collecting palm-tree fronds after a hurricane), yet also deeper then just a silly poem (wishing to build wings to fly away, a young yet interesting theme). Because it had that feeling, and because it seemed to tell a story, I really like the format of it.

Of course, a popular way of writing poetry is to add commas, but to me, in this specific type of poem, I don't think it's as important and I don't mind it very much in this particular poem. Either way, I think it would be fine.

Overall, this is a short, cute and interesting poem, and I really like the style!
Keep up the good work!

~Space

hello, ash here for a review
so a few things before i get to what i think
"When I was a little girl(add comma)

there was a storm(add comma)

and it rained for days.

Our palm trees

lost their fronds(add comma)

and left them scattered

across the ground.

For weeks on end(add comma)

we cleared the yard(add period)

(capitalize the P on this ->)piling fronds by the road

for the garbage men to take,

but they didn't get them all.

I saved them in corners.

In bushes.

The shed.

I kept as many as I could.

With enough time and effort

I was certain I could build

wings."
OVERALL
i think that this is a good poem, it was a clever idea i really the thought process behind it
keep up the amazing writing
i look forward to seeing more from you in the future!
Best!
>Ash

Short and simple, yet dramatic and descriptive. I really really like it!

I really don't see anything wrong with this, because in my opinion, every poet and every piece has their own style.

I kinda feel like there could have been more? Like the beginning of an amazing story about this little girl building her wings, making it through. But just alone, it stands really strong.

I also liked that this poem have off a kind of mystical, peaceful vibe, like childhood memories, and I just feel like this line kinda crashed it.

With time and effort

I love the wording of this piece, it's beautiful. I enjoy how the perspective is that of a young girl, it adds character and more meaning to the poem.

The format of the poem reminds me of story, and with it being short but sweet, I feel that works really well for your poem.

I can't wait to read more of your pieces.

~Adelaide Knight

I love the wording of this piece, it's beautiful. I enjoy how the perspective is that of a young girl, it adds character and more meaning to the poem.

The format of the poem reminds me of story, and with it being short but sweet, I feel that works really well for your poem.

I can't wait to read more of your pieces.

~Adelaide Knight

This a beautiful piece. Well thought out and executed. My thoughts on this were about a hurricane. Is this what you were going for?

I love the language used, it reminds me of my favorite poets. I noticed you don't have any of the lines of your poem rhyme. Is this your style of poetry?

Looking forward to reading more.


~Aneli Defanif

This is a nice idea, and very well written.

I like the perspective of the little girl, seeing that innocence and positivity to come out of something like a storm. Is the storm a metaphor for something that has gone wrong in her life?
Wings can represent freedom and flight and you wrote that really well in the poem. Her positive outlook on life is really nice, how she wants to turn fallen leaves into something as beautiful as wings.
I liked the first lines "when I was a little girl, there was a storm". In poetry, a storm could mean many things, so it draws in the viewer to keep reading and find out.
Honestly, this is just a nice, short poem that I enjoyed reading.

Hey Catalyn! Corrupted Arrow here with a review! if I offend you in any way, I apologize in advance.

This is as really cute idea! There's just a few things that need to be tweaked;

"For the garbage men to take.
But they didn't get them all
I saved them in corners." The 'but' acts like a comma but (gotta get that double but!) Most people would say get rid of it but it works here.

After this is all said and done I have found no more mistakes. Keep up the writing and have a good day!

Radrook here to review.

Thanks for sharing.

I enjoyed reading this story about a little girl who imagines that she can eventually make wings out of palm fronds. To me the mention of a storm can represent any event in life that causes emotional turmoil. The fronds themselves can represent damage that we experience and then set aside and try to forget hoping that they will eventually be removed. Surviving such storm-like negative experiences we might be able to come out stronger and even soar because of it. In short, the fronds become our wings in a symbolical sort of way. It's like saying that when we encounter lemons we make lemonade. In short, the composition is like an extended metaphor.


Suggestion

Without the traditional poetic capitalization the poem would have been far more readable for me.

As a reader I wondered how one tree could provide so many fronds. So if it were my composition I would say palm trees

This is very well written poetry, and it sounds like it's based on a true story. Is it? Your poem is written very uniquely, without any fancy language or anything. I think it sounds like the girl wants to fly away from her problems. This is easy to relate to, which makes it very good poem material.

Hi! Royal here for a quick review. I love poems like this, short and sweet, to the point. My biggest pet peeve, though, is when every line is capitalized. I know that's an Artistic Decision but I just wanted to let you know you don't have to capitalize every single line, especially when they're so short, because it can be a little distracting.

I'd love more from this. Why does the speaker want to build wings? What are they running from? I think you could create some tension at the beginning that would explain a little bit why the speaker is looking for an escape. Maybe that's another poem for another day, but it's worth considering expanding this. I'd also like some more imagery about the frond-less palm tree. Did it look bald? Shaven? Vulnerable? There are a lot of interesting connections you could make between the vulnerability of the tree and the speaker's own.

Overall, a good little poem, but I want to see more. This is a little too bare (like the tree!) and I think you could really expand and make this beautiful. Good job!