Grace pushed the doors open to her home. It wasn't a large one, and it was rather bland.
Old, stone walls with a very rickety wooden door at the front. The inside was only two floors, with a basement. There were only eight kids living there, along with their caretaker Martha. Martha was an older-like woman, but she was very energetic for her age of 50. She was always happy and smiling, glad to be taking care of the kids she watched, boys and girls.
Grace's face lit up as she came through the door- Martha was standing there with the other eight kids beaming at her. "There you are! We've been waiting since school let out, where have you been!" Martha's voice sounded stern, but also a bit relieved to have Grace home with her.
She shrunk back at tone of Martha's voice , but her voice came out calm and steady,"I was at confession. I'm sorry that took so long." Martha's face delighted at this answer- she always loved it when they did their Catholic duties at such a young age.
"Well, no matter. We're still having a get together for your birthday, so you better go get ready. Hurry, now!" Her voice was pinged with excitement and joy; something Grace never knew how to react to. In her own eyes Grace was nothing special, but Martha always seemed to think different of her. For some reason she had always treated Grace as if she was worth a lot more than just a regular Catholic girl, and she couldn't think of a reason why. Maybe she sees the way the others treat me and pities me, she thought. She waved the thought aside, and ran up the steps heading to her room.
When she got in her room she lightly slammed the door behind her- for some explainable reason she was feeling a bit frustrated with how the day had gone. She hadn't been picked on as much as she normally does, and all of the adults had been really nice to her. She sighed, flopping down on her bed and closing her eyes.
One day, I'll be out of here the old song rang in her head, and she began singing it.
One day
I'll be out of here
I'll spread my wings,
and just sail away
One day
I'll be over there
forgetting these memories
one day
Her voice was sweet, and as she finished she heard clapping outside the door. She jumped up in surprise, her heart pounding that someone had heard her sing. She managed to stutter,"Wh-who's out there?!" her voice was shaking, and so was her body. She knew she was overreacting, but she couldn't help it.
She watched the doorknob turn, and then the door open steadily. When it opened completely, a man was in view. He was rather tall, almost having to bend over to get in the door way. Wait, he was as big as a man, but was he? His face made him look younger, if only sixteen or so. "Nice, very nice, Grace." His voice came out in a deep tone, striking fear into her. Her body quit shaking, but she couldn't move at all now.
"I only came here to give you something, so don't think I'm here to hurt you. That's not the plan.. yet. Here, take this and I'll be on my way." He pulled a string on his belt, and handed her a cloth bag. Her arm was steady, but it didn't feel like she was moving her limbs, she felt as if someone else was doing it for her. She held it, and watched the main turn to leave before collapsing on the floor.
Half-worn out cries was the only thing audible from her room in the next few minutes. Why... Why did I react like that? Why couldn't I say something.. Why couldn't I move? Her thoughts were racing, but she couldn't think of an answer to anything that was going on in her head.
She finally managed to pull herself somewhat together, and peak in the bag. Something red was in there, but she couldn't tell exactly what. She placed her hand around it, noticing the object was oval. Steadily she pulled it out, not knowing what it was. is.. is this a large chicken egg? The oval object was the length of a good ear of corn, but the width was much greater. It resembled a large chicken egg- but it was red with yellow zig-zags throughout it. She huffed, not knowing why a stranger would give this to her before noticing a note was left in the bag. She pulled it out and it read,
Dear Grace,
We know you must be confused about this. We can't tell you who we are, or even what our mission is, but we can promise you this will bring you comfort when you can't find any. You'll need it on your journey, it's a dangerous one.
-M
She continued looking over the note, completely puzzled at it's contents. Her head popped up quickly; however, when she heard Martha screaming her name fro downstairs.
Shoot, I forgot to get ready! She grabbed some clothes from out of her dresser, running into the bathroom to hopefully change in time.
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137,902 Literary Works • 672,070 Reviews
Hellooo
So far I feel like this book is appealing more to a younger audience. The complexity is pretty relaxed, making it a heck of a lot easier for littler kids to read.
Much like Grace's home, the imagery here is pretty bland. Though description is provided after, it really sets a dull tone for the chapter. I suppose the wording is a bit elementary, which dumbs it down a little too much.
I believe that's a question, so treat it like a question and put a question mark.
Motions are pretty unclear here. 'Cause like, I've got no clue why he had a string on his belt or where the heck this package appeared. Perhaps the bag was tried to his belt?
It's spelled peek, bruh.
And I believe that is all.
-amelie
The where have you been was rhetorical, as she didnt care XD. Thats why there's an exclamation point
The where have you been was rhetorical, as she didnt care XD. Thats why there's an exclamation point
It's still a question though, right?
Hello there, Casanova!
This is Moonwatcher here with another review! ^-^
"Only eight kids" and "only two floors." I'm emphasizing the /only/ bit...only. I don't know how you farm kids work, but eight kids is quite a few children, and for me personally, two floors and a basement may as well be a mansion. My point here is that the "only" bits make it sound as if it's a small amount, all though these numbers are pretty large.
So would that make it nine kids? Or do you not consider Grace as a kid? If so, I thought it was eight kids total. Although an exclamation mark works for the dialogue you have there, you used it in the first sentence of dialogue, so I think a question mark in the second one would be better (either one works, though).
"She shrunk back at tone of Martha's voice"? Did you by any chance mean to put another word in that sentence that slipped? As for "Martha's face delighted", I know what you mean, but this sentence is phrased oddly.
I think you meant *differently.
"Lightly slammed the door." When I think of slammed, I think of shut hard, and I think that's the definition, but I'm not sure. "Closed" would work better here.
Again, I know what you're trying to say, but *in the shape of an oval might work better.
"Fro" should be "from", I believe.
So finally, the plot unravels...somewhat. I'd say that due to the mysterious man, this installment ends on a cliffhanger, but not so much because the reader can already figure out that the mysterious note/chicken egg are important to the plot. Regardless, I'm still curious to see more of this in the future. I hope my review helps you out, and have a great day! ^-^