Cetiri - Prologue

PreviousNext

"Rogtak! Get over here!"

From the recesses of the giant, dark room, a creature came out, hideous, and with spikes protruding from his back and claws and teeth as sharp as swords, he seemed to be his own weapon arsenal. He was hunched over, and his eyes glowed yellow as he spoke.

"My lord, you have need of me?"

The man who had called him sighed, "Yes, Rogtak, else I wouldn't have called you here! Anyway, what news have you on the outlying lands?"

Rogtak snickered, and you could hear the satisfaction in his laugh, and the man knew that whatever Rogtak was going to tell him was going to be good.

"We have advanced into the outlying lands, my lord. The dark magic you provided us has helped a great deal with ravaging the land. Soon, the people will be at our feet begging for mercy."

The man smiled a devilish smile that would send chills up your back if you had seen it with your own eyes. He rose from the large throne adorned with the bones of those who had opposed him in the past. It seemed that no one had ever escaped from him.

"Is anyone aware of my identity?" The man asked.

"No. The people believe that my kind act alone. In fact, your spies have found out that it is rumored that you are alive no longer."

"Ha, even better. Eventually I will reveal myself to the people of Lothara, when I am sure that my plan will succeed. But for now, we continue as planned."

Rogtak shifted where he stood. It seemed that he had something to say, but was nervous about saying it.

"Rogtak? Have you something you wish to tell me?"

"Oh... Well... My armies are curious about our payment. The land that you have promised to us. They are growing restless, my lord. They demand more payment."

The man walked down the few steps that separated the platform his throne stood on from the rest of the floor, purposely going as slow as possible. Rogtak backed up a few steps as the man approached him.

"Rogtak, I brought your people back from near extinction. And now you demand more payment from me? Remember this, Rogtak; I can wipe out your people just like that." The man snapped, emphasizing the power he had over Rogtak and his people. And it was true. Rogtak was the king of his people, and after decades of war, there was only a small population of his kind left. When the man heard of this, he decided to use it to his advantage. He met with Rogtak and told him that if he and his people did his bidding without question, he would restore them to their former glory, and then some. Needless to say, Rogtak accepted the deal. But there was a terrible price to pay. "You swore that you would serve me as long as I helped your people. You wouldn't go back on your word now, would you?"

"No, my lord. You have done much to help my people."

"Good. Now go. I have things to do."

Rogtak turned to leave, and once the big doors pounded shut, the man walked across the room to the giant world map he had stuck to the wall. It was easily twice his size. He was his fingers over the yellowing paper, tracing the path he planned to take that would eventually land him in the capital city.

"Soon..." The man then moved his hand to his side, and drew back his billowing cape to wrap his fingers around a bejewled dagger like a python around its dinner. He slid it from the sheath that held it and twirled it around in his hands. The, with one swift move, he thrust it into the letters of the capital city, Eluhar, just as if he were killing the king himself.

"Very soon..."

Comments & reviews · 4
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
ThatWriterGuy
Review

Nice prologue!
This is really interesting and I was hooked after the first few lines. You MUST publish more chapters! I want to be introduced to the main character! The 'man' seems very menacing and powerful, a good villain. His motives aren't clear yet, however this leaves mystery which is always good in a prologue.
Rogtak seems like an interesting character. You should have him be a sympathetic character in later chapters, almost like golumn. It would be cool to see him conflicted between preventing the extinction of his people, and preventing the 'man' from carrying out his evil plan. That would be a cool story arc to carry out. Just a thought, though.
I like how you didn't give information dumps about the world and instead you weaved all information about the lore through dialogue and narrative, which is a good habit. As a fantasy writer myself, i sometimes make the mistake of giving information about the world from POV of the author and not the characters. You have SHOWN the information and not TOLD t. This is good.
The one criticism is that i am not sure whose POV this chapter is from whether from the 'man' or Ragtok. You should make that clear, and maybe add some internal thought process to the chapter, to see what the characters are thinking.
Overall, I like what you have done with the prologue. You have set the tone of the rest of the novel and made me want to read more. Well done and keep up the good work!

-ThatWriterGuy

Hello,

First off, great prologue to your story, I cant wait to read more!! I love your use of language and imagery and I think it works great in setting up the tone of the piece. The story itself is very intriguing, and you have great character interaction from the very beginning. I also love the cliffhanger at the end and cant wait to read what comes next!

great job and keep working on this story, seems great so far!

-phoenixwhisper

User avatar
Rurouni
Review
Rurouni wrote a review · Sat Jul 13, 2013 5:27 am

Alrighty!

I liked this, I wanna see more! Please, more!

okay, adn is and.

woudl is would

shifter is shifted.

I like how you describe, most don't like this, and I really enjoyed it.

I like how you describe the relations between the characters via dialogue.

This was good all together, I can't find anything else, and I think it's overall good.

Thanks, I enjoyed this!

pegasusgirl2

User avatar
dragonrider
Review

I thought that this is a very good prologue. It was well thought out and organized in a clear way. Also, it caught my attention from beginning to end (loved your ending by the way) which is sometimes hard to do. I felt the characters and your descriptions were very good. The only real "suggestion" I would give is italics. You don't particularly "need" them, but it would add an extra ping to your story. Like:

"'needless' (sorry my italics aren't working) to say, Rogtak accepted the deal. 'you swore that you would serve me as long as i helped your people. You wouldn't go back on your . . . 'word' now 'would you?'"

Overall, loved your prologue! Keep on writing!
Dragon Rider

Thank you so much! I was inspired by a dream and I thought it could become a good story. I did have some trouble writing the ending but I'm glad you thought it came out well. Thanks again!



Generally speaking, a howling wilderness does not howl: it is the imagination of the traveler that does the howling.
— Henry David Thoreau