Ship wrecked onto an unmarked island teaming with different types of one infection threating to take over the island. Decide the the fate of settlements and forgotten kings and cure the infection, crucify the wicked, or slay the dead. Find a way off the island without spreading the infection or succumb to the islands curse. Enjoy my take on an infected fight for survival. The fate of those who survived so far rests in your hands.
Hopefully someone will like this when i write the actually story after session 1. (happening Wednesday May 14th)
if anyone has anything that they want to read happen as the story goes give me ideas ;)
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Hi there and Happy Review Day from The Purple Prose Eaters. Let's take a look at what you've got here.
First off, this isn't a comeplete sentence, despite it's length. Who is shipwrecked? You need a subject. Second, personally I would change "onto" to just on, as it's typically written. An island is a big, permanent object, so on fits better. Third, "teaming" should be "teeming" in this instance. Fourth, the second half of the phrase feels very messy to me. Considering something like
"You've been shipwrecked on an unmarked island teeming with multiple strains of a deadly infection."
Delete the double "the" Im not sure if get why you have to pick between those three choices, considering it doesn't seem like they conflict with each other, but it's an,intriguing set of choices nonetheless.
"Islands" should be island's.
As for the premise itself, I would be more intrigued if I was sure that this island was once inhabited? You say "forgotten kings" but I'm not sure what that refers to. If this island was abandoned why are there infections spreading on it without a host, and if it was inhabited, why is it unmarked, and how do the players know of the infection to begin with?
I dont play DnD but these are just storybuilding questions I would have. I think it's a fun premise with a chance for some really cool set pieces!
~Messy
Hopefully someone will like this when i write the actually story after session 1. (happening Wednesday May 14th)
if anyone has anything that they want to read happen as the story goes give me ideas
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the gory S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - This is about an infection and something wicked happening in an island. How fast will it spread, how far will it go, and whatever will people be able to do?
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - “The” is written twice in front of fate, but that’s just one little thing.
Chocolate Bar - This is only a short description, but I like the description of the infection coming along and the effects it will make on the King and everyone else. I also like that this will be a fight for survival and how there will be people fighting off the infection, it sounds like an interesting story!
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, this was a nice snippet of what is to come with this adventure. The only thing I would say is for there to be more description, but I’m certain that there will be more description in the actual story. I am looking forward to reading more about this infection and…
I wish you a magical day/night! ^v^
Ooo, this sounds cool! "Slay the dead" has some interesting connotations... a zombie apocalypse, perhaps? I'm excited to see where this goes! You said part 1 would be written after the first session, is that a DnD session? I have a ton of questions about the island geography and ecosystem, but I assume they'll be answered when you release part 1.