In 2093, thousands of radioactive meteors pummelled the Solar System. Hundreds of huge space craft left Earth in a chaotic mass to find help yet thousands were left behind to suffer the terrible apocalypse. After 9 years of space travel among the stars, most of those ships found the greedy Undrux, mysterious Fargon, warlike Braxton and psychokinetic Mellis Empires. With the help of the new found allies, human colonies proliferate the galaxy under the protection of the AHD (Armed Humanitarian Defence) 200 years after those first encounters. But the fate of the other few ships remained a mystery, until now. As humanity races back to its home planet to reclaim its rightful system a Dark New Enemy rises and threatens the very existence of the entire Universe…
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm...well this is one of the few blurbs that I've run into on YWS that actually happen to be labelled as blurbs. You've certainly done a pretty good job of forming this particular one here, I do find myself enjoying it quite a bit here on first glance. It does seem like maybe it could benefit from a tiny bit of paragraphing though on first glance. Some of those more explosive sentences there turn out a lot more powerful when they are separated out into their own paragraphs and allowed to really resonate with the reader.
Beyond that little issue though, this sounds like quite a fun prologue here. There is certainly quite a dramatic premise being setup for what seems like it'll be a pretty dramatic scene here and it definitely gets our attention quite nicely as readers as we try to figure out where this could possibly be leading us here.
Overall it seems like it could certainly be a pretty enjoyable situation especially if it is managed properly. I'd say you've established a solid sort of base although it is now still not terribly unique and you need carve out a path for this story that is its own.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I like the blurb too. Unfortunately I read chapter one first so wasn’t fully informed on what has happening but now I understand. I really like chapter one as I said in my other post. Also really like how you call the unknown enemy a
and how you say the existence of the entire universe is under threat.However I think you could have given a description of the alien races, and how Humanity reacted to being forced off Earth was it chaos or rather ordered?
All the best.
Hi Calmal. I'm Conrad Rice, and I'll be your reviewer for today.
So, this does seem an awful lot like just a prologue. It sets up a history, details some factions that might come into play, and then provides a setting. It doesn't really tell us a full story.
And, since this is science fiction, you really ought to explain to us some of the things that are happening here. For one, radioactive meteors? How do thousands of radioactive meteors occur? And you throw four alien races at us, but never bother to even explain what makes them alien. At this point, they're just real names. Expand this. If you're just describing a setting, then go nuts with it. Describe every single detail and really make the world come alive. Otherwise, this just seems like a blurb on the back of a book.
This does have some potential to it. You just need to do some work with it to bring out that potential. PM me if you have any questions or comments.
Good luck.
-Conrad Rice
This is more of a summary of the conflict rather than the story. Or maybe it's a prologue... I can't tell. Flesh it out and make it sparkle. It'll be better, trust me.
By the way, you may want to say that the meteors are pummeling Earth, simply because if they were pummeling the Solar System, we wouldn't be able to leave the Solar System. So keep in mind the science always. Science fiction is generally supposed to have some background in science.