1. you imagine, in outer space, you are weightless. not a body but a being. years you've wished on shooting stars to know this feeling. still, gravity captures you within yourself and collapses you into reality. in all the bodies you've been, you've never known freedom. it is something otherworldly. harsh like the sun and unreal like a god. amid it all, you remain mortal.
2. no time or space can place you anywhere that feels like existence. in a solar system of planets circling the sun, you are a vessel sailing in the deep sea of space with no destination. if you were a constellation, it would be easier to let beauty mesmerize you. to forget that you are suspended in simulation. that nothing feels real.
3. solar flare. static. suffocation: you remain trapped in skin that doesn't feel like yours.
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139,211 Literary Works • 672,510 Reviews
Hello, calamity! (may I say I love the new username, it's so striking) This is Alex, passing by to drop a review on this awesome piece by you. I'm afraid I'm not much good at interpreting and reviewing prose, but I'll try my level best as this work really called out to me. So, let's begin.
This poem feels out of the world, quite literally. The title is catchy, using a comma in the word interspace was a wonderful idea to demonstrate detachment within a same word. The poem carries a tone of remoteness and a longing for a place where one feels free and familiarity. The title and description is rather fitting, despite being generic.
I love how gravity is depicted as a cage in the first paragraph. To be free of it is to experience a new feeling. You're no longer bound like your body, but unrestricted like your soul. It's a dream come true- to break free from the shackles of gravity holding one down. But it is not followed by the realisation that this freedom isn't absolute. Gravity still holds you together and your body confines your spiritual being.
The second paragraph goes on to mention how the notion of existence is mere fiction to the human mind, as nothing feels real in this chained vessel. Freedom compromised is freedom nullified. You portray a scene of a human sailing in a deep sea of space with no destination, among the sun and planets of the solar system- it goes on to imply how we're a mere speck of grain in this vast universe, with no real significance. Everything seems vain and hollow.
The final paragraph is very precise yet thought provoking. The alliteration used is pretty impressive, capturing the entire experience in mere three words so beautifully. Solar flare points more towards the material and physical feelings. Static goes on to depict the consistency of the surroundings, how they're predictable yet a little scary. Suffocation was a great choice of word to get across the feeling of being trapped- the topic on which the entire prose poetry revolves.
The last line in particular is the most intriguing to go over. It talks about the feeling like a foreigner in our skin. As if the person is beyond this mortal presence and captivity.
I don't have much for suggestions. I'd usually advise you to work on capitalising the first letters of each sentence but I think it'd do more harm than good here. The running writing adds a latent continuity to the text. There isn't really a break of thought here and it is a great metaphor for that. I'm sure this was a deliberate poetic and it surely worked.
Overall, this was such an interesting read. It address the feeling of not belonging in one's body and the mortal world. It dwells in the spiritual realm, suggesting the soul isn't free in human life. It expresses the yearning for liberation from all these wordly chains to be a free presence, unbound and limitless in nature. Love the philosophical take on things, you've truly done a commendable job of penning down such a complicated and entangled idea. I had a great time reviewing this, hope this helped.
hi there! :]
I really enjoy how outer space serves as both a symbol of desired freedom and an unreachable ideal here, and it is a unique positioning for a place that is *so* far from being understandable to anyone. I interpreted this version of space as metaphor for detachment; physical /emotional forces are constantly pulling the narrator back into reality and the body--gravity as a constant--yet they don't really want to go back in the traditional sense. The narrator is so far alienated from themselves that they find comfort in being something incomprehensible. That is a very realistic approach, and it creates a lot of sympathy for them!
While the space metaphors are beautiful, they become repetitive across the three sections, e.g. the line "no time or space can place you anywhere that feels like existence" teeters on being cliche. Cosmic imagery can be used in many ways to show different emotional and thematic progressions, but there is little going on in this poem besides the various space images. If this narrator has been in many bodies across many different lives--metaphorical or not--you could show that in one of the stanzas rather than continuing the cosmic side of things. I would've loved to see a deeper expansion on them as a person instead of them as a symbol of being lonely in a vast world / feeling detached from other people around you.
I'm curious about the line "to forget that you are suspended in simulation" as well, and it makes me wonder if this has more philosophical undertones. At a second read, the narrator seems nihilistic. There's poetics in the idea of life feeling fake in a casual sense, but I think this touches more on the the idea that existence could be artificial / illusory. The act of *forgetting* suggests that awareness of the 'simulation' is uncomfortable or unbearable, so beauty becomes a coping mechanism for the narrator. The nature of the reality they exist within could be a great idea to build off of, and I'd suggest to take that into consideration.
I hope this helps; have a good day!
lina