I've written this poem on a few other sites, but decided to write it on this one as well. Enjoy.
You weave a tale
That has long been forgotten
But you do not stop
You weave the tale
Until the tapestry is done
And when I ask why you continue
You respond so simply it's as if you thought I knew,
"The story I weave is one I know well
For it is my story that I tell
And when I'm six feet under
I want others to know
My life and inner struggle
So when I'm gone they will know
Who I was, and who shall follow."
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Canary word: Present
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125,017 Literary Works • 672,850 Reviews
Hi caitlynn! Hiraeth here for a review for this awesome poem.
I love this poem, i really do (i mean, i love any poem that rhymes, but this one rhymes spectacularly).
So like when i read this, I think, for some reason of Arachne, that greek girl who was turned into a spider due to some fall out with Athena (lets not focus on that though, greek mythology can get messed up). When i imagine the narrator, i imagine her as Arachne in pre-spider mode, and i imagine her weaving her beautiful tapestries. What i'm trying to say is, you could provide a visual to the readers, even if they are different visuals compared to each other.
The only line that does not quite match is:
"My life and inner struggle". Obviously, this isn't my poem so i can't decide what goes here, but say if it WAS mine, i'd probably not write this because it doesn't really suit the mystical tone of this poem. It's....off, you know?
other than that, everything's perfect; i love your language (medieval, exactly my type), i love the plot, i love that this is not vague, and pretty much everything there is to love about it.
So keep writing, while i head off to read some more of what you've written (magic is good, by the way. I am a believer)
You did a really good job with the wording. The rhyming was well done too. The only thing negative thing is that at the beginning, you used tale twice. It was a little redundant. However, it was overall a great poem!
Oh, and I forgot to say how much I relate to that last line, "when I'm gone they will know, who I was, and who will follow" that's one of the reasons I write!