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2 Cat Poems

by CocoaCat


(I realize now that I have an addiction to cats. Both of these poems are school assignments that required certain features)

Cat Poem 1 (alliteration & onomatopoeia)

Green eyes glow, or maybe they're gold.

They sit on your desk, push things off with a bang.

Cats carefully climb counters or cliffs.

Walk in between your feet, you stumble and crash to the ground.

They may be annoying but you still love them.

Cat Poem 2 (Similes & Metaphors)

Toe pads like peas,

Eyes like emeralds.

Paws are clouds,

Swift as river.


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Sun Jun 25, 2017 10:53 pm
alliyah wrote a review...



Hi there, just leaving a few thoughts for Review Day!

So on Poem 1
I like the humor in here, I think italicizing "bang" would make the onomatopoeia a little more prominent, but overall I like the image. And I'm a fan of cats so I naturally like this piece. The alliteration in line 4 is perfect, althouh I bet you could add that into line 5 as well to make the piece more cohesive.

Then on Poem 2

The simile of toe pads to peas is a bit weak, as "peas" is just really an odd thing to pick so it feels a bit random. But I love the last two lines, paws are clouds and "swift as river" give us both imagery and movement so it works on two levels which is really nice.

A small critque: I think it should be "swift as a river".

Overall nice work here, you used poetic devices nicely!

Best,
~alliyah




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Tue Jun 06, 2017 8:46 pm
Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Nikayla here dropping in for a quick review!

Hmm. I'm always not a fan when I'm to write poetry for school, because whatever regulations I'm given, they're a little restricting. Not in the sense that I can't write the poem, more in the sense that I'm told to write about something completely absurd and similar to nothing else that I've written. These two poems though, they're a bit of fun for me to read. Both are on the shorter side, of course, but that's okay if that's what the assignment calls for. Both go on just long enough for there to be substance here, but not long enough for them to be dragging on and on (the former is debatable for the second poem, but I'll get to that later).

Green eyes glow, or maybe they're gold.

They sit on your desk, push things off with a bang.

Cats carefully climb counters or cliffs.

Walk in between your feet, you stumble and crash to the ground.

They may be annoying but you still love them.


Let's look into the first poem. Structurally, this is a fine piece! What I don't enjoy about this poem is that you happen to end every line with a period. There's no need to do this when you could connect and build on your lines. Spice it up. Make it more interesting for the reader to read. Right now, this first poem reads choppily since each line ends with a period. It. Feels. Like. This. Constantly. Do you see the problem with that?

Other than that, while I'm not a fan of the wording of the first line and I think you should experiment around with that, you do use the two poetic devices correctly even though the alliteration comes a bit out of nowhere in the third line, but I see where you had trouble fitting it in.

Toe pads like peas,

Eyes like emeralds.

Paws are clouds,

Swift as river.


I suppose I'm not as big on the assignments you were given to show that you know and that you can use these poetic devices, rather than your actual writing. A rhyme scheme, if you wanted to play around with this poem more (I wouldn't, to be honest, since there's not a lot of potential outside of showing that you know similes and metaphors) could work here. There's not a whole lot of substance to go off of here, which is what I mentioned earlier, but I can't blame you completely, since I know how these poems for school can be. Overall though, they're two fun poems about cats and don't need to go much further than that to be entertaining.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.


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Tue Jun 06, 2017 7:21 pm
NinaBass123 says...



In your first poem: Really enjoyed this. Was extremely imaginative and enthusiastic. The repeated sound of 'c builds up rhythm in language to create tension,"cats carefully climb counters of cliffs".
In your second poem: the similes and metaphors were exhilarating and imaginative. The rhythm was perfect and allowed the poem to slip of your tongue.




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Tue Jun 06, 2017 4:44 pm
Featherstone wrote a review...



Hello! Fea here to review!

So I'm not exactly a poet (working on it though :P), so just warning you now :wink:

Cat Poem 1

The rhythm is decent, but I feel it's a bit clunky. The ending is awesome! The onomatopoeias and alliteration was well-placed and didn't feel forced, so nice job!

Cat Poem 2

Short but sweet! The rhythm is really good, except for that last line. I feel like missing the article 'a' like that kind of throws the reader, and perhaps having it read "swift as a river" might keep the flow a bit better.

All in all, you did a nice job!

~ Knight Fea





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