I, the oldest sister out of three siblings, was walking to school one day. My siblings were all racing ahead of me. They had almost reached the school. I saw a stray cat roaming around. I tip-toed towards it, but the cat didn't stay. It ran up a tree nearby. While the cat was running, I saw something glowing from it.
I walked the rest of the way to school and put the cat out of my mind for a while. When I arrived, students waved to me and said hi. Once I was settled in my grade five classroom, my teacher walked into the room, "Good morning, children!" Ms Fayfi said cheerily. The entire class settled down and greeted her back.
Ms Fayfi was wearing a short blue dress with flowers on the sleeves. She was wearing black tights under. She had curly orange hair that everyone loved. She was even wearing red lipstick since it was picture day.
"Today is picture day!" Ms Fayfi announced and the class cheered, "We're going to have Music class first, then Gym. After that, we'll have Assembly, and certificates will be given out for this month. Later, we'll have Recess and you all will come in for Math and then we'll all get our pictures done! Then, you guys will eat your Lunch. Then, from one to three, we'll be out for our field trip." She smiled at us. "The day will end then. Questions?"
I raised my hand, "Can I use the bathroom?" Everyone giggled.
"Settle down everyone." The teacher said, "Yes you may, Alea." She nodded at me.
I walked out the classroom and headed for the girls' room. When I went in, I gasped at what I saw through the window.
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138,707 Literary Works • 672,250 Reviews
Hello Butterfly!!I'll say this chap was gr8.You kept it simple and pure which is a gud thing.I can not wait for the next chapter also bcz I adore cats and bcz I am getting good writer vibes from u.Keep up the gud work.
This is so late, but thank you!
This waz my first review eveerrr like OH my Gawd!!
And man is it cheesy Lol.I am so glad I have gotten better much better XDxD I'm honored to be the first one YWSer you reviewed.
Hello Butterfly! It's me FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on your chapter on this lovely day.
So I didn't see a single thing wrong with this work, I thought I was a really good start to a book. I did see one thing I would like to talk to you about though.
Okay so everything here is perfect, it's been written write and everything. But this book has the main character in first person, so I don't no what their name is, so this brings me to this sentence. I think you would add this girls name in here. So I would write it like this.
Now I put the name in bold, but i don't no the real name to your character, so it's only a fake name until I find out the real one. If you don't think you should add her name then don't worry about it.
Anyway, other than that I really love what you have here so far.
I like that we get to go into your characters life a little in the first chapter, before things get a little more hectic.
I also like it that you told us she is the older sister. Though doesn't her younger sisters go to the same school, but in a lower grade, so maybe they can be with her when she sees the cat?
I really like Ms Fayfi she seems like a really motherly person. And someone you can go to if you are having any trouble.
I really look forward to reading the next chapter so don't you ever stop writing. I hope I will see more of your work soon, because I just loved reading and reviewing your work. I hope you have a great day or night.
Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.
Ps: If you need any help with anything, don't be afraid to come and ask me, I will be more than willing to help.
Thanks for the review!
No problem!
Hi @Butterfly7 I am here to do a reel, short review for you.
I have to say that these were some great first lines to start this of. i love the hole chapter it was great to read. and I am really exited to here more. Also could you pleas tag me when you post if you don't mind.So that is all that i can say so great work your chapter made my morning.
Keep up the good writing
@Dossereana Seeking And Helping The Writing Of Many
Thanks for the review! And yes, I'll tag you.
Thanks, and also your welcome.
Wesh, Butterfly! I saw you posted about your story so I'm here to review it. Let's not hesitate, let's get straight to it XD XD!
First of all, that cat picture is su-purrr! (Don't you dare make fun of my pun, I made it up myself. It is far more original than purr-fect, if I do say so myself)
Can you give us your character's name? We know their they are the oldest sibling, their grade, their school day, but not their name. Or gender!
I saw a few spelling and grammar mistakes but other than that your story is pretty good. I like and love (XD) the cliffhanger. I can't wait to see part two and my suggestion is to maybe make it longer.
I hope this helped and keep on writing!
-Professor JadeLotus
Sorry, it sent three times!
Thanks for the review. I was wondering why I got a notification for it so many times. XD
Hey Butterfly!
Hope you're doing well tonight. I'm here to give you a review on this lovely evening! Alright let's get right to it now, shall we? And yes, I'm reviewing your story in small-caps. I think it looks nice.
So, this is a very nice story considering this was your very first one! Brava! I love it. I see you've improved in describing stuff. Your grammar looks good too and so does your punctuation.
Also, that last bit there, the part that says:
You left a cliff hanger there! You've made me jittery and you've made me want to look out for more of your chapters. Speaking of, do you mind tagging me for these? I'd love to read them an see what happens! Well, anyways, you did a great job and I hope to see more of your stuff around here.
Keep on writing!
~Liberty500
Mkay. I'll tag you. And thanks for the review!