Hiya!! The inspiration keeps coming so I keep writing! Tell me what you think!
Vrs1
As I’m looking down
From this high set bridge
There’s cars rushing by
And a rugged ridge
I could jump right now
And end my life
I could do it now
Quicker than a knife
Chorus:
But you say, I’ll hold-on-to-you
I won’t let you jump
I won’t let you die
You are my world
I cannot lie
I will hold-on-to-you
Vrs2
My heart is pounding
In my chest
As I gaze down at
My eternal rest
I can do it now
With one small move
I’ll show them all
What I want to prove
Chorus:
But you say, I’ll hold-on-to-you
I won’t let you jump
I won’t let you die
You are my world
I cannot lie
I will hold-on-to-you
Vrs 3
Then I’m standing on
The steady ground
Staring up at you
With out a sound
You’re really here
You truly care
As you run your fingers
Through my hair
Bridge:
And I say, I’ll hold-on-to-you
I will not jump
I’m not gonna die
You are my world
I cannot lie
So, I will hold-on-to-you.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,783 Reviews
I really liked the versus in this piece, however, I didn't really like the chorus and the bridge at the end. It threw me off into such a cliche' waterfall in which I'm drowing in lovie dovie unrealistic dialog. I just can't see anyone telling someone that is about to jump that "I'll hold on to you". The person doesn't need anyone to hold on to because they're holding on to the ledge or whatever and trying to decide whether to jump or not...lol. I don't know, I just felt the chorus was a bit dissappointing...sorry.
Hey ScratchMan! Thanks for the review! From my perspective, a bridge would be quicker than I knife, or maybe the character doesn't fancy stabbing them self as much as jumping off a bridge. The suicidal person is a girl, chorus, boy. There is a lot of hesitancy, and the point of jumping would (in her mind) prove....ummm....it's hard to say, but wanting to end your own life is usually because of the way other people treat you. Yes! Fast and the chorus slow.
>> Okay, so over all, that was a great song! Tell me, if this were to be sung, would you imagine it as fast or slow? Because I'm thinking fast and slower on the chorus. Good job!
I really like this piece a lot and I really wish that this website had some sort of recorder so then we could hear how it sounds. The lyrics are fantastic =]