Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: A really powerful little story this one. It has such a simple message at its core but then it goes on to convey it so powerfully with the imagery you used and I'm just standing here a little in shock after realizing what it all truly connects up to.
Anyway let's get right to it,
“Promise me father.” A little seven year old boy started.
“What?” Replied his father sitting beside him.
“Promise me, no matter what happens. You will be by my side. By Mother’s side.”
The moonlight cast faint shadows on the wooden floors of the porch. Small insects crawled in and out of the spaces between each individual plank.
Father looked up at the wisps of clouds drifting along the sky and smiled.
Well this is quite an emotional point to be starting off with right here. Its not often you see someone that appears to be quite this young asking for a promise of this magnitude but it is a really powerful moment and I think it makes for a wonderful start here.
Beams of sunlight hit his face as Chris woke up, groggily rubbing his eyes and checking his alarm clock. 08:14 blinked on its display. Panic took hold as he threw off his covers and rushed to the bathroom. The cold water of the shower hit his back as he realized his father hadn’t woken him up for school in time, as was usually the case. No time for that he thought, he probably was still asleep himself.
In a frenzy, Chris had put on his uniform and was headed out. He went to kiss his mother goodbye but she seemed to be preoccupied on the phone. His eye briefly caught the golden light reflecting off the many trophies his father achieved throughout his career.
Oooh well well that is quite the start there. With the kind of promise that we began with, cutting so suddenly to what is suddenly such a just typical morning makes for an interesting transition, a little too sudden almost but also quite powerful in how we now have to wonder how that will play into this piece here.
With no intention of being any more late than he already was, Chris ran out to catch the bus in time.
The day went by fairly quickly, and before long he had reached the end of the school day. Usually since he had extra curriculars, and often hung around for longer with his buddies, Chris wasn't able to catch even the late bus. His father drove him home.
Today, he was nowhere to be found. While waiting, all kinds of thoughts rushed through his mind. What if his father had crashed somewhere on the way here? What if he’d fallen gravely ill? Maybe he had forgotten and was simply doing something else. An hour went by and Chris was the only one still roaming around the school grounds. Nothing. Feeling abandoned and slightly betrayed he started making his way home; 4 miles, and that was being generous.
Ooooh well that just jumped immediately to the heart of the problem. I love that it wastes no time and now it ties back to that opening pretty much perfectly at this point. I'd say this makes for a lovely little twist there. Certainly powerful. The way the boy's thoughts are also instantly towards something having gone wrong for the father just add on nicely to this picture here.
The weather slowly grew colder as he walked closer to home. Cars whizzing past became more and more infrequent. The afternoon was coming to an end and the streetlight flickered on the moment he stepped foot on his porch. The wooden floorboards creaked as dozens of tiny insects scrambled.
Chris entered his home with a very annoyed expression on his face. He went straight to the kitchen only to find it completely empty.
He ran upstairs to his parents bedroom. Mother was sitting at the windowsill. Tears streamed down her face. He went up to her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. They sat quietly as the chattering of the TV continued in the background.
Chris looked up at the night sky, tears clouding his vision, the full moon glared back at him. Not a single star to be found.
Wow....that... I really wasn't expecting that. You consider a declaration of that magnitude to be something that gets honored but to have it twisted through the way the night sky tends to work, that really hits hard because now as we this person starting to suffer we come to the horrifying realization that the declaration from earlier only really showed the father's intent to leave someday rather than the need to stay with his family.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall this was just a beautiful piece here. Its very tragic and really it hits you quite hard once you realize the true intentions the father had the entire time but you really do a wonderful job taking us there through this hopeful lens that ends up being blurred so fast. For something so short, it really is quite potent.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 253913
Reviews: 4100
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