12+ Language

Some ideas aren’t always great

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Ryker was laid out on the sofa flipping through the channels on the TV, a pillow under his head with a blanket on top of him. It was his off day, so he was spending it being a couch potato. As he flipped through the channels he passed one where he saw his friend Lonny on the screen. He flicked back to the channel as he sat up, intrigued as to why he would be on TV. On the screen; it seemed that Lonny was being interviewed at a news station. “So Lonny, there have been some rumors going around saying that you and your crew have been planning a swim expedition. Would you like to tell the viewers if that's true or not?” The camera had panned to the person who was interviewing Lonny. Ryker recognized the woman as Andrea Gonzlez, Ryker particularly didn’t like Andrea as she had been too involved in certain news reports from long ago considering the company that Ryker and his friends work for. He waited for Lonny’s response because he had no knowledge of any new swim expeditions.

“Well Andrea, I can proudly say that my crew and I are going on an expedition! We’re going to swim in the Bermuda Triangle!” Lonny spread his arms out wide as if to make his point. Ryker’s jaw dropped… He had no knowledge of this expedition, the last time they all met up to talk was last week at the Tappers Bar. He remembered that they had ordered some drinks (well more than some) and then they started talking, then they kept ordering more drinks, and then it’s a blank. Ryker doesn't remember how he got home that night, he just remembers waking up and they were just all knocked out on his bed. Ryker was cuddling with Gio, Nori was somehow unbothered on the side of the bed she slept on while Lonny was falling out the bed with each growing second. Confused and wanting answers, he leaned over to grab his phone off the short circular coffee table. As fast as he could, he dialed Lonny’s phone, knowing that he was on live TV.

As Andrea started asking Lonny many more questions a producer interrupted her, “Uh, Lonny, you’re getting a call.” The producer speaks in a hushed tone, Lonny raises an eyebrow in confusion, “From who?”

“Um, the caller ID is…” the producer pauses as they stifle a laugh “The caller ID is ‘My Pooks Ryker’, with a heart emoticon,” Lonny quickly takes the phone, a small blush on his cheeks, he quickly answers the call.

Ryker! Why..are you calling?” Ryker glares intensely at Lonny on the TV screen,

“Lonny..” his tone low and anger evident in it, “Since when were we going to swim in the goddamn Bermuda Triangle!?” Ryker’s German accent more prominent as he yelled, but Lonny seems confused by his outburst

“What do ya mean? We talked about it at the bar last week!”

“Last week? We all got blackout drunk! How could you remember!?”

“I drove us all to your house where we crashed on your bed! I-!” A different person wearing a headset stepped in front of Lonny blocking him from view of the camera. They took off his microphone and started to escort him off the platform, the camera panned back to Andrea. She seemed visibly uncomfortable with what had happened, her lips were pressed into a thin line, and her eyes wide, something caught her attention and she turned to face the camera, with a smile. She started to say her outro for the show but Ryker wasn’t listening to it, all he heard was the beeping of an ended call.

5 Months later…

Thunder crashed in the sky, the boat had left the Arecibo Harbor under an hour ago and the sky was already dark and black. Water crashed against the bow as the boat wafted through the ocean. The hum of the motor filled the ears of everyone on board. As they went on the waves seemed to get rougher and it seemed a struggle to steer the boat through it, well from what they could see from the slight shift from the captain’s expression. The captain shouted something at them, but the thunder-now with rain-and waves drowned it out, he repeated it but louder. “Lo siento, pero hasta aquí puedo llegar!” He shouted once more.

One of the four divers aboard, Lonny-a professional diver of three years-, thanked the man for being able to get them this far with this weather. He turned to his friends and yelled at them to hurry and get the rest of their gear on so they could dive down and explore. What everyone needed to do was put on their diving mask, they all got full face masks for this occasion, attach the regulator, and strap on the dive lights and GoPro’s. Once they get checked over by the deckhand, they settle themselves on the gunnel. They all check and see if the water is safe to enter in, which it is. They place a hand on their regulator and the other on the back of their mask strap, lift their knees to their chest and lean back, entering the water. They give the deckhand the OK signal then they dive down.

“ダイビングに行ったときとあまり変わらないようです” said Nori, she is a professional diver of almost six years. A sigh was heard through the coms.

“Nori… I know I said I would sign up for Japanese classes, but… I kinda forgot? Could you repeat that in English?” groaned Ryker, his German accent came out thicker through coms, he was Nori’s apprentice.

“What a fooleth. That gent lies as well...” teased Gio with a grin, he just started his professional career as a diver, Ryker retaliated at the tease.

“Lonny, Nori! Gio is making fun of me in Shakespearean! Tell him to stop!”

Lonny laughed and said “Aww Gio stop teasing the kid!” and Nori just chuckled at what they were hearing, Ryker was going to say something once more when he saw something out of the corner of his eye...

“Heiliger– was war das!” he suddenly stopped where he was, he sank down a little before beginning to keep kicking his legs. As best he could he turned around as quickly as he could, but he was only met with deep dark blue, he didn’t see his friends either…

He felt a current push him slightly, signaling something was behind him. His eyes widened, pupils dilating, as a terrible and deafening scream was in his ears. The sound caused him to freeze, almost like he was paralyzed by it, he started sinking down into the deep dark blue, he couldn’t move, the most he was able to do was small but violent twitches every other second. His ears were ringing so painfully, he saw blood trickle out from them, his brain pounded against his skull. His vision began to blur, ever so slowly he moved his hand to the GoPro camera strapped on his chest, pain jolting in his body he got the camera off.

Once he got it off it slipped out of his through his fingers. The camera quickly began rising to the top as Ryker kept sinking, his dive light flickered out. It was too dark for the human eye to see anything. He began slipping out of consciousness. The last thing he was able to see was a glowing silhouette.

3 Months later…

Angelo was sitting in the sand on top of his beach towel that he had spread out, he was burying his hands under the sand and bringing them back up to watch how the sand sifted out of his fingers. He was in Florida on vacation with his family for summer break, there was a month left until Angelo–and his siblings–had to go back to school. He didn't mind school, but he also doesn't like it, there was always too much work to do in such little time, he just hopes he doesn't get homework on the first day of school, he despises teachers who do such acts.

He started doodling in the sand with his finger, he was not about to get up and search the beach top and bottom for a dumb stick when he could use his finger. The drawing he made was of some strange battle between some alien looking creature, and… he didn't know what the other thing was…(he just decided it was another alien). He continued making doodles of them, the battle kept on, in the end they both suffered a terrible death. He rubbed the drawings away with his hands, sand filling in the indents of the drawings he had made previously with his finger.

He rose from his spot, he picked up his goggles. “Mom, I’m gonna go for a swim,” he pointed to the water as he called out to his mom. His mom wore a blue swim dress that his sister had called ‘Beautiful!’ She had a tanned complexion, which was darker from how much sun they were getting. She had green-blue eyes, and dark brown hair, she dyed it to hide strands of white hair she had from the stress of raising four children. She was attending to his baby brother–named Byrson who was like a clone of his dad–who was trying to eat his sandcastle. “Oh, that’s fine honey! Just stay where dad can see you,” she replied cheerfully, a smile on her face.

“Darick!” she called out to his dad, “Angelo is going for a swim, watch him please!” his dad waved over, “Alright honey! And Gia, we’er still having that talk later right!” he asked, to which mom nodded. His dad is a man with a paler complexion than his mom, if he didn't have lots of sunscreen on he would be a tomato, he was wearing blue swim trunks that matched the swim dress mom had on. He had dark brown eyes, and usually always had a clean shave–but he had some pricks today–he had dirty blond hair and always had a short haircut too, it was close to a buzz but not really. At the ends of his hair there was white hair but most of it blended in, and he didn't really mind his white hair from what Angelo could tell.

Angelo strapped on his goggles and headed over to his dad, as doing so he had to step over his older sister–Jovie who was a mix of mom and dad, like Brett–who was sunbathing, he kicked some sand her way to which she did the same. He looked back quickly, Jovie had a small smile on her face before settling back again, seeing that made him smile brightly. His older brother Brett was playing soccer with some boys he made friends with, and from all the yelling that could be heard, Brett’s team was winning.

He made his way over to his dad, when they got there his dad was the first person to run to the water when they got here. He had been swimming and collecting seashells that he kept giving to mom. Sometimes he thinks his dad forgets he’s an adult most times. Thinking now, he wonders what his dad meant by him asking mom if they were still having that talk, he’ll just listen in on them best he can from the staircase in the house.

While swimming with his dad something caught his eye, whatever it was, it was wrapped all up in seaweed. Out of curiosity, he grabbed it and rose up from the water, and started to exit the water, his dad followed.

“What's that kid?” questioned his dad, he seemed to loom over Angelo as he was now sitting in the sand. Angelo shrugged, to be honest, he didn't know what he grabbed, just that it was covered in lots of seaweed.

“Can I take it home? I wanna unwrap it there,” he kept looking at it trying to find a way to jam his finger somewhere in it and unwrap it. His dad nodded to his question, it seemed he was just as interested in the seaweed ball.

He walked over to his towel that he had laid out, his bag was next to it and he knew he had a little baggie that he could put it in. He tossed it on the towel, and that seemed to cause it to begin to unravel. He disregarded the bag and started pulling the seaweed off. The seaweed smelled horrible. He got all the seaweed off. What it was had confused and shocked him. It was a GoPro camera..

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
velvetcatsz
Review

Hello! CATS here to review this! Oooo!!! It’s a sequel to the prologue, isn’t it???? OMG I’m so happy. Let’s dive in!
Oh, I wonder who saved Ryker! It was so dangerous. Lonny has too many crazed ideas, if you ask me. DIVING IN THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE??? Is he mad??? I’m glad Ryker opposed it, especially what he’s been through. I recommend making the flashback a summary instead of the whole thing because people who read the prologue before would just skip it. It would be good if you made it like one paragraph or two, so you wouldn’t bore the reader. That’s my opinion!
Reading ON!
Oh! A family was playing on the sand when Angelo went for a swim. I love the details here, they make me imagine the family very clearly inside my mind. OMG. And guess what she found??? THE GOPRO CAMERA from Ryker falling in!!!
I still wonder what happened to him and how he got saved...I recommend KEEP FREAKING WRITING.
Happy Reading, Happy Writing, and Happy RevMo!!
Love,
CATS

thank you for the review!! but sorryyyy!!! this is not after the prologue its the backstory of why they went to the Bermuda triangle! Ryker wont be found for some time!!

User avatar
Rooke
Review
Rooke wrote a review · Fri May 30, 2025 8:27 am

Hello! It's the guy with black cows for a profile again, here to leave a review. Today's review will probably be just like the others; a mix of subjective and objective, a little saccharine, and, well, Rooke-like in general. Enjoy!

First of all, this is a very promising start to a series, especially because I like mysteries and horror. There's a lot of detail here and there, so the story feels quite slow paced, and you're given time to feel the fear of stuff happening in the story before it moves on to the next part. Also, where did you get the idea to make names like these? I didn't even know these were real names!

Speaking about the unique names, I wonder what Angelo's gonna do in the story. I mean, what's a kid gonna do against some murderous entity in the Bermuda Triangle? It really piques a few big questions in my mind, and I like it. You know how to make people desperate for answers. I'd like it if this end in a big ol' sea monster clash, but that's up for you to decide.

The plot isn't something new or flashy, but I do like these concepts where other people find recordings of an anomaly. I don't know if people consider them underrated, overrated, or stellar, so let me just say I like it. Then again, I'm not too good at judging if a movie or story is good or bad, so you probably shouldn't listen to this. I want to say a lot of other good things, but I just can't think of the words (blanking, ykyk).

On to a bit of improvements. You could make the timestamps shorter, say, just a few weeks instead of five months. Because the surprise that Ryker had expressed made it like it was a last-minute warning to something they barely planned for, while in reality, they had almost half a year to do so. It was also pretty funny (in the strange sense) that they died as soon as they came into contact with the water.

Well to finish it off, I'll say it again. Good potential series, and please continue. I just hate and love cliffhangers so much. Thank you for reading this review, and cheers!

I'm happy someone liked the names I picked! I worked hard to look for them, I got the names off the baby name website The Bump, and I picked the names based off their ethnicity! I'm glad you liked this! Thank you for the review.

Random avatar
Ravena
Review
Ravena wrote a review · Wed May 28, 2025 9:59 pm

Hello, My Friend!

It’s me, Raven, and I’m here to review this short story, using my Familiar method! Let’s dive right in, shall we?

What The Black Eyes See
~ A full analysis and breakdown


Alright, we got a diving story! Who doesn't love a bit of thalassophobia fuel, right? Lol, but for real, I thought this was a cool story! I like the way you set it up with the diving buddies and Ryker, dive right in (pun not intended) to the grit of it with things quickly going wrong, and ending with a simple, deceptive beach day and that eerie ending. Let's get into the details though.

Plot and Pacing: Great! It's a nice length, no gimmicks or plot holes, I liked that! I do think, for the amount of setup, the dive and the terror surrounding it was a little short in comparison. But it also kinda works with the overall mystery theme of the story, so I can't complain! Especially knowing some of the superstitions and beliefs about the Bermuda Triangle, it leaves the reader wondering: did Ryker encounter a creature, a supernatural phenomenon, or was this something natural—like a gnarly equipment failure and/or nitrogen narcosis? I honestly enjoy that aspect a lot! :D

Descriptions and Setting: Lovely! The beach and the ocean had especially nice descriptions. The feeling as things go wrong on the dive, and Ryker starts feeling the symptoms, is super cool. Likewise, I really enjoyed the character descriptions for Angelo's family!

Characterization: I think you did a good job giving each character their own personality, while still showing off their relationships. Details like the multilingual bickering, the cute nickname on Lonny's phone, heck even the sand-kicking and seashell collecting were a very nice form of "show don't tell" in terms of establishing those bonds and friendships between each character.

Grammar and Wording: Good! Okay, so this is just my opinion, so please take only what you want from it and consider the rest just the rambling of a crazy corvid lol. There are a couple of minor, more specific things that I dropped into the next section, but overall, there was mainly just one thing I wanted to remark on for this section:

Past vs present tense. This didn't happen too often, but I did pick up some discrepancies between past and present-tense terms. So for example, here:
He didn't mind school, but he also doesn't like it, there was always too much work to do in such little time, he just hopes he doesn't get homework on the first day of school, he despises teachers who do such acts.

So the overall story feels intended to be told in past-tense, so it would say Angelo didn't mind school. But then it says he doesn't mind. I think it would help to keep descriptions and exposition completely in past-tense.

But still, the overall writing quality was very good, and again, this just my opinion and I'm not a pro! <3

Where The Dagger Points
~ Some nitpicks and little recommendations


Alright, so here is where I put more specific, minor stuff that doesn't quite fit in the breakdown. And there's not much to put here at all! Let’s break it down…

5 Months later…


To help separate this indicator from the rest of the story, I think it'd be nice to italicize and/or bolt-type it.

Once he got it off it slipped out of his through his fingers.


Looks like a bit of sentence-splicing happened here (been there, I get this so often when I'm editing lol). I think just removing either the "through his" or "out of his" will help.

That’s all! Great writing job ~

Why The Grin Widened
~ My reactions, theories, and favorite parts


Oh boy, where to begin?! Well, I already kinda mentioned my main theory material. I really can't be too sure what Ryker saw in his time under the water, and the fact that we never see what's on the GoPro just adds to the mystery! Ooo, I love endings like that!

As for some highlights, reactions, and some things that stood out as I read...

“Well Andrea, I can proudly say that my crew and I are going on an expedition! We’re going to swim in the Bermuda Triangle!” Lonny spread his arms out wide as if to make his point.


Okay, as soon as I read that, I was like...Well, first of all, "OH HECK NO," but that's just because ocean stuff creeps me out lol. With the mention of such a notorious location though, you just know something's going to go wrong, so you're just cringing in your seat lol.

Ryker was cuddling with Gio, Nori was somehow unbothered on the side of the bed she slept on while Lonny was falling out the bed with each growing second.


I thought this was a really funny way to show their status as friends! I mean, all of them passing out drunk in the same room...These guys sound like quite the dive team already! XD

She started to say her outro for the show but Ryker wasn’t listening to it, all he heard was the beeping of an ended call.


I love the bit of tension brought on here, as it makes you wonder not only if Ryker will follow through with the plan, but if and how it will impact his decisions on the dive.

Thunder crashed in the sky, the boat had left the Arecibo Harbor under an hour ago and the sky was already dark and black. Water crashed against the bow as the boat wafted through the ocean. The hum of the motor filled the ears of everyone on board.


Awesome description! I very much appreciate your attention to sensory notes too. They make for such immersive settings ^^

“Nori… I know I said I would sign up for Japanese classes, but… I kinda forgot? Could you repeat that in English?” groaned Ryker, his German accent came out thicker through coms, he was Nori’s apprentice.


I thought it was a super cool and interesting detail that the team seems to come from such different backgrounds! Makes you wonder how they became a team lol. Also, your use of different languages was AMAZING!!

He felt a current push him slightly, signaling something was behind him. His eyes widened, pupils dilating, as a terrible and deafening scream was in his ears. The sound caused him to freeze, almost like he was paralyzed by it, he started sinking down into the deep dark blue,


Ooo, this was SOO creepy!! On one hand, terrifying. On the other, super cool for a story!

Once he got it off it slipped out of his through his fingers. The camera quickly began rising to the top as Ryker kept sinking, his dive light flickered out.


Firstly, the imagery this invokes is freaking terrifying and eerie on so many levels. Secondly, I thought it was a very interesting move for Ryker to unclip his camera. It sounds like, whatever he saw, he wanted someone to discover it...Another clue that really gets you thinking about the mystery.

The drawing he made was of some strange battle between some alien looking creature, and… he didn't know what the other thing was…(he just decided it was another alien).


I thought this was a funny and cute detail. Like, who hasn't been there as a kid, right? XD

He disregarded the bag and started pulling the seaweed off. The seaweed smelled horrible. He got all the seaweed off. What it was had confused and shocked him. It was a GoPro camera...


I'll say it again, this was an awesome way to end the story!!

Our Mad Thoughts...


Overall, that made for an awesome read, I really enjoyed that! And for your second YWS project overall, that is extremely impressive! Nicely done! :D


Thus concludes my review. To leave off, here are some inspiring quotes, courtesy of your resident Poe freak ~

"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."



The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal.
— H. L. Mencken