E - Everyone

Black and White (Revised) - Part Three

‘Bring me what I need,’ the Sphinx instructed the armed men, one of whom strode to the large cabinet directly behind her and briefly searched around inside it before returning with a tray laden with four crystal glasses and two small bottles. He laid it beside the tea tray and left with his comrade when she nodded. ‘My kind is ferocious, yet benevolent,’ she explained, her guests still frozen in confused terror. Their confusion increased when she smiled warmly. ‘I am indeed who you think me to be, and I have judged you as respectful and patient. My act is a necessity when conducting business, but once your intentions became clear, I chose to maintain it to determine your demeanours. Now that I have, may I ask to what ends you seek the fountain? I make a point of studying the background of those who wish to speak with me, and though your histories are familiar to me, your drives are not.’

Ross and Seth were dumbstruck. As earlier, Ross spoke first, equally as hesitant as before. ‘If shared responsibly with the world, the Fountain of Youth could heal society and guide humanity along a better path.’

The Sphinx became pensive. ‘You are not the first valiant soul to have sought it for that purpose, and you will not be the last. I regret to disappoint you, but I cannot allow the fountain’s existence to become public knowledge. Regardless of your pure intentions, the consequences would be calamitous.’

Ross was distraught. ‘But, Your Grace, can you not even allow us to collect some of its water and distribute it to our discretion?’

‘By custom, the guardian of the fountain may not reveal certain details to those who have yet to drink from its waters, but what I am allowed to share, I shall.’ She stroked the cloth around her waist. ‘Since time immemorial, the exact nature of the Fountain of Youth has been shrouded in doubt. The truth, however, overshadows the fiction.

‘A single drop will suffice to grant eternal life, and yes, youth, to those who taste it, and it will additionally heal even the gravest of injuries and cure even the most debilitating of diseases. However, one must drink from the fountain itself, for removing the water from its source will render it impotent. You cannot therefore carry its water with you for use in times of emergency or to share. The fountain’s gift is that of immortality, not invulnerability, and it is not yours to give.’

Drooping, Ross asked, ‘So ultimately, the fountain can only be used for selfish reasons?’

‘Not at all. I can share many a tale of the good to which one such as you has put their endless years.’ She directed her attention to Seth. ‘Yet your friend has neglected to answer my question.’

Deflated since he had re-entered, Seth asked tiredly, ‘Is it truly such an ignoble thing to wish for one’s memory to persist after the body has perished?’ He turned to Ross as he added, ‘I’ve only ever echoed your own motivation back at you when you asked me what I would do if we found it. You are the one who has dedicated all of his life to its pursuit.’ Looking back at the Sphinx, he confessed, ‘I was born with all I could ever need, yet I spent my time chasing material riches and comforts. As the adage goes, I knew the price of everything, yet the value of nothing. I was lost for a time, but then Ross reminded me of “our” dream. If we discovered the Fountain of Youth, our names would be remembered forever. A legacy — that’s the only hope left for me.’

‘That’s not true!’ Ross interjected. ‘Does our friendship mean nothing to you?’

‘It is perhaps the only meaningful thing left in his life,’ the Sphinx answered on Seth’s behalf, surprising both boys. ‘And it is why, even though he has been the denied the legacy he sought, he will willingly drink from this.’ She motioned towards the two bottles on the new tray, filled respectively with a brown and a colourless liquid. ‘If it is still your desire, I shall administer the trial.’

‘It is, Your Grace,’ Ross responded. Seth offered no contradiction.

The Sphinx placed a glass in front of each of them and filled a third of it with the substance. Seth pulled it closer and waved the fumes towards him. ‘It’s not alcohol or acid. It could be poison.’

The Sphinx found his proclamation somewhat amusing, as evidenced by her wry smile. ‘If I had wanted to poison you, I would have done so using the tea. To be sure, this serum could kill you, so your wariness is justified. It will be swift and painless, but you would die all the same.’

‘And if it doesn’t, Your Grace?’ Seth asked dryly, having caught on to Ross’ arrangement, but clearly caring little for courtesy beyond it.

‘Then it will induce a state of suspended awareness, during which you will be subjected to a reality of my choosing. Your actions during the described scenario will determine the outcome.’

‘What determines our survival?’

‘Luck or destiny, however you prefer to perceive it.’

Seth gave Ross a resigned shrug. ‘Luck or destiny.’ He downed his glass’ contents and frowned at the taste. He turned to Ross, but suddenly dropped the glass and heavily leaned back against his chair. He stared ahead of him, his eyes wide and his pupils dilated, yet making not a single sound.

‘He lives,’ the Sphinx commented, returning the rolling glass to its tray.

Ross collected his glass with more reluctance, but followed Seth’s lead. He placed it on the tray, paused, and raised his hand to his throat. Bending over, he made very slight choking noises before gasping for air and sitting upright. His breathing was shallow and his pupils as dilated as his friend’s, but he otherwise seemed to have recovered.

The Sphinx sighed. ‘It is early summer — the perfect time for a cruise in the Eastern Pacific. After departing from Los Angeles, the first few days aboard the luxury liner proved to be all you had hoped. You were certainly disappointed when a storm brewed on the horizon, but you were assured it wouldn’t interfere. Not only was the claim false, but the storm evolved into a nightmarish tempest within the same day.

‘The culmination of all your fears was when the ship capsized. By a stroke of fate still beyond your comprehension, you and three other passengers had managed to escape on an inflatable life raft. The first was an aged lady, who had been sharing anecdotes of her grandchildren’s antics since the start of the cruise; the second was your best friend, whose support carried you through many hardships since childhood; and the third was your soul mate, a stranger who shared your views and passions and who you knew would love you to the end of your days. It was impossible to tell if others had escaped, for the storm was all-encompassing.

‘Drenched and exhausted, you clung to the raft and your fellow survivors with every last ounce of your will, for the hunger of the crashing waves was frightfully clear. You had been subjected to the oceanic wrath for maybe an hour — the exact time mattered little, as your torment knew no bounds — when a light pierced the howling darkness. It passed by several times before finding your hapless raft. Though the helicopter agitated the surf even further, your heart leapt; salvation had come!

‘A ladder descended, and with it, a noble soul who risked his own life to bring you and your fellows to safety. He shouted instructions, but they were meaningless in the face of the sea surging towards you. Of your number, you were the only one who saw the tidal monstrosity coming, and you lunged for the man just in time. The raft flipped and sent the other survivors to their watery doom, but all was not yet lost. Each managed to cling to the overturned raft and extended their arms towards you in a desperate plea. Your rescuer bade you to climb up the ladder, but you spied another colossal wave incoming. There was time to save one more individual before it would hit.

‘Making your decision, you reached down and grasped an outstretched hand. The mariner assisted you in pulling its owner from the writhing abyss, and though you made to save another, he shouted a warning: the ladder would not take more than three. You looked on helplessly as the wave broke.

‘Wiping the brine from your eyes, you noticed the profound absence of your two other companions. You climbed up the ladder but did not delight in the safety of the helicopter’s interior, instead scanning the churning froth below. The mariner lamented the low-running fuel, and you knew a moment of great sorrow. Even as you left them behind, you prayed with all your heart that a miracle would preserve your lost fellows.’

The Sphinx exhaled erratically and banished the waver in her tone. ‘You take and hold a deep breath before releasing it. As you do, you return to your rightful body and find yourself grounded in the present.’

Ross blinked rapidly and Seth, panting, cradled his head as each regained full consciousness and attempted to dispel his stupor. Once they succeeded, Ross patted Seth’s shoulder and grinned in relief. Seth nodded his thanks.

‘What do you remember of your ordeal?’ the Sphinx asked.

A frown of scorn turned to a frown of confusion as Seth opened his mouth to speak. ‘We were in danger?’ he answered stupidly. ‘I remember water — water everywhere.’

‘I had to make an important decision,’ Ross added, ‘but I don’t recall what.’

‘Within a minute, you will have forgotten even that,’ the Sphinx informed them. ‘This is to ensure none can warn others of what they might anticipate when under the effect of the serum.’ She placed the two clean glasses in front of them and filled it with the brown liquid. ‘This is karkadeh, a tea made from dried hibiscus sepals and served cold. The bitter herb I have added will temporarily allow you to recall your experience under the serum’s influence, as well as counteract the tea’s extreme sweetness.’

Seth and Ross eagerly drained their glasses. The former’s expression became contorted, while the latter shivered. ‘Sweet indeed,’ Ross affirmed.

‘Which of your companions did you save?’ the Sphinx asked, moving straight to the subject at hand.

‘The grandmother,’ Ross responded. Seth made a choking noise and quickly averted his gaze.

‘And you?’ the Sphinx asked Seth, beating Ross to reacting. ‘Need I even ask?’

Looking anywhere but at either of them, he shook his head and forced out a strained, ‘No.’

Ross made to say something, but the Sphinx cut him off yet again. ‘Kindness and loyalty,’ she observed. ‘Both virtues in their own right. Regrettably—’

‘My sincerest apologies for the interruption, Your Grace, but I did not stop there.’ Ross bared his teeth in an apologetic smile. ‘After I pulled the old lady from the water, I jumped back into the sea.’

Seth’s gaze snapped to Ross. ‘You did what?!’

‘I couldn’t leave you behind!’ Ross protested. Seth quailed by way of response. ‘When the mariner told me the ladder could take only three, I knew I had to save you too, so I jumped into the water, helped you swim closer, and boosted you up. I dove beneath the raft and grasped my lover’s hand just before the wave hit. That way, the lady would get to see her grandchildren again and you would live to pursue our dream for both our sakes. If my love and I survived the storm, then we would seek you together; if we did not, then we truly were united until the end of our days.’

Seth’s expression was an unreadable mix of emotions. The Sphinx, however, was merely stunned. ‘How did you interpret the ending of the scenario?’

‘I followed it from Seth’s perspective,’ Ross answered confidently. ‘I found solace in his prayer for my safety.’

The Sphinx folded her hand over her mouth and gazed at him in amazement. ‘Incredible. Even in the face of nature’s fury, your instincts drive you to pursue the interests of others above your own.’

‘Selfless through and through,’ Seth commented, looking down at his hands and rotating a ring around his middle finger.

‘My deductive reasoning functions well enough,’ Ross said, looking from Seth to the Sphinx. ‘If it’s all the same to you, Your Grace, I would rather be denied my dream than betray my best friend.’

The Sphinx nodded gravely. ‘I expect nothing less of you, and even though I would caution you, I realise your mind has been made.’ She rose and approached the large cabinet herself, collecting a silver ankh and a wooden wand. Returning the two empty glasses to the tray, she placed the two items on the centre of the desk and stated, ‘You will both be allowed to access the fountain.’

Seth stared incredulously, but Ross gave him an anxious look and said nervously, ‘Your Grace, words cannot possibly… we cannot even begin to express our gratitude. But… why were you so surprised? I defied you, yet it would appear to be the only way of winning Your Grace’s favour. And Seth did not, yet my trust in him satisfies you.’

The Sphinx looked thoughtful. ‘To be a guardian of the fountain is to accept the world’s greatest responsibility. We must exercise our discretion and often study an individual for decades before making a decision. This method is inefficient, so I have devised many ways to measure the worthiness of a candidate objectively, of which this serum,’ she indicated the bottle again, ‘is my only success. It has been so successful, in fact, that as of yet, only one person has ever defeated my clever trap.’ She smiled affectionately and gently laid her hand on his. ‘I am surprised, because I did not know how this could be achieved.’ She then lifted his hand and placed it next to the ankh so that his fingers touched it.

‘What is this, Your Grace?’ Ross asked softly. Seth seemed just as curious, but kept still and silent.

‘It is a charm to ensure fidelity. I shall reveal the location of the Fountain of Youth only while we touch this, which will render you unable to share that information with anyone who does not already possess it.’ She considered Seth. ‘I include you not only because your friend will require your assistance in reaching the fountain, but because he will redeem you.’ She gestured with her free hand for him to touch the ankh.

He reached forward, but stopped just shy of touching the talisman. After hesitating a moment longer, he gingerly rested his fingers on it. ‘Thank you, Your Grace. Sincerely.’

The Sphinx nodded, but offered no smile. ‘The fountain’s current location is what is known in Tonga as “Mosi-oa-Tunya”.’

The Smoke That Thunders…’ Ross translated dreamily. ‘An ideal site for the Fountain of Youth.’

‘The Victoria Falls are not stationary,’ Seth pointed out. ‘They have moved several times in the past and are already moving again. Should they not be farther south, Your Grace, at one of the other gorges?’

‘Your scepticism is well-founded,’ the Sphinx conceded. ‘The fountain hails from Africa, and Africa is where it resides now, but… it can be moved.’ She spoke those last words with great reluctance. ‘More than that, you do not need to know.’ She picked up the wand and offered it to Ross on an open palm. ‘The moon waxes tonight still, but tomorrow, it will be full. Using its light as guidance, approach the waterfall from the patch of land known as “Livingstone Island”. Hold the wand over the cliff’s edge and ask the fountain, using any phrasing that pleases you, to reveal the way leading to it. Move west, past the feature known as the “Devil’s Pool”, and you will find a staircase. The rest is straightforward.’

Ross accepted the wand and gazed at it curiously. The Sphinx rose and returned the ankh to its resting place. She then moved to a smaller cabinet to the side and produced a small jar containing irregular chunks of a powdery white substance, which she placed on the desk. Both young men raised their eyebrows at it, but asked no questions. Instead, Ross lifted the wand and asked, ‘What kind of wood is this, Your Grace?’

‘It comes from the Tree of Life,’ the Sphinx answered cryptically. ‘It is ancient, and after you have used it, I shall need it back. Come see me again two days from now, the same time as today.’

Ross was slightly taken aback. ‘Oh? Does Your Grace wish to see us again?’

She smiled warmly, indicating she did. ‘As you ought to recall, I mentioned there are certain affairs I cannot discuss with you until you have received the fountain’s blessing. It is best that you conclude that matter first.’ She gestured for him to rise, and he obeyed. ‘It has been a pleasure making your acquaintance, Ross White. I hope to see you again soon.’

Though he was reluctant to depart without Seth, who remained seated, Ross bowed deeply. ‘Likewise, Your Grace.’

The Sphinx only permitted Seth to stand once they were alone. ‘It is disgraceful for a host to insult a guest,’ she stated solemnly. ‘Seth Black, I judged you for who I thought you to be, not for who you truly are. I present you with fruit from the baobab as a token of my sincere regret.’ She offered the jar with a graceful bow. Seth, caught wholly by surprise, simply accepted the gift. ‘May you find peace.’

‘Your Grace,’ Seth said, bowing earnestly. ‘Farewell.’

Outside, Ross sighed in relief when his friend appeared. ‘What did she say? And what’s that?’

Seth cocked his head and viewed the jar. ‘An apology.’ He stashed it, as well as the wand, in his briefcas.

‘How noble of her,’ Ross remarked, giving the two stoic guards one final, nervous glance before determinedly looking away.

‘Did you still want to sample the “national dish of Egypt”?’ Seth asked, regarding Ross with a grin when he saw the attendant from earlier repeat his demonstration for a new group of people.

Ross grinned back. ‘As if you could stop me.’

Comments & reviews · 4
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TheSilverFox
Review

Not only was the claim false, but the storm evolved into a nightmarish tempest within the same day.


The dates don't line up, but I can't help but think of this storm, because I'm a big damn nerd.

Also, why do you have to make me feel so many feelings? Every time I finish reading/reviewing a part, I feel certain that I know what's going to happen next. Then you decide "lol, let's give my audience the mother of all twists" and radically change the nature of the story. Between Part 1 and Part 2, you go from a (relatively) straightforward plane flight with two friends/possible romantic partners to magic realism, riddles, and guilt. Part 3 adds to that by the brilliant fake-out you write, followed by an even more complex game, which serves to create suspense, develop Ross and Seth's personality, and rip my heart out. As you can imagine, I'm not complaining - each part surprises me and keeps a death grip on my interest. This one certainly has to be my favorite one so far, for a lot of the reasons I've specified above. In particular, the bit with the serum is beautifully executed, but I'll focus on that a bit later. I'd rather like to say The Sphinx's comments at the end of Part 2, when considering her kindness and friendliness in this Part, suggests that even getting them alarmed was yet another test. Which makes her subsequent interest in Seth and Ross's desires and personalities make all the more sense, and makes her gift to Seth at the end all the more touching.

And it's those nuances and details in Seth and Ross's personalities that catch my attention. In part, that's because of how The Sphinx apologizes to Seth at the end. Really, both Seth and Ross manifest a combination of intelligent and compassionate, but show it in different ways. Ross successfully defeats an unbeatable game by doing the single most benevolent thing possible - maximizing the number of other lives saved while staying behind with the person he loves. Seth, meanwhile, has plenty of fear and self-preservation, but Ross and The Sphinx can see the guilt and depression that eats up Seth during the rest of this part. While gem nerd is going around and being perfect, Seth feels both unloving and an idiot, ironically proving that he is neither. Were he either, he would never have cared. He's not all that different from Ross, he's just far more reserved and scared. Ross aspires to higher dreams, while Seth rides on Ross's coattails and is afraid to jeopardize either his position or his friendship with Ross. So, even though Seth is easily the more charismatic and wealthier (by the way, nice job explaining where they were getting all that money from!) guy, he's also a pretty emotional dude. Aaaand as relatable (that is a word, spell-checker, shut up) as his emotions are, I can't help but feel a lot of sympathy for him.

Since it's the serum that brings about all this character development, I've got to give it two huge thumbs-up. The same can be said for all the plot-clarifying questions The Sphinx answers, the prospect of visiting Victoria Falls, the use of the ankh, and the boys' excitement at the end. I'd also like to apologize for trying to constantly ship Seth and Ross - based on Ross's recollections, it appears he views Seth as more of a friend than a romantic partner. Because I am incapable of distinguishing even some of the less subtle differences between romantic and platonic affection, that's on me. But yeah, this was enjoyable to read from start to finish, and I'm finding myself more in love with this story - well done!

P.S.: "He stashed it, as well as the wand, in his briefcas." needs a slight correction (honestly, I'm just amazed I could find any grammar/spelling problems whatsoever, you were always much better at that than I could ever be). :P

I forgive your nerdiness. XD

Speaking of forgiveness, I must ask for yours with regards to the rollercoaster of a work this is proving to be for you. I'm not in the least sorry for it, but I apologise anyway! (I do like my plots complex, and designing and executing a twist well is sooo satisfying!) Thanks for the feedback on how the parts differ from each other in terms of mood, since that's something that wasn't emphasised as much in the other reviews. I'm delighted this part is your favourite, especially since you provide excellent reasons for it. And the Sphinx was as much fun to write as Seth and Ross themselves, and the constant shifting in her behaviour made it all the more enjoyable. I just love character depth, and giving that to characters is amazing.

I'll jump ahead and address the horrible typo that I made (it will be addressed swiftly) now already: I don't at all mind the lack of technical criticism, since your analyses and feedback on the story and characters itself gives me a greater insight into the minds of my intelligent readers, which is something I can't get anywhere else but from reviews. So thanks for that! It makes me feel warm inside reading someone praise my characters for the nuances I so carefully crafted. The contrast between Seth and Ross especially is the main theme of the story, since it's even referenced in the title.

Oh, I did mention where Seth got his wealth? Neat! I couldn't remember precisely. And yeah, I definitely wanted Ross to appear detestably nice and innocent, while Seth is generally more flawed and relatable. The serum was the perfect way to do that. Also, don't worry about the shipping - you're just a sucker for love, and that's both okay and adorable. ;P

As I said earlier in the review and at the end of the previous reviews, thanks for the feedback! I'm happy I don't need to wait to read each following review.

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Carina
Review
Carina wrote a review · Thu Feb 08, 2018 7:20 am

Back for round three! I confess, it's really late here and I'm really tired, so this review will probably not be as detailed as the others. That, and I'm running out of critiques -- which is a good thing! Anyways, I went ahead and read the reviews again and smirked when I finally saw Buggie's comment that basically said the opposite of what I was saying in the first chapter.

I know, I know, it's confusing because both our advice totally contradict each other. However, I'm also going to have to agree with her, but only because this chapter is really different from the first chapter. The first chapter seemed to introduce the characters and thus was character-driven. This third chapter is developing the plot and thus is plot-driven. But because it's plot-driven and this is a short story instead of a novel, sometimes it's information overload. It's really not your fault because it's a short story, so it would suck if you had to break this into ten chapters just to not feel rushed. However, the overwhelming feeling of having an info-dump can be reduced by adding in details of what else is happening, similar to "little actions" in chapter one. Or, ya know, the sensory details I always rave about. There aren't as many here, so adding those in between the dialogue would be superb. Also, for clarification, the info-dump parts would be where there's a long quote of something said by, say, the Sphinx. I really don't think "info-dump" is the right word here since it's more of feeling overwhelmed with the amount of info given rather than like "OMG SO MANY WORDS I DON'T CARE" but ya know.

Oooo speaking of clarifications, here are some parts I thought would need some clarifying:

- So at the beginning, Sphinx was like, "loljk I ain't gonna kill you." She seemed irritated in the last chapter, so was she just trolling them? lol
- It wasn't clear who Seth saved at the ship scene, though I could infer that it was his bff Ross. Who was the third person he saved?
- This is going to sound like a dumb point here probably because I'm so tired right now, but to be clear, the following events happened, right: argue about the intentions of fountain, got hypnotized so Sphinx could find their true intentions, she was inspired by their friendship and pureness, they're going to the fountain. Please do correct me if I'm wrong! But if I'm right, I thought the first part was a bit muddy and rushed. Though again, it could totally be me being a sucky reader who gets things at the beginning slowly lol

Also, EMOTIONS! I'd love to see more emotion at the beginning when Ross was all, "But our frandship!!" And maybe have Seth inspired that he would essentially sacrifice himself to save his best friend. Stuff like that will also take away from the info-dump feel and make words flow more naturally.

That's pretty all the critique I have. I liked how you incorporated the karkadeh after the serum. It wasn't necessarily a needed detail, but it was a detail that gave a nice, realistic touch. Same with the ankh, though I suppose that is more necessary so they don't blab to everyone about the fountain. :p

And their friendship. SO SWEET. I totally knew that one of them was going to show their friend loyalty in the ship scene. And actually, contrary to the other review, I enjoyed the ship scene the way it was. I dunno, I thought the second-person "you" made it seem like I was on the ship. Also, I liked how they slowly recalled their events and the reader follows along with it as well. It would be nice to break the dialogue up to not have a blocky chunk that some could interpret as an info-dump, but really, I like the how you set it up. The detail on the shipwreck was awesome too -- I felt like I was on wreckage of the Titanic. xD

Hmm. That jar of fruit. IT'S NOT GOING TO BE GOOD. I'm going to predict that in the next chapter, Seth brings the jar of fruit with him to their journey in Africa for whatever reason, and it's going to haunt them. Or something. Haunted fruit? Cursed fruit? lol I honestly have no idea but I'm tellin' ya, there's some foreshadowing. And I see it. And if I'm right, I'll probably die of laughter...and amazement of my oracle skills. No spoilers! :P

Well, hope this helps! You were right; this chapter is certainly more exciting. And I bet the last and final one is even more so. :D

Yes, welcome!


1.1 It doesn't reveal too much about you, really, since everybody would pick someone, which in the end would show which they valued more: kindness, loyalty, or (romantic) love. But it still fits the trope, yeah, so I'm glad you found it interesting! To be clear, the serum itself simply caused a hallucination; it was the Sphinx who constructed the scenario. (The trial is, in fact, based off a similar story my brother told me a year or two ago.)

1.2 Again, thanks for the kind feedback! Their relationship is one of the main themes in the short story, so I'm delighted whenever somebody comments positively on it.


2.1 Everybody keeps saying that, which I shall accept as a compliment; it means my characters have enough depth that people want to see their reactions. As I explained to Buggie (Ventomology), though, your request is impossible because of the parameters I set for this work. And also spoilers, as you now know. XD


The last section is indeed next! As previously, thank you for the review!

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Ventomology
Review

Aww, that's a cute way to end the section. I love it. Also I have that foreboding feeling that I'm about to like, break down sobbing.

Technical Comments:

1. Hmmm... I feel like there are a lot of adverbs in this chapter. And they're specifically used in a lot of your dialogue tags. You could probably get away with just fewer tags in general, honestly.

2. I noticed that you referenced nearby people in this chapter, but the setting sort of disappeared. Remember that people constantly interact with their surroundings! (If you wonder what kind of things I pick up in architecture coursework, this is it) This is your excuse to comment on small setting details occasionally, even after you've established the overall mood and scenery, to give your reader a reminder or make note of any details that were too superfluous for the original setting description.

Also I just couldn't remember where the cabinet was, and that threw off my these-characters-interact-from-these-places line of thought.

Plot, Characterization, and Misc. Items:

1. Did I mention that the conclusion of this section is cute? It's so cute. ; )

2. I sort of disliked the way you went about the trials? I think I would have preferred to experience it with Seth, sort of how it was in the first section. Like, the Sphinx has some really cool wordsmithing, but I think actually feeling things at the same time as Seth and seeing and interpreting things as he does is more effective.

3. Also the pacing just seems a little weird to me. Like, I feel like this one interaction with the Sphinx is too little to result in a Eureka moment. And though logically I know Ross and Seth have spent a long time searching for the spring, it doesn't feel that way.

4. I do like the differences between Ross and Seth's successes in the trial though. More excellent foreshadowing, and a really handy way to reveal a little more about how each of them thinks.

And now for the last part!
-Buggie

For posterity: discussion continued in private.


1.1 Sure? This is valid critcism, but I don't think I can do much about it but say, "Okay, thanks" for now. I'll keep this in mind for future edits.

1.2 That's decent advice. I included a bit more of that at the end, but I'll remember this for future works.

1.3 Eh, the largest cabinet is behind the Sphinx, while the other cabinets are beside it. It wasn't really necessary to know the particulars, and the characters didn't focus on that anyway, so I felt like it would break away from my intention to describe the room in more detail (since that would be ignoring the Sphinx, which neither Seth nor Ross did at any point).


2.1 I'm happy to hear that. ^_^

2.2 Mmm, I understand why you'd say that, and Tortwag echoed this comment too. However, I specifically experimented with changes in perspective in the short story, and this whole section was written in an objective manner. Due to the narrator I chose, it would have been inappropriate to focus on either of their experiences during the trial. It would also have removed from the surprise in the final section, which you might understand better now, having read it.

2.3 It's just the way the short story is structured, then. I'm sorry about that.

2.4 Thanks! Yeah, I preferred to focus on that, and this way, it also suits my intention better.


Thanks for the review!



Russets and tangerine shades of old gold flushing the very outside edge of the senses ... deep shining ochres, burnt umber and parchments of baked earth—reflecting on itself and through itself, filtering the light.
— Guildenstern (Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard)