Elated by the birth of a new day, the heavens shrugged off their black and indigo mourning robes and donned ones of a more jovial nature, pink and gold by preference. Such was the magnificence of their celebratory attire and the vehemence of their rejoicing that no mortal eye could behold it for too long. So instead, the mortal gaze shifted to the west, where even the stars departed before the glorious swathes of light.
The splendour was simply too enthralling for some though, as one Ross White could not remove his transfixed gaze from the east. His companion however, one Seth Black, had no such troubles and was as indifferent to the brilliant display as the plane which carried them inexorably to the south. No, Seth Black was too involved with his own thoughts to be bothered by such trivia as the rotation of a planet.
His thoughts encompassed the usual array of mundane subjects, wealth and power naturally being the most prominent. Although stereotyping him as the usual ambitious human was rather unfair, he was ambitious nevertheless. He desired not power, for power was equal to the influence brought about by wealth, and of that, he had plenty – the private jet carrying him and his friend to Livingstone Maramba Airport was proof enough. No, Seth desired something else. He sought that which had fascinated him and his best friend, Ross, since their childhood: The Fountain of Youth.
Many an adventurer had gone off in search of it, but none had ever been successful. What Seth and Ross believed made their case unique was their disbelief in the Fountain’s presence in Europe or the Americas. If Africa was the “Cradle of Mankind,” then surely that which would grant eternal life was also to be found there? Alas, the duo had yet to find the proof to substantiate their claim.
Seth was a realist and aware of the likelihood of failure, and had suffered many plights; was it not for his optimistic friend’s ever-present encouragement and support, he would have lost hope long ago. Ross had endured many troubles of his own, being descended from a less wealthy family, but not a single complaint was ever heard from him. Seth had always concluded that Ross’ worries were therefore far fewer and of much less consequence, but perhaps, had he been as a good a listener as Ross, his opinion might have differed.
At least Seth readily admitted that Ross had devoted everything he had to their cause. Though Seth did what research he could, it was Ross who spent sleepless nights researching a potential lead. Every attempt had resulted in disappointment hitherto, but it merely glanced off Ross, or so it seemed, and he enthusiastically descended upon the next opportunity which presented itself. It was therefore no surprise when Ross had approached Seth and had belatedly informed him that their greatest chance of finding the Fountain lived in Alexandria.
It was from Alexandria from whence they had departed earlier that morning, and indeed, it seemed that fate had finally smiled upon the pair. Ross was literally and figuratively among the clouds, but Seth was filled with anxiety, which had resulted in an apprehensive and dissatisfying sleep.
He glanced at his friend sitting across the aisle. Gazing out of his window and at the azure sky, Ross seemed to be enraptured by cloud formations.
Seth envied his friend’s ability to find joy in such simple things. Though his ambition was a gift, as it gave him the determination and strength of will to both pursue his goals and achieve them, it was also a curse; he, like so many others, was doomed to live a discontented life, never being satisfied with what they had, forever coveting something else, something more.
It was thoughts such as those that made him melancholic, so Seth put them aside and rather dreamt of his Fountain. The desire to be remembered, to have a legacy, was integrated into human nature, and it was definitely one he hosted.
He would have his place in history, no matter the cost.
II
The marketplace of Alexandria was always bustling, but more so during the summer than at any other time. Carts displaying exquisite jewellery were to be seen on some of the streets, their golden necklaces and silver rings glinting in the sunlight, but most of the stands sold only trivia. These included such things as small, decorated chests, exotic idols of Ancient Egyptian gods and goddesses, models of the pyramids, and copious other, usually shiny, trinkets. The two Caucasian boys who strolled through the various stalls simply ignored the cries of the numerous vendors, however, and made directly for a large burgundy tent.
Inside, the air was just as warm as outside the tent, though it was far less arid, but rather hot; saffron, cayenne pepper, and other exotic spices were being sold, their wafting scents so strong, one could actually taste it. Ross slowed his pace and delighted in the piquant aromas, but Seth merely wrinkled his nose and dragged Ross on – they had business to conduct. Careful not to disturb the perusing patrons, the two boys approached the back of the tent, where another section was separated by hanging strings of claret and imperial purple beads which acted as a screen.
Said section wherein their contact – The Sphinx – resided, was littered with bowls of incense; filling the air with a lovely fragrance and creating an ambience of peace. Upon entering, though they did not realise it, both Seth and Ross had visibly relaxed.
Many handsome artefacts were also scattered across the room, some on tables, others in chests and cabinets, but they were all rendered diminutive and insignificant by the regal Egyptian who stood in the middle of the room. Her hair was black as midnight and cut in the style ancient Egyptian women were often depicted as wearing. Her skin was radiant and smooth as jade. Much gold and turquoise jewellery embellished her hands, arms and neck, and she wore jewelled scarabs as earrings. At a glance, one could tell the gold and crimson garment she wore around her breast was made from silk of the finest quality. Yet her most prominent feature was neither her clothing nor her jewellery – instead of legs, she had the muscular body of a lioness.
The boys’ countenances reflected their inner thoughts; the satisfied Sphinx smiled. ‘You are my scheduled clients for today, Seth Black and Ross White, yes?’
Seth was the first to recover. ‘We are.’
She approached the desk in between her and the duo and sat down. ‘The fact that you are here means you know how valuable my time is. So, of how much value is it to you?’
Seth extracted a small pouch from one of his pockets and emptied the contents onto the desk. Twelve colourless, one-carat diamonds rolled out.
‘Alright,’ she responded, collecting the diamonds and dropping them into a pouch of her own, ‘you have my attention.’ She gestured to the two chairs opposite her. ‘Do sit down.’ The two did as they were instructed. ‘I apologise that you only now have the chance to discuss what you need from me; you must understand, in my business, secrecy is key. So, what may I do for you?’
‘Supposedly,’ Seth replied, ‘you have knowledge of the whereabouts of a certain spring which grants eternal life. We should very much like you to share it with us.’
The Sphinx scoffed. ‘You think twelve shiny peas are enough to purchase such precious information? No, that price you cannot afford. Not for all the diamonds in the–’ She cut off and her eyes grew wide as Seth produced a fifteen-carat yellow diamond. ‘Only those pure of heart may enter the Fountain…’ she protested weakly.
Seth was about to retort, when Ross proposed, ‘Then accept the diamond, my lady, and ask us a riddle.’
Seth gave him a dirty look, but the Sphinx nodded her affirmation. ‘It satisfies both the old customs and the new; that is wise. Very well, I shall ask you the riddle. You have the opportunity to leave now, with your lives intact, though without your precious stones; however, once I have spoken, you will answer either correctly or incorrectly.
‘In the event of the latter, I shall deem you unworthy and order my guards to kill you both. In the event of the former, you will prove that your hearts are pure, and I shall bless you and leave you to depart for the Fountain of Youth.’
She looked expectantly at the pair, but they did not budge. ‘Please, my lady, ask us the riddle,’ Ross solicited.
The Sphinx nodded, but concern was still evident on her face. ‘As long as you realise this is no laughing matter. I am certain neither of you realise how serious finding the Fountain is, but as you have already made your decision, I can no longer warn you.’ She cleared her throat and said, ‘Arnold Schwarzenegger has a large one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna lacks one, the Pope never uses his, and Bill Clinton uses his unremittingly. What is it?’
Seth seemed ready to answer, but he hesitated; the Sphinx’s glare was more venomous than a thousand asps, and it was trained on him.
While he squirmed, Ross was gazing thoughtfully into space. It was another minute of contemplation before he answered. ‘A surname.’
The Sphinx gazed at him in incredulity, but quickly recovered her composure. She removed an ankh from around her neck, strode to the largest of the cabinets, placed the ankh into the cabinet like a key, and turned it. The doors opened, and from the inside, she collected a plain ash staff. It was not nearly as impressive as anything else in the room was, for it resembled a gnarled old branch. She handed the staff to him.
‘You truly do have a pure heart. Go to Mosi-oa-Tunya, approach it from Livingstone Island, raise the staff above the water, and ask the way to the Fountain to reveal itself to you.’
The boys were ecstatic. ‘Th-thank you, my lady,’ Ross stuttered, barely able to contain his vivacity.
The thrilled pair rushed out of the tent, but the Sphinx watched them leave with a sad expression and said softly, ‘Was the gravity of the situation not lost on you, you would not be so eager to thank me…’
III
Simply by gazing at the stairs which led down the gorge (stairs which seemed far too slippery for my liking), I was already drenched by the ubiquitous spray. That, coupled with the deafening roar of the Victoria Falls, made me rather reluctant to proceed. Nevertheless, even though “The Smoke that Thunders” was not very welcoming, it was certainly awe-inspiring…
After our jet had landed in Zambia, Seth and I had found ourselves a room at one of the hotels. I would have chosen a hotel within walking distance of the waterfall, but Seth had characteristically refused to stay in anything but the most lavish and extravagant of places. We had rejuvenated ourselves and awaited nightfall before departing, but, due to the distance, we had to rent a helicopter and fly to the Falls.
Livingstone Island was relatively flat, though landing there during the dead of night had been no mean task – it was flat, but mostly covered in palms and other trees. Luckily, the moon was full, so we hadn’t had too much trouble. We had disembarked and approached the gorge, I finding myself astonished by the magnificence of the scene before us. Seth, conversely, was not at all comfortable standing so close to the edge; he had seemed extremely pale, as if he feared that the gorge was the gaping mouth of some leviathan, waiting for us to descend before snapping its jaws shut. It was strange, for I had never known him to be afraid of heights…
I had lifted the staff above the water and asked the way to the Fountain to reveal itself to us, per the Sphinx’s instructions, but nothing had happened. Seth had muttered something about “bloody cats stealing his rocks” and I had considered repeating the process, but it was proven redundant.
The earth had shook, almost causing Seth and me to plummet down with the Zambezi, but it had ceased as abruptly as it had begun. Seth and I had picked ourselves up and had searched for the staircase – or bridge, or anything – which should have been before us, but which was not. Seth had muttered a string of curses, when I had noticed that the cliff face to our right, between Devil’s Pool and the Main Falls, was different than it had been before the quake. Seth and I had then swum across the pool and approached the gorge again. That time, we did find a staircase leading down into the chasm.
I was still looking at it, and it appeared as perilous as when we had first reached it five minutes previously.
‘You go down first,’ Seth said, even paler than before.
‘Is something wrong?’ I asked, concerned.
‘Umm, it’s probably just a mild case of food poisoning.’
I frowned, but Seth made a weak attempt at a smile, so I descended down the stairs anyway. I was thinking about how the fish had tasted fine, when my foot slipped. Barely managing to hold on, I gazed down and saw some dislodged rocks tumbling down into the watery abyss. I chastised myself – letting one’s thoughts wander while risking the possibility of plummeting to one’s death was not the smartest of ideas.
I proceeded with more caution and regarded the stairs. They were actually only pieces of rock jutting out of the side of the cliff, and not only were they wet, but some of the rocks also had moss growing on it. I heard Seth curse above me.
‘How much longer does this continue?’ he called.
I stopped descending and searched the face of the cliff. ‘I think I can see a ledge below me. Hold on, I’ll climb down and find out.’ I descended the final part of the treacherous stairs and planted my feet firmly on it. ‘There is a ledge here!’ I called. ‘And it leads to the left!’
I carefully made my way across the ledge, pressing my body as close to the cliff as I could. I emerged onto a larger rocky outcropping which was normally hidden from view by the water rushing past it. In front of me, the entrance to a cave was carved into the cliff.
I whooped exaltedly and spun around to face Seth, who nervously stepped onto the firm rock. A “moonbow” of sorts was visible in the spray behind him.
‘We’ve found it, Seth!’ I rejoiced and embraced him. ‘We’ve found it!’
Truly, I could not have thought of a better location for the Fountain of Youth! Although… in my haste to reach it, I had failed to realise what beauty surrounded me. The invigorating spray of the waterfall gave life to its surroundings and transformed the would-be barren landscape into a verdant rainforest. And as if the lush was not awe-inspiring enough, the air was filled with innumerable water droplets that shone like stars when the moonlight struck it. Did the Fountain’s majesty really warrant the disregard for nature’s universal grandeur? Surely, if we had pursued the spring our entire lives, it could wait a while longer?
‘Ross? Are we to stand here the whole night?’
I woke from my reverie and reflected on his question. I had a longing to abandon our search, if only for a few days, and simply enjoy the glory of our locality, but was I really that selfish that I would deny Seth his lifelong dream just because I was feeling sentimental?
‘Of course not, Seth.’
We had had the good sense to bring our backpacks filled with exploration gear along, so we rummaged in it until we found our flashlights. We switched them on and hurried into the cave.
The cave had seemed immense, but it was only large at first, for soon it narrowed into what was barely a slit. We removed our backpacks and shoved them past in order to continue. It was enough to make anyone claustrophobic, and Seth panicked when he thought he had been stuck.
After following the narrow passage for a few more minutes (Seth barely keeping his equanimity all the while), we suddenly entered a vast cavern. Glow-worms could be seen across the walls and ceiling, illuminating the cavern. It was a breathtaking vista, as if an entire galaxy had decided upon inhabiting that tranquil place. We literally stood there gawking for several minutes before remembering our original intent. Seth and I breathlessly approached the edge, but our zeal was replaced with bewilderment.
Where there was supposed to be a pool, there was naught but a smooth bottom. Evidently, there had been water once, but it was there no longer.
‘I don’t understand,’ I whispered, puzzled. Had the cavern’s beauty been nothing more than a malicious deception, an illusion to taunt its beholders for coming so far, yet being further than ever from their destination?
‘I do.’
Those two words fell futilely on my ears, their meaning lost. As it turned out, their consequence rocked my world more than anything before them, and I found myself toppling over the edge of reality. The bottom was harder than I could ever have imagined it would be.
Some time passed before my senses returned, but then again, how could I sense anything if everything was black? Was I in Oblivion? No, impossible.
I tried to move, but a splitting pain erupted in my head. Trembling, I ignored the woe and flipped over onto my back. Everything was not black; it was crimson – my vision was obscured by something scarlet and sticky.
As I was trying to wipe it away, I became aware of a different manner of moisture on my cheek. It was soft and cold.
When I finally succeeded in clearing my vision, I saw that the moisture was coming from the anguished face above me. Its lips were moving in a bizarre manner, constantly repeating the same shapes. I tried to make sense of them – any sense in that world of distortion would be welcome – but they were ultimately beyond my comprehension, so I did not regard the face or its shapes any further.
My body ached for relief from the ever-worsening agony, and just as I thought I was damned to eternal torment, relief came: a lullaby so soothing, it could be nothing but the most divine melody.
It was the angelic sound of trickling water.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hey James!
I swear every one of your lines read like beautiful poetry. In this particular line though, I'm not sure what you are referring to. Is this the plane changing its course? Maybe it has something to do with the sun? Most of your lines are composed in the same manner, but I struggle with this one.I really admire you, James. The energy and enthusiasm you have brought to the site is noteworthy. Despite this, I actually haven't read that many of your works. In fact, browsing through your portpholio, I've only read your Hunger Games entries. And while I knew you were a decent writer from those select works, I had no idea that you could write such eloquent and articulate works.
You could say I have a certain passion for the short stories. Reading through this short of yours, I have to admit that this is one of the best shorts I have read on YWS. It's one of those works which I initially will have reluctance to review, as I find it hard to pick any of this apart. Nevertheless, whether a work is written well or not, they deserve a proper looking into.
I'd label this entire piece as fantastic, so to that end I'll try to limit my praise and focus on things you might be able to improve upon. Not to say that I won't give out praise, as I can hardly contain my ecstatic feelings towards this excellent piece of writing.
Now, this is something I rarely get to say; this was beautiful to read. This was written so smoothly and with such a great vocabulary that it makes it easier to read into more symbolic entries into the short. Because I couldn't help but pick up on several of these sybolisms. Even your opening paragraph seems to connect into the idea of the fountain of youth. Whenever I see writing that manages to do such things, I just love it. This is where I should throw in some extra praise, seeing as we're on a site for young amateur writers.
Approaching this in a more critical viewpoint, there are a few thing to bring up.
Namely, as I said, this work contains a lot of symbolisms. Your overall one of course being that of both 'black' and 'white'. The obvious contrast between light and darkness, the metaphorical distinction between good and evil. I love all that.
However, these metaphors ultimately leads to some less than optimal characteristic of your story. That is, it's pretty obvious what is going to happen. Ross White is in for a bad time, while Seth Black is about to do some pretty nasty stuff. The struggle between these two very different characters and personalities, though somewhat transparent to the story at times, go to the very end of the short, at the fountain of youth.
You could have made the outcome between them a climatic reveal at the end of the story, that would have been interesting. However, I feel you kind of spoiled it by going into a first person POV during your last part. Once you reveal that to be Ross, I kind of figure you are singling him out for something. Why else would you change up the narration?
That aside, the one other thing I mainly wanted to bring up was your riddle. It sticks out like a sore thumb. I don't feel it fits into this story at all, nor into its setting. When the proposal of a riddle came up, I was pretty interested in what you could cook up. What I got felt like the equivalent of a dirty joke. When they meet this serious, exotic character, this is the riddle she offers up? And Seth almost bumbling out the obvious failure answer is rescued by thoughtful Ross as he delivers the correct answer? The symbolism doesn't quite fit here.
I wouldn't look that much into this where it for the fact that I feel your entire work is written around the idea of metaphors and symbolism.
These two things I brought up is pretty much the only things that stood out to me in an otherwise amazing short story.
There might be some lesser things I could bring up, so I'll do a quick overview and write as I go along:
Wealth and power is most prominent among his thoughts, yet he doesn't desite power. Because he money equals powers... and he has money. And wouldn't the fountain of youth be considered power?
Why is fate capitalized?
Suggestion
Or lack thereof, righ?
This is the only place within the story that we get a character thought like this. It kind of stood out to me.
Actually, once I wrote that, I think I realized that the first part might actually follow Seth? Then the second one follows both of them in a third person narrative, while in the third and last one we follow Ross in his first person POV. I didn't realize that until now. That's pretty good. O.o
Edit
As you never mention a specific tent before this, I'd just swap this up.
Edit
Added a comma and replaced another one with a semicolon.
Your description of The Sphinx is simply amazing. I wish you would introduce all my characters.
Though I'm still loving this, I have to say... whoa.
I had to look up this word. I knew what it meant, which made me question why it was here. Luckily, it has two (very) different meanings.
She follows this up with the Arnold Schwarzenegger bit. It just doesn't fit. I'm liking the inclusion of Michael J. Fox though. Love that guy.
Suggestion
The first line read a bit off to me. I'd slap down a comma and combine the next sentence with the following one.
Huh?
This was an amazing ending to this short. I'm going to get ahead an assume that Seth tried killing Ross, and when it didn't work he broke down in tears. But then, his tears actually comes across as the 'fountain of youth', or rather the 'tears' of youth.
Alright, that's pretty much all I've got for this piece. It's definitely the best piece I have read on YWS in a while.
I'm loving how you tried to explore the differences within morals and the contrast of black and white. I would say though, that your ending seems more morally gray rather then black. As I'm not picturing Seth as a bad guy in many ways, seeing as he does do good things and he did somewhat regret his choice. Morally gray, yeah.
Lastly, before I forget: You are British! Totally saw a lot of pointers in there that leads me to the conclusion that you are british. I guess it's just one more thing I learn about you as you become one of my top writers to follow.
Keep it up, James!
Cheers
Birkhoff
Thank you for great review, Birkhoff! It truly was a perfect blend of praise and criticism - the praise is much appreciated, and the criticism is most useful.
The technical errors (or flaws) you have indicated I shall definitely address, and as for the riddle... I have always considered it out of place, so as soon as I find a better, more appropriate riddle, I shall replace it.
Finally, I am delighted that you have enjoyed my short story so much, and I also appreciate that you saw much of the symbolism I had employed. It is for readers like you that I write stories like these.