Nothingness

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This is 100% true. I have carried this memory since November. What do you think?

Silence. Not a sound. Wait, yes, a sound. It is like a silent screaming. The ticking of a silent and invisible time bomb. As the stretch of silence grows, so does the bomb. I can feel it growing. It is pressing outward. It feels as though my head will explode. I want to scream, but I can't. My voice is lost in the silence.Darkness. So dark, I can only sense. With my eyes useless, I put my hand up. I can't see it but that'd fool me. I can sense it there. I can sense it's shape. Even its details are apparent to me. I'm suddenly terrified. I'm not afraid of the dark or silence. What I'm afraid of is the sense of seeing in the dark and the feeling of my head about to explode. I need to scream. A burst of giggles. The flash of a camera. Then, a flashlight. The pressure is relieved, but I'm still uneasy and I still have the entire night left.

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Wow, that is a very strange thing to experience. But, you wrote it as a story and it was very interesting. I have copied and pasted you story below and now I'm going to correct it. My corrections are in red. underlined is fragments. blue is my comments


BrooklynWriter wrote:This is 100% true. I have carried this memory since November. What do you think?

Silence. Not a sound. Wait, yes, a sound. It is like a silent screaming. The ticking of a silent and invisible time bomb. As the stretch of silence grows, so does the bomb. I can feel it growing. It is pressing outward. It feels as though my head will explode. I want to scream, but I can't. My voice is lost in the silence.#FF4000 ">spaceDarkness. So dark, I can only sense#0000FF ">here and. With my eyes useless, I put my hand up. I can't see it but that'd fool me. I can sense it there#0000FF ">here are basically saying the same thing. I can sense it's#FF4000 ">its shape. Even its details are apparent to me. I'm suddenly terrified. I'm not afraid of the dark or silence. What I'm afraid of is the sense of seeing in the dark and the feeling of my head about to explode. I need to scream. A burst of giggles. The flash of a camera. Then, a flashlight. The pressure is relieved, but I'm still uneasy and I still have the entire night left.

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BrooklynWriter
Comment

Thanks so much. Help is appreciated!

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SmylinG
Review
SmylinG wrote a review · Mon Mar 21, 2011 6:18 am

This is a memory you say? Interesting. Very interesting. I wonder what it's about, really. Your way of expressing this was very poetic. I think it's what I enjoyed most about it. That and your closing sentence. It left me thinking about what you wrote. Gave me a hope to deciphering such enigmatic meaning! :P

My only nitpick, right here:

... strech of silence grows


You spelled stretch incorrectly I'm pretty sure. Other than this, I can find nothing truly harsh to critique about this. It was a wonderful read. Good job.



cron
When you cut pieces out of the truth to avoid looking like a fool, you end up looking like a moron instead.
— Robin Hobb