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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
I'm going to be honest here. You're not going to become a better writer if I don't.
This poem has absolutely no emotion, no rhythm and no real content. You're basically venting to the reader, without giving any background information, without giving any reason for the anger. Why is the narrator mad at this guy? What exactly did he do?
These are questions that should be answered throughout the poem. As for the emotion, try taking out some anger and adding some regret. Try mixing different emotions together. Because right now, you have anger. And one emotion does not create a good poem. It creates a one layer cake basically. You want to have a many layered cake, so you want to add more and more emotions as the poem progresses.
Okay, enough about that for now. Let's get to the nitpicks.
This should be nine not the number 9. Please, use correct grammar!
This should all be in italics
I think you mean those not thoughs. Thoughs isn't a word honey. SPELL CHECK!
Comma please.
One word!
Like I said before this poem has no rhythm. Next time you're writing a poem, try to read it out loud. Figure out where the natural breaks are. If you can't find them, read them over again. Sometimes you need to add a couple of words here, replace a word here, and sometimes even delete whole sentences.
Also, like I said before, this is one long line of 'I was stupid, and now I'm going to blame you.'
Cause, that's basically what the narrator is telling us. If she was stupid enough to have sex with a guy and then he betray her, doesn't that make it both their faults? Share with us why it's the guy's fault and not hers. Tell us! We want to know.
Okay, Drama out!
~SparklesofDrama <3
Just to add to that, please check your grammar: why are there capitals in the middle of your sentence? I see no names of people or places or days or days of the week or names of months so why are there random capitals?
I think Sparky has said most of all that could be said about your poem but I think you need to check your grammar again. Sorry.
I love the topic of your poem, the one line I don't understand is 'Bacon is bacon, Eggs are Eggs' and you're is your. I think maybe you could add a little more emotion to the poem, like use a more extensive vocabulary or different word choices.
Thank you. the bacon and eggs bit rhymes.