Published November 15, 2004
Oh gray threads,
Will you envelop me
Into a heart-warming embrace
Of Brotherly love?
To cover, to share the warmth
That only you can provide?
Oh, as I don you
And skip toward the street,
My heart takes a leap
Knowing that you shall stay by me!
For embolden throughout your body
Are spots of glittering white,
To symbolize the purity of your soul,
And written upon you is the word Navy
In a metamorphical embrace of the loyalty you share
As I wear you upon my chest.
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137,676 Literary Works • 672,057 Reviews
love this
you are so cool!
Note:
Wow! Congrats on being the second published written work on this writing website!
Interpretations:
I'm stuck on which piece of clothing this poem could be referring to because the last line reads "As I wear you upon my chest." I don't think it could be a shirt because that's the entirety of your chest, stomach, shoulders, and perhaps waist and arms. But it might be a badge of some sort, yet what contradicts my hypothesis is the eleventh and the twelfth line. Yet the fourth line of the word "Brotherly" and the fourteenth line of the phrase "written upon you is the word Navy" - these seem like allusions of some sort of force, the military force to be specific. Maybe this person is in the Navy as it written on the piece of clothing this person is referring to or is a veteran. This poem is very thought-provoking, though it seems/appear straightforward and simple with a sweet meaning and heartfelt intentions.
Review:
I really enjoyed reading this poem and thinking things over. I like how this poem portrays itself as beloved and lighthearted at first once you read it one time for fun and contentment. But if you read it more than twice, then you'll realize and recognize that this lovely poem is more in-depth than you might've expected. And I like that about this poem. Well-written.
- Lil, aka HalfheartedAmateur
one of the first literary works on the site!
an interesting read. seems, overall, very mysterious. i honestly like it!
Hello Brian,
Just here for a RevMo2020 review! you may not be active anymore, but i just wanted you to know that this poem was really enjoyable to read
A Tip
1. It has a nice flow to it. The rhythm (though not defined) is a joy to read. As I read the poem it flowed through my mind like oil. Cascading down like a waterfall. There was a hiccup in the rhythm at the end
"Navy" breaks up the smoothness. But, it does help the word stick out, which, depending on what you want, does help bring attention to that line.
The meaning
I am going to take a shot at what this poem means. I'll probably be very wrong. I had to read the poem a few times to get a grasp of what it might mean. At first I thought you were talking about an Army uniform. But then I read your comment down below and it all made sense.
To be hones, I really enjoyed reading the poem. It's so different from other poems. It has a subtle rhythm, no rhyme and is filled with metaphors! If you have any questions feel free to ask. Keep on writing and have a great rest of your day!
Stellarjay
Well howdy ho Brian.
Seems like after all of these years you never got a proper review and today I am in a poetry mood. It's RevMo season but doubtful you'd be aware of that.
I love how all the previous comments were considered reviews, when as a poetry mod, I can tell you their status is comments. And even if they were legitimately counted as reviews, way below the standards that I hold.
Of course this was probably an experimental piece for you way back in 2004. But there's barely any real experimenting going on. The style is unattractive and puts forth absolutely no effort to drag the readers in, leaving me looking at a lump of ink on a page. And it isn't even ink.
Just plain font.
Stanzas didn't exist in 2004?
And I guess every line had to be capitalized too?
Funny how classical poets would disagree with that.
You're trying too hard.
The words sound to be a bad mixture between serious and sarcastic. One second you're caring about the object of affection and the next second, no cares have ever existed. Which I can appreciate the comedic side of the object you're centering it on but in execution, nah man.
And then it honestly just comes out sounding like a hipster poem. You should know the type I'm talking about. All sorts of them are always laying all over yws in no particular order and complaining/praising little things, relying solely on the metaphor behind everything written.
Does not leave a good taste for me as a reader.
So a quick summary is:
Good concept.
Bad design.
Good luck.
Happy Revmo.
Good job!
Nice but it totally lacked rythem and seemed more like you were just sluring words on paper in my opinion. Though I like your vocabulary it felt slow and starined to me...
I love this poem. It was really well written and flows well. And yea I realize that I'm way later to review but I still wanted to
. This poem was really sweet and created great imagery. It was very good, I loved it 
... ~MindBlown
I think that this is a great poem! I know that this is eight years to late to be reviewing this, but this was the oldest poem I could find so I thought it would be fun. I honestly do not have any bad comments to make. I love how simple the subject is, yet you make it sound so elegant and beautiful. Great job!
this is a really good poem. I love all the contrast It is such a good idea
When i saw the title i was thinking oh boring i will look at it because i am bored, I think it was great, I am a big fan of short poems in particular and this really didd this for me today well done XD
I don't think I've ever read anything like this before. It's very different--and i loved it! I just wish I could write like this.
Yeah, the language definately added to the humor. You took a serious kind of diction and made it very funny. awesome.
-penny
I loved it, one of my favourite ever. I liked how it flowed kind of like a Shakespeare poem. I could even visualize some parts, such as a skip toward the street. It was like someone holding a sweater and skipping onto the street or something. I know I commented a lot in this thread but I just loved it.
LMAO thats both cute and funny...I like the use of "Oh", it gives it the exaggerated sense of a love poem - to a shirt! It cracks me up. Like Nate said, maybe a bit disjointed in places, but its still very well-written. One thing, though, where you say "For embolden", do you mean, "For, emblazoned"? Coz it just doesnt make sense otherwise, although it could just be me. A great poem.
At first I was half asleep and thought this was an attempt at a serious poem that went horribly wrong and was about to say something scathing, then I realized it was supposed to be like that. anyway, this amused me. of course i'm pretty easily amused, but still, you can take it as a compliment if you want
Very nice! Theres just one line that reads a little clumsily to me,
It just doesn't seem quite right. Otherwise I enjoyed this greatly
Yeah, weird=cool! That was good, really, really good.
Thanks! I had to write this poem for a writing assigment one day in class. The teacher told us to pick an article of clothing and write about it. I chose my sweater.
Yeah, very weird, but weird is good and original! Two thumbs up
i like it!
weird thing 2 write bout tho!!!
Props my good man...I mean...your highness king sir...
That was a good poem, short but sweet. Very peculiar but although funny, intriguing to my human mind as because I never knew somebody could cram so many ideas into 10 lines. Good poem, my friend, very good. But, doesn't it seem a little rushed? I think it might have been better to think more about it and come up with a little more ideas, at least the people will get the mattize.
Sorry if you do not feel that way. It is my opinion and I stand by it, this is a forum where we can critique people, isn't it?
A pretty funny poem... I like it. My guess is that you're talking about a shirt? Anyways, there are a few points that need fixing up:
"And skip toward the street,
My heart takes a leap
Knowing that you shall stay by me! "
That whole section sounds very disjointed... the ryththm changes from line to line and it doesn't sound right.
Overall though, a good poem.